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How do I help my dog with separation anxiety?

My dog is a Bichon Frise Yorkshire Terrier mix. Since my husband died he howls and whines when left alone. I have put music on for him, left the TV on. I have gone out and come right back in and given him treats to sooth him. Nothing seems to work. I can't even take a shower without him howling and whining.
I don't have anyone I can leave him with when I need to go out.
What can I do to help him?

Betty 8 Mar 16
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3

Charlie went through the whole gambit of grieving for Lorrae as did I, in fact he REFUSE to eat for almost a week solid until I decided to use a bowl that Lorrae ALWAYS used for her breakfast cereal and gave Charlie his food in it but instead of having him eating separate from me and outside the house I decided to let him eat at the same time as me and went as far as adding dollops of what ever I was going to eat on to his meal as well.
Have you tried finding something that will still hold some of the scent of your deceased hubby and giving to the dog as a kind of comforter because that also worked well with Charlie, he kept a sock that Lorrae often wore hidden in his sleeping blankets right up until he passed away from old age at 16 in December, 2016, and his" prize sock" is now buried with him in favourite snoozing spot in the garden.

For the first three months Sammy wouldn't let me comfort him and he slept on Ray's shirt. He now cuddles with me and sleeps at my feet. The problem is he won't let me out of his sight. I leave a room he is with me, if I close the bathroom door he whines and howls.
He's not a social dog, he doesn't trust people even the ones that live in my building that he sees often. I can't leave him with anyone because he gets so upset. He has a heart murmur that I don't want to put a strain on. The lady down the hall has two dog he likes but I don't see her often. He will socialize with her dogs but won't let her touch him.
He is relaxed with me and very loving, he just doesn't want to let me out of his sight.

@Betty May I ask how long you both have going through the Grieving Process?

@Triphid Ray died eight months ago today. 😟

@Betty Ah, early stage for you both then, try what I suggested in my response to the comment posted by @ Retrosteve it may well benefit you both in the longer term as well.
Definitely NOT blowing my own trumpet here, but I been around and had dogs since as far back as when I was 5 years, Qualified as an Obedience Trainer, bred Sighthounds and even Obedience trained a pig, yes a Porcine animal, aka PIG, in Dog Obedience because some expert tried to tell everyone that pigs were too dumb to learn anything.
Cost him a $300 dollar wager and both a written apology and a public verbal one as well.

@Triphid Pigs are smarter than they are given credit for. Many people like them as pets. Pot belly pigs are a popular choice. 🙂

@Betty Mine, named Miss Porkchops btw, was a feral piglet I found abandoned beside the Inspection road that runs alongside the main Railway Lines that goes through western N.S.W. from Sydney through to Perth, Western Australia.
Soft as melted butter me, picked her up, put her in my tool bag, which was empty at the time because I taking replacement padlocks out to the Signal Huts, and brought her home where she somehow decided that she was a dog in disguise and the story unfolded from there.
Of course, just as she did with my dogs, Ben the Whippet, shah the Saluki and George the Borzoi, 3 year old Lorrae deemed miss Porkchops to be HJER new friend and pet as well.
No problem there EXCEPT she wanted to add to the privilege of having Ben, the Whippet, sleep beside her bed every night and have Miss Porkchops included in her night-time retinue as well.

@Triphid That is sweet. You are a gentle teddy bear. How long did you have Miss Porkchops and please don't tell me she became porkchops, that would make me cry.

@Betty Until she was about 4 years old, then she became a weed and bug eating machine out on a friends small orchard garden approx. 30 miles out of town.
Sadly she died of old age in 2017 whilst trying to pre-sample the new crop of grapes.

@Triphid It was really kind of you to give her a good life. That has to give you a good feeling. 🙂

@Betty My nephew, Henry, loved coming to visit Miss Porkchop almost as much as he does with Lady E.
Except he loves it when she perches ever so gently on his arm and snuggles in to his neck, something that she learned to do with me before Henry was born.

@Triphid Children and animals, they can have such a special connection. 🙂

@Betty Henry and I also love it when this "free to come and go" guest is around as well.
She arrived here with her Mum a few years back, the local arse-wipe Evangeloon decided to report me to the R.S.P.C.A. for having her in a cage, but found no cage, etc, and then took her Mum away. A few days later out from nowhere come this " puggle" the name for a baby Echidna btw, looking lost and hungry so I made up some milk suitable for it, fed it, found it a nice safe and warm place to sleep and decided to keep on feeding it until I thought that is was big enough to release into the wild.
Before that had a chance to happen, my property became declared by Federal Law to be a Private Haven for Native Birds and Animals so, the days of relocating my spikey guest were over and it could settle back and relax.
It turned out be a She but so far no male/s have discovered her whereabouts OR, as I have learned Echidna females are quite aggressive towards suiting males and are very choosey as well, but IF she ever has young of her own then they are as welcome here as she and, as he did when he first met Little Miss Piggy, Henry can also get know another Aussie Icon first hand and close up as well
Photos of Little Miss Piggy, in the middle a few months old, left, " I smell ants and worms let me at them," and on the right Little Miss Piggy as an adult and quite corpulent as well.

