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Have you been ostracized because of your lack of belief?

I haven't spoken to my oldest son in over 2 years now. He embraced Judaism, but told me that I was a bad influence because I don't believe. Just curious if anyone else has similar stories.

Honir 4 Sep 17
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51 comments

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10

No never due to the fact I would never tell anyone I am a nonbeliever unless I definitely knew they would be open minded enough to except it ,and even then I probably wouldn’t because I have absolutely no desire to tell people about this aspect of myself.

That’s the only correct way to handle that, especially when your family and friends are religious.

10

No - but apparently this young lady has been ostrichized!

6

Well, not ostracized, but definitely a loss of respect and more distant connections. I feel like more of a guest around some of my aunts, uncles, and cousins as opposed to a family member. The difference in core beliefs with my family just messed a lot up. I don't regret being honest with myself and with other people, but honesty has its own set of consequences as well. I do miss the sense of community, but they are devout Christians and nothing's going to change about their views. So I just love them from a distance while still trying to find my tribe.

I love how you concluded that.

“I don't regret being honest with myself and with other people, but honesty has its own set of consequences as well. I do miss the sense of community, but they are devout Christians and nothing's going to change about their views. So I just love them from a distance while still trying to find my tribe.”

That’s a really mature, balanced, and loving perspective. I’m also trying to find my tribe...and still trying to not feel regret and resentment about my losses. It’s a work in process.

@kdmom it's definitely not easy. It's been about 5 years since I've gone public about being agnostic atheist and about 10 years since I started questioning my beliefs. I'm still looking for my tribe. I've realized that being a deeply religious person first seems to create a different breed of atheism. Even though I'm 100% atheist, I don't always feel like I fit in with people who have always been atheist or are more militant about their atheism. I understand life on both sides on the fence. I just want pesce. There are certain things about Christianity that trigger me, but probably don't trigger people that have always been atheist. I don't really broadcast I'm atheist (anymore) because it just became a bigger headache going through the same process with Christians that would not just accept it and move on without being condescending. So now, I grin and bear a lot of stuff for the sake of peace unless it really just gets under my skin. Being in the bible beltway doesn't help either.

6

If I have, I haven't noticed.
Their loss, not mine.

6

My childhood best friend was diagnosed with cancer in 7th grade and lived until our senior year. Looking back, I am proud of the ways I supported her through the journey. She also had a circle of friends who were Catholic. They kept relying to convert her. After my boyfriend and I drove 10 hours round trip so I could see her at the cancer center before she died, they had the nerve to say I had no right to go because I was an atheist. Yet these “good Catholics” never had the guts to be around her when times were rough. I don’t care that they treated me like crap but I am mad they confused a dying girl.

UUNJ Level 8 Sep 18, 2020
5

I had a supervisor and co-workers make life unbearable for me after I made the mistake of letting them know I was an atheist. My job description changed significantly and I was judged by a different standard from everyone else on performance. No matter how agreeable I was or how willingly I did my work, I had an "attitude problem."

Deb57 Level 8 Sep 18, 2020

You sound as though you live in the Deep South.

I am sorry that you were so harshly treated for your beliefs!!!

One must realize that any thing you tell people, neighbors, fellow workers, or the authorities that can and will be used against you, even in this so called land of the free!!!

4

Yes I told a nun

4

Well sort of.

I've actually lost work because of my refusal to be delusional, it's worth it. I can always make more money elsewhere, I only get to keep my integrity and sanity once.

4

Nope. But I ostracize myself in a way because I don't want to be around religious people, especially family/relatives.

I’d rather be around good conservative religious people than the left wing atheist nuts like a lot of those on this website.

@Trajan61 Then why are you talking to me. Go talk to your conservative religious friends.

I am the same

4

Not exactly ostracized - but definitely a sharp distancing between one long time friend, and also my Sister - who are both bi-bull thumpers.
I'm a little sad over it - but the distance also feels right and more comfortable.

4

No, never. I do however sympathise with the situation you find yourself in. There is no room for love, humanity, or empathy in even our closest kin when religious dogma gets a strong hold of their brains...it makes them quite heartless and selfish!

4

Yes, I've had so called friends tell me that I'm fucked up for not believing in angels and heaven, my dad has hardly talked to me since I've spoken up about me being atheist.
And I will speak up about being atheist if someone engages me about god/devil, the last person to engage me ended up upset and crying because I pointed out all the flaws in there belief.

