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Having to explain, most of my life, why being bi doesn't mean I cheat and why I post that I am bisexual if I'm married and not looking to cheat. Mostly I try to make them think for themselves with a little coaching on my behalf. Just because I am sexually attracted to both males and females does mean I'm going to cheat any more than a straight person would cheat on their significant other. Just because you are married doesn't change who you are and who you are attracted to. A bi person isn't no longer bisexual because they are married to someone of the opposite sex, just a straight person isn't straight anymore just because they are married. Just because I find a woman as sexually attractive as I might find a male doesn't mean I am going to go do something with them, just as a married straight person wouldn't (shouldn't) go do something with someone of the opposite sex while they are married. The difference these people seem to see in bisexuals is not really there.

Curious if anyone has had to deal with this and what your response usually is.

#sex
Aivery 7 Oct 6
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17 comments

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1

I have bi friends and hear this a lot. Just seems like poor reasoning skills me. But then a large portion of people make their life decisions based largely on feeling, rather than facts. Just how some people are built.

1

I see it as being happy with who you're with. Still bi but monogamous if that makes sense.

LouisD61 Level 7 Oct 7, 2018
0

Interesting. I am sorry you have had to deal with this.

0

Most Americans seems to be profoundly ignorant and childish where it concerns sex. They remind me of so many fifth graders, screaming and squealing over anything that even hints of a sexual nature, like so many "Beavis and Butthead" routines.

Actually, I've recently started rewatching Mad Men, yet again, and it seems that most US people haven't learned much since the 1950s.

I only tell people what I am-a demisexual nonbinary partial transmale who lives as an androgynous female-if they are actually interested, supplying definitions.

But I don't really care if I offend anyone and cut them off impatiently if they start anything. I routinely block/delete, cut off all contact with anyone who is disrespectful to me.

Love this!!!

1

I’ve seen this a lot online and I usually remind people of the volumes of stories we’ve all heard of straight people cheating. Disloyalty doesn’t belong to a sexual preference at all. Period.

Olnoseven Level 7 Oct 6, 2018
1

I rarely tell anyone I am bi because both homosexuals and heteros kinda give me shit.
The homos think I'm just bi curious or looking to "play" whereas the hetero males wanna talk about group sex and hetero females just back away,

The truth is that I was in 2 long term relationships with women that lasted years each. One of them was 5 years with a joint bank account.

I do think that the younger generation is a bit kinder but for my age group, being bi is a social life killer because neither side wants you

Lucy_Fehr Level 8 Oct 6, 2018
0

I do have a question.

As a male my thoughts run away with me that if i was with a bi female it might be a turn on to see her with another woman and maybe even join in.

The question is the reverse scenario that if a female was with a bi male would the same fantasy play out in her mind?

Nardi Level 7 Oct 6, 2018

Most definitely depends on the girl...if she is bi she will understand...no guarantee it will be a turn on...some get off on it some don't...my first wife loved seeing me with our live in paramour...I had a girlfriend about 10 years ago that loved seeing two men get each other off...you just need to put it out there and find the right partner.
Swing Lifestyle SLS has groups you can join for specific desires...good luck.

1

I think it's a fundamental misunderstanding of bisexuality from both homosexuals and heterosexuals. While a bisexual, all other preferences being met, is willing to have sex with someone regardless of their sex, homosexuals and heterosexuals seem to have an understanding of bisexuals as having an absolute need for intimacy with both male and female. Therefore if they're in a relationship with someone female, they'll be compelled to have sex with someone male, and vice-versa.

It's nonsense, of course. It's like saying a heterosexual male who likes women with large breasts can't remain faithful to one who doesn't have them.

0

In my first marriage both wife and I were bi...we were fortunate in that we had a hi level of communication. Cheating was never an issue as any outside relationship was discussed and agreed upon. Jealousy was never a factor and we were able to "have our cake and eat it too" ... We were able to separate Sex and Love. Desire outside the marriage
is normal...its how you handle it that determines how
good or bad it can be...takes a lot of soul searching and honesty...Namaste

0

Whether a person is cheating or not is based upon the agreement they entered into with their partner in the beginning. Cheating means breaking trust, and that trust is contingent upon the terms defined at the onset of a relationship. It has nothing to do with what attracts a person, and everything to do with what they do about that attraction.

Deb57 Level 8 Oct 6, 2018
0

Okay, I'm old and have a different perspective on people. I'm not bisexual, but I don't believe bisexuals are any more likely to cheat than heterosexuals or homosexuals.