@Triphid What a sweet face she has. I just read that like the platypus she is a mammal that lays eggs, also that she is an endangered species. It is special that you and others like you are caring and protecting these beautiful creatures. 🙂

@Betty WHEN she decides to show herself and let me check up on health, etc, she is quite cute and cuddly, except for the odd rare spiky reminder that is.
Otherwise she is a very solitary being, who so I found about a year ago now is an "Honoured Guest" in the yards and gardens of every house in the block EXCEPT that of you know who, who claims that she is a devil creature and should be locked away in a zoo.

@Triphid The only one who should be locked away in a zoo is 'you know who'. A special cage with a title... Danger, Religious Zealot: Do not approach. lol

2

They make special jackets I believe for calming dog anxiety. Might help.

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I'll look into that. Thank you. 🙂

5

Is he quiet in a crate he has gradually gotten used to? I had a rescue like that & I left a properly-small-sized crate open for weeks, (size matters, itneeds to feel cozy/enclosed), putting food, toys, blankets, sometimes my worn clothing in there & then closing the door for short intervals as I stayed in the room, then just popping out & right back in again.....eventually she was calm in it,
But the most important factor is, You must be matter-of-fact, offhand even. The second you show anxiety, they Know!

The first two years of his life before we got him, he was caged up. A crate is out of the question. Thank you for trying. 🙂

@Betty not necessarily! My little Charlie was born in a hoarder home & never left his crate until the police & Aspca raided the place when he was approx 2.
He was very lucky to be on the top tier of the 40+ crates as the dogs on the 2 lower levels literally drowned in the filth.
If he was worried or feeling ill, a crate was where he headed, it represented "home" (however we perceived it. )
And he Adored his car crate and RV crate, they meant major fun could occur at any time!

@AnneWimsey I'm afraid Sammy had the opposite reaction. He can't stand to be confined, and since he has a heart murmur the stress of trying it again is not worth it. 🙂

@Betty Oh how I hate, detest and am TOTALLY sickened by those SCUM who do that to dogs.
I'd dearly LOVE to return the "favour" for them.

@Triphid You and me both. We are on the same page.

@Betty And I know exactly where and what type of "cage" is available and waiting for them as well.

@Triphid Oh, do tell. 🙂

@Betty It IS a caged in entrance to a horizontal mine shaft that collapsed in at the rear leaving just approx. a space measuring 12 feet wide, 14 feet high and, at rough guess, about 16-17 feet long.
It is some 25 + miles west of town and in a very secluded and isolate spot.

@Triphid Oooo, what a tempting thought. I think I'll let my imagination run a little wild with that one. Sadly, it will only be my imagination that give her what she deserves. That will have to be enough. 🙂

@Betty I will say my Charlie's hoarder/"breeder" was a sad, sick, senile old woman who was mandated to a secure nursing home after the raid, not fit for trial, just not all there in any way...in fact the raid no doubt saved her life as well.

@AnneWimsey That is so sad. 😟

2

It can be difficult and there may be no answers, but be as loving and caring as you can for your pups. Its going to suck, but do it.

Thank you, and I do. 🙂

2

Some trainers have mentor dogs who can model calmness for your dog.
Like an emotional support dog. It may be expensive but your dog will benefit.

Thank you. It's not an expense I can afford at this time. I will look into it to see if there is anything to help. 🙂

3

That is sad, and there may be little you can do. Dogs, even ones that have not suffered a loss, hate to be left alone. In the dogs mind when you leave it and will not take it with you, there is nothing to reassure it that you will be coming back, for all that the dog knows it has been deserted.

Perhaps the only two things that you could do, are perhaps fairly expensive ones. One is to take him to a good trainer or vet with a knowledge of animal psychology, or the other may be to get him a companion, but I would try vet first, and take their advice about the second idea.

I did ask a vet and she suggested the above mentioned as well as possibly getting another pet for companionship which may or may not work. I would rather not have two problems to find solutions for.
Thank you for trying, I appreciate the effort. 🙂

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