Your bring up very good points in your post.

Sadly the ingrained nature is not easy to get beyond for some people. Even given the opportunity to learn, it is tossed aside. I grew up in NJ but my awareness of this issue was not front and center for me. When I visited WA State in 1973 I was 20 years old, the visit became permanent, as in, "Mom shipped some of my stuff I'm not returning to NJ". One of the first things I noticed was the prejudice against the Native Peoples in the Seattle area. I remember thinking, 'white folk just seem to need to hate on one group or another'.
At 32 I started dating a man I'd met at a bicycle shop. Great guy, fantastic cyclist, good dancer. My roommates at the time were 2 Latino women. One of them says to me one day, "You know he's black?" WTF?!?!
Anyway, long story short the time did come when I needed to inform the family back east. To say it did not go well is an understatement.
It is a 2 way street though, we were in Oakland for about a week to help his sister. She and I were the gofers and made the trips to Home Depot, etc. for the remodel project. Being the only white person I received some pretty ugly looks.
We all need to work together, that's the bottom line. What I don't have is the solution and I really wish I did.

I lived in Vancouver, WA for a couple of years, working as VP of Marketing for The Holland Inc., a restaurant company that owned Burgerville, Beaches and Noodlin' at the time, early new century, we should have met then, now I'm in Floriduh, not a chance. Oh well. You're what I would describe as the perfect woman in my honest opinion. Please take the compliment, knowing that we'll never meet in person. Alas, one can dream and fantasize, right? This is how I looked back then (official pic from Burgerville announcing my hiring)