I know a bisexual couple, a man and woman who are polyamorous. Their idea of cheating would probably be slightly different than yours, but they seem to have a great deal of love and trust for one another. Any way....

So here's the main point of my post: you're happy with your marriage, and that should be all that matters. Nobody else needs to concern themselves with your personal life. Hell, you sexuality is none of their business either. Eventually, you will realize that if you are happy the opinions, suspicions, and misconceptions of others are their problems not yours. People are idiots. Be happy with your life and don't worry about whether they are or not.

You are under no obligation to explain yourself to anyone. 🙂

JimG Level 8 Oct 6, 2018
0

I don't call myself bi cuz I only did it with girls a couple times when I was drunk but I had conversations with straight men about bi girls. They say 'Oh, they are horny sluts, they just want everyone'. You're right, a lot of people think that way unfortunately.

Yulia999 Level 5 Oct 6, 2018
0

I dealt with the same situation and now deal with the fallout. As far as I can tell, the suspicious mind can't allow for the bisexual to have any honour, integrity or other values that heterosexuals are credited with free gratis. I can't give an answer to a young person because simple old age put me in a position where I can afford not to care about other people's opinions anymore. I wish you well and hop you find the person you deserve.

brentan Level 8 Oct 6, 2018
0

Thank you . While I did not hold anything against bi sexuals I had no idea what it really meant.Again thank you for explaining your position.

Marine Level 8 Oct 6, 2018
0

I have not, but people that are bisexual are typically more liberal and open to non-conventional relationships (open marriages, live in third, etc), thus they are perceived as continually living such a lifestyle, even after marriage. I agree though, a hetro married man still finds women attractive, a hetro woman will still find other men attractive...doesn't mean they run off and F them at the drop of a hat.

I have had friends in open relationship, and one married couple who had a live in girlfriend. From my discussions, these situations usually end bad, with feelings of jealousy and betrayal. It takes a really strong relationship to survive period, not to mention all the emotional baggage that comes in this type of situation.

jondspen Level 7 Oct 6, 2018

@Aivery Yea...see...I personally wouldn't put up with that shit. Granted, I am more conservative, but I also wouldn't cater to my wife to eat her cake and have it too, while I was expected to tow more of a traditional line. Maybe not your case, but again, from my discussions, seems that couples who do this typically go with the wife's choice of who HER third partner should be. They might talk about it as a couple, but at the end of the day it's doing what SHE wants to make HER happy. Then wife either gets jealous b/c hubby and girlfriend are getting too close, or she get's pissed at 'controlling insecure' husband b/c her and g/f are doing their own thing and starts pushing him out.

Don't know you're story or relationship, and my experiences are probably skewed b/c it was from people in Cali back in early 90's, or more recently from people/couples here in Bible Belt Tennessee. I am sure the conservative christian viewpoint, while not followed, still affected these very liberal people unconsciously. Men in the US, and especially around here, still hold on to traditional male/women values (men should protect the women, let them on the lifeboat first, pay for dates, open doors for her, acquiesce to their desires)...and this is even from very liberal feminist men.

@Aivery That's great...and shows a very healthy, loving, and trusting relationship. Grtz for both of you. And yea...I agree that relationships and marriage today are very closed and limited institutions that really do a lot of damage. One person, for the rest of your life, irregardless of the changes you and they experience in life, and that person is the only, now and forever the single one for every desire and pleasure you experience in life?!?!? Come on!!! First IMO, it undermines you as an individual to experience living. Second, it puts a tremendous amount of pressure on one person to meet another's needs.

1

You shouldn't have to explain yourself or br judged. Attraction is normal and does not imply nefarious intent in any way. I agree with your comments.

t1nick Level 8 Oct 6, 2018
0

indeed! i have a friend who is bi, and he ended up staying with his wife because -- big shock -- he actually LOVES her. they have two kids and have grown old together, though not as old as i, mwahahaha, as i'll always be a couple of years ahead. so he falls in love with the actor instead of the actress in a movie; that's not cheating! if one is straight and attracted to the opposite sex, does that mean one goes about screwing all members of the opposite sex? one makes one's choice, right? why should it be different for anyone who has a wider range of potential targets (so to speak)? people want to define each other in the oddest ways, to make sure there is always "the other." i suppose it's disappointing for some folks to find out that most people are more the same than they are different.

g

genessa Level 8 Oct 6, 2018
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