Agnostic.com

27 1

Why do intelligent people suddenly turn to a god in there darkest hours

I have a loved one going though a rough period in there life and they have never been religious. But now they say the Lord is there guide and savior. They have never believed before. And in fact have always denounced the need for a god. So why as a species do we need to turn to such ideas instead of looking inward for the truth about life,instead of our own reasoning. I want to be there for them but it seems as though their new found beliefs are putting walls between us and that is what they want. How do i procede forward in this case to maintain a relationship with a family member that up until now has been vary close and dear to me..any good advise would be appreciated.

River-david 5 May 17
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

27 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

6

Well if it helps them, then I guess be supportive but don't compromise yourself. I've never been in this situation, so don't necessarily take my advise.
I'm responding because I'm reminded of Voltaire, who on his deathbed was visited by 2 priests. The older priest told him that the end is near and now is the time to renounce the devil. Voltaire famously replied "I don't think now is the time to be making enemies."
Hope that helps, or at the very least gives you a laugh.

It did make me smile.i like that alot.thank you

6

Gods give people hope even if it false hope.
Sound like he or she have never been giving to right tools to handle life.

6

Desperation. We shouldn't ridicule them.

6
  1. For the love of whatever it's "their" not "there" and for the record, I am not the vocabulary police but when someone questions the motives of intelligent people - they have to demonstrate that they understand the fundamentals.

  2. If you want to be there for your loved one then be there for your loved one - set aside your ego - it's not about you. It's one thing to denounce "God" when you believe you have a lifetime ahead of you. All of that goes away when you realize that you only have days. So hold their hand, make them feel comfortable and don't judge.

The only reason you're having an issue right now is that you're injecting your views into a process that doesn't require it. Let the dying loved one find comfort in whatever way they can and just support them. And yes, that may require you to listen and keep your opinions to yourself. When it comes to a loved one that is dying and if you're really there to support them there should be no "I" in your comments.

No one is dying. I said their darkest hour and never implyed death..the issue is she left me and the small children and I will not give them up now. And her new found religion is a way to demonize me and justify her bad decisions. As well as not carry the responsibility of the consiquences. The Lord is my saviour said over and over out of context or without being revelent leaves me speechless. As for my ego that's an assumption on your part. Assumptions are like religion, that is ,not based on facts but just your misguided opinion. And not being a good speller does not make me unintelligent....again your misguided opinion

5

Go along with it. Being humane sometimes calls for humoring. It doesn't matter at this point for them. Earlier perhaps, but not now. It is like a controlling spouse condemning a well meaning family member who smuggles in a drink or a cigarette to a dying loved one. Who the Hell cares at this point?

4

People search for someone/something to save them during times of hardship. Your loved one is afraid and fear makes us look for help/meaning. The only way to deal with it is to be kind, be accepting of this new “belief”. They may never go back or maybe they will, the only thing you can do is be supportive for their way of handling their fear. Be kind,,,,

Thank you.

3

Cus this is easy?
we all needs emotional support, feeling life has a meaning, a bit of hope. If its not possible to get it normal way some people are turning to this properly created ilusion of support

3

Maybe we should ask Abraham Maslow: We humans have needs, and, usually, the needs of the heart (figuratively speaking) are more pressing than those of the brain. But, let me add this: (My 2 cents): If someone I love is about to die, and if believing in a deity helps him/her, in those final days, to cope, to have some peace, to cast away his/her fear, then What's the problem? I myself would hold his/her hand and pray with him/her. It just doesn't matter whether I do believe or not. In my axiological hierarchy, friendship and love are more important than truth.

2

Prayer can be the last resort for desperate people. A psychological crutch. I don't know what to suggest for you to approach this persons new found delusion other than to be patient and wait for the rough period to pass. Usually people look back on it and feel embarrassed about their new found temporary belief.

