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Your Influence

Who are the people that are regularly influenced by you and do you check yourself to be sure your influence is setting the example you intend or hope for?

AMGT 8 Apr 11
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28 comments

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0

I think influence is an ebb and flow with everyone you have contact with. As far as checking, Yes, especially when interacting with someone I know.

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I feel it's anyone having contact with me, knowing me or of me, associating with me. It's like a doppler effect. The whole, "you never get a second chance to make a first impression" is entirely true. On a smaller scale, definitely my children. Especially my Autistic developmentally disabled foster son who will be 37 in two weeks. I've known him since he was 10, came to live with us when he was 15, and unfortunately after divorcing, had to put him back in the system as my life had drastically changed and balancing work with home life without that support system was difficult. I still have the mom guilt over it. I do pick him up for an overnight visit once a month and take him to family holiday/birthday events. I know at the time he re-entered the system, it was developmentally time for him to be around similar peers, to foster more independence for himself (as was related to me by my ex to quell my anxiety). My ex has not done anything in regards to picking him up or spending time with him other than when I bring him to events. I can't answer for that. That's on him. I want to be sure my foster son knows I love him, and I care. He is my life coach. He is the epitome of unconditional. I can only hope to come close to the life changing impact/influence he's made in my life.

0

No one, I hope. My goal is to be invisible.

If it's not too personal, why?

@nvrnuff lifelong bullying and rejection means attention is terribly uncomfortable for me, feels dangerous. For most human social monkeys, rejection is death. For me, being noticed is death.

@stinkeye_a Sorry you've had to endure that, I too have had to deal with it. Any help I can give is offered gladly, no preaching or strings attached.

0

I used to teach ecology in university. One of my students mentioned that I had changed his life. It made me uncomfortable because what the hell did I know? I was in my early twenties

0

It's my two sons. Daily. I hope I'm a good influence. I try to be. But, we all have flaws, issues and baggage that come out at times.

Duke Level 8 Apr 12, 2018
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We all have an impact on others whether we know it or not. I'm not particularly liked at my work but I am respected. Then you have that occassional person who would undermine you because they are jealous. I know this sounds strange but many are if in some way they are not sure of themselves. The problem starts when they assume you might be a threat to them in some way. Not so long ago this sort of situation came to a head with me where a man wanted to turn an old family relative against me. It's a complicated story but it did not work. I addressed the issue in front of him and our boss. Calm, cool and collected the issue was ended before it cost me my job. While I cannot tell you the exact story on here today I am confident that it will never happen again.

We all influence somebody. We are all also influenced. Movies, TV, books, etc. sell images and phrases that many of us chose to identify with.

1

I do worry about the number of people I unintentionally influence. I am sure if people were to let me know the influence I had on them, I would be shocked and pretty sure if my influence was as intended it would be the opposite. I think it is the downside of secrecy, even the people I work with do not know much about me, 98% would not know my surname, 80% would not guess my age within a decade. Humans don't like unknowns, so they fill the gaps. For example, everytime I tell someone at the community pantry that I am an atheist they are totally shocked, they are all from an evengalist church of some kind and assume I am also. I don't think I can resolve this without losing my privacy. I do lots of "things" so I know I do have an impact locally.

0

I haven't any influence. I've never been able to impact another person's thinking.

Also, check myself for what? Fleas?

Maybe you just haven't been aware of it.

@DenoPenno that's a non-zero possibility. It's just never happened when I tried to do so.

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My daughter

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I hope my daughter and maybe some of my friends and perhaps co-workers. My intent is to make them think about the world around them.

1

I don't know but I hope I do.

wow, thank you so much @AMGT that's a lovely thing to say xx. lovely words and well said. I do hate superficial people. I'm a very deep person treated like a puddle lol.

2

I have been told my influence a couple of times, but I don't check myself as often as I should.

