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Escaping broken love

How do you escape love that is ultimately bad for you? I’m not in a physical or emotional abusive situation. There is just not a future in this relationship. Plenty of love and attraction, nothing much beyond that.

TonyW 4 May 18
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11 comments

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1

I forgave a lot over 28 years. As things got worse it became harder to forgive. As real legal threats threatened me and my livelihood I had to pull the plug.. Love and attraction are not enough if you are not headed the same way. Its not about being the bigger person, its about being honest that you want something different. That does not make them wrong, or bad, just not what you really want. And you deserve a chance to be the best YOU that you can be.

This is the new struggle now. I know what I want. But can I be loyal to myself? I have to actively remind myself.

1

Hmmm. You say you have love and attraction and there is no physical or emotional abuse in your current relationship. What is it that you need to escape from and run toward? I guess for me the first question I would have to answer before making my escape is what is it that is missing from the current relationship that is essential? I would write those things down and give them a complete once over. Are these qualities really missing from your current relationship or can they be developed? All too often I have ended relationships for reasons that really had nothing to do with the current connection but more to do with my fears or misunderstands. Staying connected is hard. Finding new connections can be even harder.

I have done this self-eval so I totally know what is missing. I knew going into it. The new component is true love. This is my first and it has been hard to just lop it off. I know there will never be another like her. I do imagine another love though

2

Maybe I need more info, so far I can't see the downside.

@irascible It’s an LDR that we’re having trouble closing the gap and breaking up.

@irascible polyamory? Nice

ok, yeah the distance can be problematic. Pity.
@irascible good setup, I have a friend 2 towns away who was good casual company, she emailed last week, wants to spend more time on her own, damn I know I have been put on the backburner. So now my closest companion is an hours away. Well at the moment she is in the next room, but tomorrow she will be an hour away. But nothing beats a close relationship in distance and feelings.

3

Love never been bad for me.

1

How is it broken or bad for you if there is plenty of love and attraction? You mean you want "deeper" love? You ever see the meme of the woman that is just a skeleton and the caption says, "Waiting for the right man"? It's different if you just don't feel it. If that's the case then break up and do both of you a favor by not wasting her and your time.

I think we are on our 3rd breakup trying to end this. I would hate for it to need hellfire and pain to get a permanent breakup.

2

Walk away. Be honest, but walk away.

@ScienceBiker It’s even easier than that. This has been a 2yr LDR online. I would just have to remove the app from my phone and it is done. But I haven’t.

1

There must be 50 ways to leave your lover.
You just slip out the back, Jack
Make a new plan, Stan
You don't need to be coy, Roy
Just get yourself free
Hop on the bus, Gus
You don't need to discuss much
Just drop off the key, Lee
And get yourself free
Paul Simon

Got it, Kodachrome.

0

No future but no abuse. Plenty of love and attraction? Don't get it sorry. No future? Why?

It’s been an LDR that’s ready for the next steps. But our lives won’t allow it.

1

"Love and attraction." That sounds like plenty to me.

Do you mean sex and attraction?

Yes. Love and attraction and sex... and hand holding and sad looks and help when I’m tired and the magic of children. There’s a lot lost between us beyond the love and attraction.

@TonyW

Just break up. For her sake and yours.

1

If there is love and attraction, why then is there no future?

Our lives are committed to our children. Our children are 1,000mi apart. This is one of those oops mistakes that has been hard to undo.

1

Sounds like you have already made the determination that you need to leave, now comes the hard part of ending the relationship. How? You have the difficult conversation and deal with the emotional fallout it will create. I went through this recently and ended a relationship with someone who I cared for (and still do), but who was going nowhere. Although there was a great deal of physical attraction and our personalities meshed well, we both brought a lot of baggage into the relationship (emotional and otherwise). She was a financial and emotional drain and I finally had to end things. It sucked, but it needed to happen. I hope this helps.

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