2

This is human nature. It's part of our character and culture to seek a Big Daddy who will fix everything and take care of us. There's good evidence that the human brain is programmed by evolution for this kind of behavior, and reinforced by our culture. In centuries past, it made sense to pray for relief from disease or hardship because we didn't have the germ theory or other advanced forms of medicine. Scientifically we've advanced, culturally not so much. Our culture still provides a lot of pressure to fall back to the religious model and seek supernatural help. It can be hard to resist that kind of pressure, depending on the person, depending on their background, and depending on what they're going through.

Having read farther down the thread and seen a little more of the specific issue, some people become desperate and seek outside "supernatural" support in times like this. Sometimes people who can't cope with their problems look to the Big Sky Daddy as a person who will do it for them. It may also be a case of a person seeking supernatural "forgiveness" for things they're doing or have done, rather than having to deal with the consequences of those actions. I deal with people like this daily, who seem to think that, if God has forgiven them, it doesn't matter anymore what they did in the real world.

2

Depression, that's a tough one to suffer from. The pill doctors keep adding or increasing the prescriptions. The referrals to psychiatrists, at all, work a bit with pointed, but subtle questioning. Eventually, the prescriptions are updated and I leave with new drugs, but the same emotional cloud over my mind. In the final analysis, I think it is chemical, mental and emotional. Steroids give a few days of relief, but that seems extreme. I live, I work, I eat and I look for the parting of the cloud. Religion and "belief systems" only blame our conditions on some diety or institution whose job is to distract us from finding solutions for ourselves. I'll keep looking and I will enjoy the the moments of happiness I get from friends, lovers, and family.

2

Extreme pain can make you do crazy things. Sometimes people need something to hang on to, to think that the world makes sense.

2

Better a comforting lie than an inconvenient truth when it comes to ones own mortality.

Respectfully, I could not disagree more. I care only for the truth. And even if I don't like it i take comfort in knowing that I'm not left in the dark. I can grow and learn from it as opposed to false hope that only serves to propagate more of the same. Thank you for your input, a different point of view is always welcome and helpful

@River-david Personally I concur with you but not everyone is so bold. Maybe when I am in my 70's I'll want some false comfort as well, I hope not.

@Surfpirate hopefully you live to see 100+

@River-david if I live to then medical science has advanced to the point where I might as well hang in there and live to 1,000. 😉

2

My mother regained her Catholic faith as she got older. One of the great benefits of religion is the comfort that it brings in your own mortality and that of those around you. Knowing that your days left on the planet are limited, you cling to the hope of your consciousness living on in a better place afterwards, with all of your bodily ailments cured, and reunited with everyone who passed before you. You also get to watch your living relatives masturbating or taking a dump, but we'll gloss over that.

So, nearing end of life, I think it's a coping mechanism that some people use to mitigate the fear of imminent death. And if it works for them, fair enough. Deep down, I think most people like to believe that there's more to them (at least what makes them 'them' ) than a bunch of electrical and chemical signals firing around inside their cranium, and that this sense of 'them' somehow transcends their physical body and can continue to exist without it. Whichever way you look at it, the human consciousness is something that's considerably greater than the sum of its parts.

2

fear

2

All great responses to this person's interest in outside advice. I have a neighbor who says that she is getting very little sleep due to her thoughts in the night about how her adult children turned out and the guilt that she has of being a bad mother. She also has been crying about going from being rich to having to live here.. a government run senior complex; small, but VERY nice. She praises her god for her survival of her stroke and says that jesus and god are her salvation and that only we all must praise them. Well, two days ago she asked me if I believe in god. I replied: "No, I was raised on science". Bitch then said, "Oh no, that's the worst religion".
Just continue to be you and love you. Don't stress due to other people's attempts put a bandage on a deep wound..don't get sucked into their darkness. Sorry about your relation with your loved one...People tend to change...maybe that person will change again.. and again..and again.

Thank you so much,that is good advice and much appreciated.

2

Gawd= mommy/daddy save me.

Man that is so close to the real truth of it.literally! Thanks it made me smile

2

Fear is the mind killer.