3

My two sons, and my clients. I do my best to be a positive influence, especially when it comes to my clients. I definitely have to practice what I preach.

5

My kids have given me the desire and the will to be a better man.

JimG Level 8 Apr 11, 2018

@AMGT
Tit'shank you, it's funny how that influence works both ways.

3

One of my nephew's. His dad, my younger brother, died unexpectedly three months ago, less than a week after his grandmother died. He is in his early 20s and was not prepared for adult responsibilities. He wants to stay in the home, so I have been helping him with organizing his finances and teaching him how to care for his lawn. He lives about three hours away from me, so I have to plan my trips.

His dad and all four of his uncles are alcoholics. Two of the four uncles died alcohol-related deaths. I quit drinking alcohol and am trying to get him to understand that if he is not controlling his consumption, he needs to quit also.

1

I love and support family and friends but I have more influence with friends!

1

I don't believe l influence anyone, and there is no reason l should.

@AMGT l just don't and that's OK.

2

Nobody.

@AMGT thank you for your kind words. If I influence people, it is not with intent. I try to be as authentically myself as I can, and if that has, in some way, a positive influence on someone, that makes me feel good. But I do not solicit feedback, as my actions are just my being who I am, and I do not see them as having any bearing on another; nor is that typically my reason for anything I do, save for occasional kindnesses. Being positive and supportive, and admitting to my foibles is part of the person I am becoming. Presumptuousness is difficult to overcome, and can be useful in some ways, but I am mindful of eschewing that trait if it becomes egoic, or self-aggrandizing.

I find that if I expose my own faults and weaknesses, then no one can hurt me by doing so opportunistically.

I try to give thoughtful comments on this site, or maybe just be silly, if the post merits that, and again, if that has a positive influence somehow, that pleases me. But all things are transitory, and I am well aware my words may be forgot as soon as read.

@AMGT likewise. Your trials and tribulations, and how you have faced them, give some of us hope where we might not have so much. You are a courageous person. Far more so than myself.

4

That's a tough one. Obviously, my kids (who are all adults now), and I'd like to think I have some influence over the tribe my brother and I have collected over the years. We inherited from my parents the habit of taking in strays. Not officially, but in other ways. And yes, I try to make sure my influence is a good one, but sometimes I find out that things I didn't notice I was doing have more impact than I thought.

I wonder if my life would have been different if I had kids. A purely rhetorical question now, and I think I did the right thing in not having them. But it does make me wonder, sometimes.

1

Right or wrong, everyone.....

4

My son possibly. My wife told me that I'm mumbling a few days ago and she couldn't hear me...lol. that what i tell her...lol. so maybe my wife too. I try to be kind so hopefully people see that in me. I care about others so I hope that's seen too. I like to ask those questions that have a sexual inuindos. Just to change up things a little. I ask those relationship questions and what if questions. Hopefully I didn't mislead an opinion of me. Hopefully people understand that I'm only asking questions. That I'm not trying to connect with tbem. I just want to be their friend that can be silly sometimes. I love everyone one this forum. But im married and please don't take me wrong...

@AMGT What she said! 😉

@AMGT. Awww shucks .... Thank you Amy.

@KKGator. Awww ... Thank you KK

my cold dead heart just twitched.....

@dianahdz88 Hi Diana...

1

My son. I try very hard to be a good influence. he is a sharp kid who keeps me in check. he was an atheist before I even mentioned it so I think he's on thr right track lol

5

My two daughters. Since my daughter moved back in we get along better. She tonite is telling me that I am a different person than I was 6 years ago.before cancer and chemo which has made me a nicer person lol. We can talk about my posts and she tells me she heard them back in middle school. Oh well we're trying.

Cool.

2

Two small humans, daily. Just had a conversation today about respect.
I do the best I can. Like I said in another post a while back, you can't always
tell children to "fuck off".

Lol...

2

My son step daughters and my nieces and nephews. And I do check myself to a point.

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