I have been unpartnered for a little over three years now. Not tired of it yet.

While I agree with most of what the author of that article is saying, that embracing one’s life in myriad ways can, and should, take a front seat despite relationship status, something troubling jumped out at me: she describes the value of having a partner solely in terms of the negatives it offsets:

“What I needed was someone to share the emotional burdens of everyday life ― career setbacks, money worries, existential crises. The melancholy that emerged after too many lonely Saturday nights had morphed into something dire: an agonizing recognition that nobody had my back, that nobody was there to ease those terrifying thoughts that often wake us in the middle of the night.”

…

“Of course, not every moment is rosy. Life without a partner can be agonizingly lonely and plain boring. Certainly, there are days when the emotional seclusion gets to me and I don’t do much at all. There are times when I desperately wish I had a partner, like if a nightmare wakes me in the middle of the night or a professional crisis hits and I need someone to talk to. When I face the trials and terrors that everyone suffers, I have to get myself through.”

She never once says anything about wanting a partner in her life to share the joys and successes. Having someone to help her in her times of difficulty, depression, stress, and so on, is valuable, but there's much more to a relationship. Additionally, she never says anything about wanting to be there for someone else in their own trying times. I’m glad she’s accepted single life for its many benefits and the ability to focus on friends, career, and personal enrichment — all fine pursuits — but she says she still hopes for a long-term relationship, yet is focusing entirely on what that partner can do for her in her darkest hours.

I’ve spent most of my adult years single, and some of that time I was rather lonely and wished I had someone to ease those times. I’m not saying that her motivation shouldn’t include wanting those benefits, too, but I’m in a relationship now and it’s about so much more than merely offsetting the perceived negatives of being single. I have someone to share my thoughts with, someone I can be vulnerable around, someone who enjoys and celebrates my successes, someone to be an activity partner, and, more important, I have someone who confides in me, someone I can listen to when she’s having a good day or bad, someone for whom I can be a cheerleader, someone to love, who wants me and makes me feel loved in return. If I spent all of my time focused on the hardships of being single, I wouldn’t blame her for feeling like I wanted a therapist rather than a genuine partner; I wouldn’t blame her for not wanting to call me for a third date.

I really do think it’s good to feel happy with one’s situation regardless of relationship status, but I don’t think she’s approaching relationships from a healthy, mutually beneficial mindset, and that clouds the health of her “I don’t need a partner to be happy” approach to life, because that’s her direct response to a skewed perspective on what a partner should be.

single helps.

I agree. Thing can always change. Nothings etched in stone but it's all good.