Winston Churchill loved paraprosdokians, figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected.

• Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
• The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on my list.
• Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
• If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
• War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
• Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting
  it in a fruit salad.
• They begin the evening news with 'Good Evening,' then proceed to tell you why it isn't.
• To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
• I thought I wanted a career. Turns out, I just wanted pay checks.
• In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, notify:' I put "DOCTOR."
• I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
• Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street...with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
• Behind every successful man is his woman. Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman.
• A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
• You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
• Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.
• There's a fine line between cuddling and...holding someone down so they can't get away.
• I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
• You're never too old to learn something stupid.
• To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
• Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
• Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
• I'm supposed to respect my elders, but now it’s getting harder and harder for me to find one.