Garf Level 7 Sep 18, 2020

The last people that I spoke with about God was a pair of Jehovah's Witnesses. They ran away from me as fast as they could after less than two minutes.

Their imbecility appeared to be congenItal.

4

As a child, I was brainwashed to be a Moron (oops, Mormon). When I discovered that Moronism (oops, Mormonism) was hogwash, the church excommunicated me for apostasy. At that point, my Moron wife took our two children and disappeared. Later, I was served with divorce papers. So, yes, I have been ostracized because of my lack of belief.

I should add that time heals all wounds. I am now married to a much better spouse, and living happily ever after. 🙂

4

No, and your son apparently does not understand the religion he has decided to embrace. Unlike christianity, judaism does not include the notion that nonjews or even unbelievers are inherently sinful, and proselytizing is forbidden. If you were jewish, the only thing you could do to be kicked out, so to speak, would be to take on another god (such as jesus); not believing doesn't get anyone all that upset. Tell your son to ask his rabbi.

g

P.s. he is not a jew for jesus, is he? They are not jewish....

@Honir That explains it. I am so sorry. But as i said, jews who take on another god are the only ones apostacized (as in excommunicated, sort of) so jews for jesus are not jews at all. Although jews are not defined by not believing in a divine jesus, there is still a way in which a jew for jesus is a bit like vegetarians for meat. Your son is a messianist, regardless of what he calls himself. Anyway, good luck.

g

P.s. bad influence on whom? On him? Is he so uncertain he is afraid to be near someone with a different belief? If so, as a messianist he will find MOST people a bad influence!

@Honir Exactly! A christian. Yes exactly. And if only they admitted it, okay, so they're christians. But they csll themselves jews. That's like what's 'er name (i am too lazy to look it up), that white woman who was passing as black in recent years. She can call herself black until she is blue in the face but she isn't black. I had a friend who was a messianist. He didn't pretend to be jewish, he had no problem being friends with an atheist, and we didn't find it necessary to try to convert one another, so that mindset is not built in as far as i can tell. Your son may have other issues, and he may or may not even realize that.

I am sorry about the kids. That sucks.

g

4

No, but then I do live in Australia.

We are already ostracised 😂

3

I avoid that situation by not talking about my lack of religious beliefs when I’m around religious people. Hell most of my friends and my wife are religious so If I didn’t do that I might not have many friends or for that matter a wife.

Damn sounds exactly like myself!!

3

A time or two, but not systematically.

3

Yes, but not overtly. Seems to be subtle shunning once my atheism is outed.

@MissKathleen nope

3

No... I live in NYC.. Very tolerant crowd here...

3

Yes, all of my family except for my oldest sister are religious. I am ostracized by all of them because of this and something else.

That’s a real bummer. I’m pretty much in the same boat. They all don’t ostracize me, just my oldest son, but the rest are not happy about my non belief.

3

Yes, I have several stories about that from years ago. I think those who ostracized me were afraid of my non-belief, which seems to me that perhaps their belief wasn't strong enough to withstand scrutiny. Over the years, most have grown to realize I'm a warm, caring person, with ethics and morals, so they accept me with no problem now.

Maybe you can find a common ground with your son, by asking him to focus on the values you do believe in (regardless of whether they are in the torah or not) and hopefully he can see that you have more in common than not. Like, aside from the religious teachings, what does he value in a family relationship, or day to day joys. Is it worth losing out on a father/son relationship simply because you disagree about a book? Maybe try to spend time together where religion is off the table. (Easier said than done, I know.) But you can't be a "bad" influence if the subject doesn't come up.

3

I live in Oklahoma so that's a given. I've been freed from crappy coworkers, bosses and friends. I say freed because I didn't have to continue to listen to their obnoxious religious drivel nor did I have to pretend to agree or accept it.

Leelu Level 7 Sep 18, 2020
3

Yes. I was raised in utah as a non mormon. They didnt allow me to socialize with their children.

That’s really sad ☹️

3

As an atheist since age 13, no friend or date has rejected me due to my atheism.

Just don't try to covert me.

3

I'm sorry to hear this! I had thought that Judaism was more interested in right action than right belief. It pains me to think of being rejected by a child; again, I'm very sorry.

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