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Soulmates?

Do you use this word, or do you think it's overused, like "beautiful"? Do we have one soulmate or many? I often hear it in the same context as marriage, i.e. "I'm ecstatic to be able to spend the rest of my life with my soulmate".

A high school acquaintance said it 3 years ago, before marrying his "best friend and soulmate." He died recently in a domestic dispute involving a gun.

To me, it implies that each person has exactly one matched soul, and that it would be incredibly rare to find that person. (and let's be honest - how likely is it to encounter something that rare without ever leaving the town where you went to high school?)

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  • 3 votes
Supercali 6 Apr 21
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22 comments

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10

I think a "soulmate" is just another person with whom you can truly be yourself. That person isn't always someone with whom you have a romantic connection, either.

10

I think we have numerous soulmates throughout our lives. Not as exclusive mates and singular but those whose energy and values align with ours for a period of our lives.

I totally agree with that. Soulmates can also be family and friends. It's basically anyone that you can be your true self around. I feel like my mom is one of my soulmates. I have a cousin and a friend that I feel the same way about. I just haven't found one in a partner. Not even close! LOL

I agree too. But I guess I would just call those mates, not soulmates. The label actually makes a lot more sense to me in the non-romantic non-sexual context.

5

For ME, I think you can have a platonic relationship with your "soul mate." One of my dearest friends was MY soul mate. She and I just didn't have any romantic leanings toward each other. She and I were 'connected' to one another in a way that hasn't been duplicated in these many years.

thank you for your insight! this helps a lot. Before this post, I had only heard people use the word in a romantic sense (maybe I just wasn't paying attention). I shoulda included more poll options, like "Yes Soulmates are real, but that doesn't mean I want to marry them..."

5

I think there needs to be common interests and a unique trust to create a soulmate. I think there are rare exceptions but I don't think people just meet and BAM! Soulmates. Yes you can feel connected to someone immediately and but usually the other person doesn't share the same connection for some reason. I think two people becoming passionate, loving, friends who enjoy doing activities together create a soulful bond. Although I could be as wrong as religion.

ah, so a soulmate is someone that is created over time and mutual experiences?

@Supercali Haven't you met some people you feel an immediate connection to and think it's soul mate-ish only to realize you have nothing in common with the person? I just feel there are many levels people need to connect on to be a soulmate.

@Chefski absolutely! but I call that chemistry (which easily falls apart if we aren't aligned in other ways)

5

I’ve been married 12 years. It started out with strong attraction but the honeymoon always cools. We remain married because of our shared goal of raising our 3 beautiful kids. This experience has destroyed the self absorption of my youth and now I can feel the presence of these “souls”. After the dissolving of the barriers of my self absorption now my soul can mate with others. In this sense I think people can have many soul mates.

5

My ex-wife's cousin had so many soul mates I think she had cornered the market...

5

The term soulmate implies that we actually have supernatural souls and that these two souls are
"ment" to be together. It would really be a shame If mine was born in India 80 years after I was born. People simply like to entertain the idea that people are supernaturally joined.

Yes, that's how I always defined it too. And yes, what a missed opportunity to be separated from your soulmate by time! (but then, you'd probably just not believe in the idea of soulmate if you never met one)

5

I am against marriage,
I don't believe in souls.
I have been married to someone I was not in love with.
I fell in love with someone who I believed was my soulmate and wanted to marry her.
So in addition to the above being so mixed up, I have never fallen in love again, yet I believe that there must be at least a million women on the planet with whom I would be a better match than the lady who was the love of my life.
How big is the town where you went to high school?

My tiny town was under 5K. But even leaving the town, the state, and the country, the liklihood of finding each other would be miniscule.
If it's not too personal a question, what convinced you to marry someone you didn't love?

@Supercali alcohol? I was very young, she was my boss when I was 16, I went bush for a few years, met up again, she made a fuss over me, I was very much alone in the world. I was flattered etc. It was ok if very boring for a few years, I achieved a lot, we had kids eventually, and a few years later she changed. So I took the kids and she took everything else.

5

I would agree with your definition of the term. As such, I don't believe in them. I think the chances of finding someone 'perfect' for you is highly unlikely, because to me the terms implies that you have a perfect relationship with no effort. I believe that throughout our lives we meet a number of people (at least several) with whom we could have a satisfying, loving relationship with work. I'm afraid that the expectations set up in peoples' minds by the idea of soulmates makes them overlook some wonderful possibilities, and the unwillingness to put up with the normal crap inevitable in relationships makes people give up too soon. There's the impression given by all the media that there are a million people out there to date or to love and that makes it less attractive to hang in there.

