Agnostic.com

11 3

Bad parenting: Paying for all your grown kids needs and wants.

I think parents with mentally ill children, are enabling their kids by buying everything they want and need. My mom didn't do that raising me. I'm mentally ill too. Not as bad as most here, but some of them could handle a job. 2 guys here do. With that one girl I posted about, she has everything paid for. Her sister pays for her Netflix, her mom pays for her phone bill, food, spending money, horse lessons, and everything she owns in her room. I asked her when she wanted to connect to my Wi-Fi, that she has to pay half the bill, because I'm paying for the Wi-Fi for me. She said, "No thanks." She's never paid for anything, unless her mom gives her $20 to spend.

Is that enabling people? Many folks here have that issue.

One guy here, had a job years ago, lost it, and now can't get one. Well, he could if he listened to me and took my advice. He has a huge, long, unkept beard and long wild hair. I told him he needs to trim up or shave and get a haircut. As well as dress up for applying for jobs. He's still jobless and his parents pay for all his stuff now. He's 36-years-old. No one takes my advice. He asked for my advice too. I never give it out freely anymore. He had told me he applied for jobs, but couldn't get one working in a restaurant. Duh! Men can't get jobs looking like they are cave men. Same for women. Dress for the job you want. I did, I was hired on the spot for my first job. I even called back 4 days after applying too. I asked if he called back, he said he didn't. But don't listen to anyone whom has a job, right?

Anyway, do parents enable their kids growing up, ones with mental illnesses, or are they truly helping them? IMO, they're hurting them.

Sarahroo29 8 Apr 8
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

11 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

2

My 22 yr old daughter isn't mentally ill but lives with her boyfriend and his family in my home. They pay rent. Jesse buys her own food, works part-time and cooks her own meals. She dresses like goth but won't take my advice. I figure she'll get her GED when she's ready.

Is it hard to get a GED?

I graduated.

no-and she's wicked bright just lazy.

4

I'm schizophrenic and have a full time job and my parents help me make ends meet. They don't enable me, they help me and I help them by paying them what I can. It's about mutual respect. My friend who was in a head on collision is now mentally reduced to a 3 year old. Is her mom enabling her because she can't even remember how to feed herself? I think you need to look at things case by case, and not just assume everyone with mental problems is capable of doing things or surviving without full support. And you shouldn't complain about people on here not taking your advice. You can offer it, but that doesn't mean they have to take it. I feel like basically you're looking for validation that you're better than them. This is just my opinion.

In a way I'm posting because I'm stuck with them. I don't belong here. Not exactly better than them, I just don't fit in.

@Sarahroo29 I don't see why you feel you don't.

@LadyAlyxandrea At my place I'm not on the same mentality level as most of them are.

2

Remember one thing in life do you want to be controlled or not be controlled
Control means you do not have any freedom

Rosh Level 7 Apr 9, 2018

I have freedom to do what I want. Most people here don't.

@Sarahroo29 Freedom is your choice. You decide whether you want to be control or not to be controlled

@Rosh Yep.

2

Depends on the mental illness. No amount of cleaning oneself up and bla bla bootstraps is going to magically make someone with, say, Bipolar or OCD or schizophrenia the same kind of hireable as those who don't have such illnesses. Even clinical depression makes it insanely difficult when it's severe.

Not everyone is as lucky as you were, either. On the rare occasion I even get an interview (despite having very neat handwriting, a resume typed out completely to spec, etc), I make sure my clothing, makeup, and hair are as respectable as physically possible. Doesn't make one fucking bit of difference. I'm still tossed aside.

That said, I think people who aren't taking advice maybe need to take a look at their own minds and figure out /why/ they don't take advice.

I don't give anyone advice anymore.

2

I have twin 19 y.o., one is on the spectrum. They are both in college and they both do volunteer work. I suppose it all depends on how severe the disability is. BTW Sarahroo, I love reading your post, take care and be good to yourself.

Thanks.

3

Job hunting is a bit of mine field. There are several ducks that need to be lined up correctly. Skillset, personality, attitude, attire to a lesser degree, etc.

It is hard to find jobs now-a-days.

2

If she does not want to contribute to the cost of your WiFi then do not give her the password, if you have already done so, then change the password and do not give it to her.

She's not on my Wi-Fi, she wanted to be for free.

2

If you have all your needs met without effort, then, why put in effort? Someday the parents won't be able to provide anymore, and the grown kids will be in trouble. I agree that it is bad parenting to provide too much. Often these parents are manipulated due to their love for their children.

I concur. My mom taught me how to do things on my own. I've been on my own living away from my family since I was 16.

2

From my perspective, the parents baby their disabled kids more than what is needed. I know a guy who told me he milks his illness to get more stuff. ? So far he's sitting pretty at age 40. No telling what will happen when his parents pass

Wow. Same for this girl. When her mom dies, who knows? I've been away from my family since I was 16.

1

There is a wide range of disability and for some it makes sense to support them, and for some it doesn't. Heck some parents support adult children without disability!

It really depends on why they are disabled.

Yes. I understand now.

1

Can I ask for a working definition of 'mentally ill'? As someone with a lifetime diagnosis of major depressive disorder I'm a little offended by the assumption that this means a lifetime of failure. I'm retired from a very successful career. I'd just ask that people be a little more conscious of stereotyping in this regard.

I'm mentally ill too.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:53347
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.