2

A person’s opinion on theology is a tiny part of their makeup. Continue loving your kin. We all evolve gradually in our understanding. Just talk about other things if possible.

1

Fear has gripped them and that fear has them second guessing what they knew to be true. The truth is a scary and lonely place it’s comforting to forget and hold others that also live in the dark To stand in the light of truth is to stand naked in the harsh light knowing all your decisions are your own There is no one out there judging you or saving you from your self In the end you leave this world the way you came in Alone That is the crux of all our fears

pgaddy Level 3 June 13, 2018

Well said. Thank you

1

It's a character weakness. It's easier then thinking for yourself. An easy way out. I don't think you can do anything to change it. Accept it or not. That's the choice you have.

1

Hi. Me again. Something occurred to me. I'm curious about responses to an old military saying, " There are no atheists in a foxhole" . It has always caught my attention, both as a devout Christian and an emancipated one.

I don't believe thats true, i have always excepted the hand i was dealt and have many times thought i was living my last minutes and although i was and still do fear death (to some degree) the thought of leaving it in a gods hand never accured to me. I hope it never does. I could not help but be focused on the next right move to make to stay alive or not get hurt.in a dangerous moment micro seconds count and critical thinking is heightened. From my experiences. I have never been in a foxhole but have been shot at and had guns pointed at my face many times .also I've got myself in a few bad situations alone in the mountains climbing (not a smart thing to have done) and kayaking is a solo thing even when in a group. Street life is just as unpredictable as a war zone. Cheated death many times and chalk it up to luck and nothing more.

In fact there are documented cases of atheists in foxholes. Not everyone turns to an outside force for aid.

@Paul4747 Being in a foxhole wouldn't make any difference to my beliefs. But then I have a very strong character.

@GoldenDoll
I think we would find that most atheists and agnostics have very strong characters, I believe it demands a strong character to make up one's own mind as opposed to following the crowd and believing what you're told by society, family, and so on.

@Paul4747 I'd rather be with the atheists in the foxhole, because at no time do they decide to give up cuz this is god's plan. Those mother fuckers know this is IT, so they I would imagine fight harder to live.

@Jenmcjen i couldnt agree more with your thoughts

1

I turned away from god. My darkest hours are the rest of my life, because I have chronic clinical depression (inherited). Any god who made this mess of a person is cruel and unworthy of being worshipped.

I have a close family member that suffers from depression and I understand (from the outside looking in) how hard that can be to fight. I think of him and what I might do to help but have never found any answers.
If I may give a little simple advice it would be to stay in motion. Phisical activity promotes new brain cells. I wish you the best.

You are not "a mess of a person". If I think of it as a condition (like diabetes), it makes it easier for me to control. Best wishes.

You have to find a good psychiatrist. Like you, I suffer from hereditary brain chemistry dysfunction - wonky serotonin-reuptake inhibitors - that wasn't diagnosed until I was thirty-five. Today there's an array of available anti-depressant meds that can alleviate your condition. You're fortunate in that your depression has been recognized for what it is, the next step is to avail yourself of the means of feeling much better (for me, meds worked almost overnight). Consider therapy, too. You don't have to suffer debilitating lows - there is a solution, I promise.

@River-david I do. It doesn't help much, but it does help. I've actually been pretty good since my life started to turn around.

1

I am sure many/most humans have a predisposition to accept extra-real explanations. I think is is the result of our need/instinct to learn/explore/understand, and, the fact that those who have won the wars were believers, thus passing those genetic structures through procreation.

Dying with thought that all was for nought is deeply depressing.

Non-believers are more likely to suicide.

Just speaking for myself, my disbelief in a after life helps me to be aware of how precious our lives are. But yes i do agree with you. Thank you

1

I wish I knew I am very sorry for your situation - would it help if you did some things together like seeing a film that oyu both enjoy so that she has other outlets

No i don't think so in this situation. But that's definitely not a bad idea if things where a little different. Many thanks.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:83448
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.