5

I don't use the word, and I guess I'm agnostic as to the existence of such a thing. I don't believe, but I'm willing to be proven wrong.

JimG Level 8 Apr 21, 2018
4

I don't believe in one soulmate. Maybe a current soulmate, but not one and only one in terms of the number of potential mates one could have. I think there's many more than one woman I could be with and be happy with but I can't meet them all and then try and decide which one I settle in with. That's just not how things work. At least with me, anyway.

3

I believe in Soulmates. They may not even be on the earth plane for me to find. They could be an arse that we had agreed to before this journey so I would learn some valuable lessons. For me, they don't always have to be the love of my life. I also believe we have soul groups that interchange how we are in each other's life. Twin Flames, I personally believe are our true other half. I think it's rare our other half is here the same time we are. Think they help guide us in this life. We probably take turns coming here to evolve Spiritually.

3

There is no such thing as soulmates. I am often conflcted within myself.

3

Maybe they need to invent a soulmate app that I can hover over my intended date and see if it rates her as soulmate material. Perhaps it is a level and there are many soulmates? Perhaps soulmates live up in the sky among the clouds and I should pray to my soulmate who will shower me with winning lottery numbers....(I know the last one is silly but hey, if people want to believe in God living up in the clouds, then why not a soulmate)?

2

To be soulmates you have to first accept "souls" which is inclusive of some religious teachings...COMPATIBLE is far better, when you education, physical attraction, likes and dislikes, present you with the pleasure of sharing a lifetime...now you've got something good.

2

Seven billion people on the planet.
Just one that you click with ? Nah.....prolly at least three...maybe five....

For you maybe, I think love could be somewhat of a pyramid scheme, for us nerds we have a choice; we accept the 'leftovers' of the dating population who don't exactly fit us just right or we stay single!

Nah....don't assume it's easy

right? 7 billion peeps must mean at least 100 soulmates each, otherwise we'd never find each other

2

I don't believe in souls. I do believe, very rarely, that you meet someone whose neurological workings, interests, and pheromones line up directly with your subconscious desires. Whether or not those two people end up in a permanent relationship or not seems to be more up to the winds of chance.

I've got a few. S should have been my mother, we agree on this. A is my twin sister from other parents, we even share several diagnoses. G is my gay little brother, his husband and I adore each other too. P was... regrettable, we tried to make it work, but he is nearly 20 years older than I am, and we both have community obligations we felt we couldn't leave in different states. And D is from a different class and obsessed with appearances, so he cut off contact with me as soon as our relationship began growing closer.

Quite frankly, I'd rather have a good friendship with decent sexual chemistry than go through that crap again.

Agree! ( re: good friendship + chemistry)

2

I’m still married to my wife of 42 years and have 2 children and 4 beautiful grandchildren. It takes a lot of work to make a marriage work but ours worked out well. I don’t believe you have 1 soulmate, that’s bogus. You just find someone you are attracted to and get along with.

2

That is a fantastic question and could be a disertation for a college paper. The fact is, you may think someone is your soul mate and then you break up for whatever reason. Does that mean your next relationship is not your soul mate? Is that fair to the other person? How do you really know that the previous person was your soul mate? Maybe you were wrong? I think the point here is you need to give yourself 100% to the other person whenever it is they come into your life. It's only fair to them. And it's only fair to you as well. 🙂

What does giving yourself 100% to someone else actually mean? To me, giving 100% sounds codependent and unbalanced. If I'm giving this to someone else, what's left for me? Having a soulmate means I no longer have a
separate identity? Or do you mean love the one you're with, instead of holding out for that rare and special soul snowflake.

I can't pinpoint why exactly, the word itself just implies rarity - souls that mate beyond life. So I don't get to use it w/every BF, or even a handful of them, because that would be the opposite of rare.

1

What is a "soul"? There is no scientific proof of life after death. Since there is no such thing as a soul, how can you be someones "soul mate"? That term is an overused term of endearment that has no literal meaning just like "sweetheart" or "honeybunch".

1

i can't vote because the choices are not broad enough to cover my view. i believe in soul mates, i believe depending on the person, you could have many at once, many but each at their own time, one for life, and many other options. i also don't think soulmate has to refer to a romantic relationship. it is just someone who fills a void in your life, someone you feel compatible with in whatever way matters most to you. my soulmate btw is an 80lb american pit bull terrier.(which is why i mentioned i don't think it has to mean romance, cuz no beastiality for me please! lol)

Byrd Level 7 Apr 23, 2018
0

Don't believe in "souls", other than soul music, soul food, soul cakes, filet of sole, and the soles of my shoes. Still waiting for the diamonds. "Soulmate" is a platitudinous term. I don't use it.

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