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I am feeling insecure about my communication skills with someone that I met recently. I like to communicate on a deeper level (like finding out more about him, his likes, dislikes and letting him know more about me), but he likes to talk about his job, and the thing is that he monopolizes the conversation, so it's had to get a word in, so I just end up laughing and saying yes, I understand, but I want to know more about him. Am I wrong or am I being to sensitive?
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3 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.It sounds like everyone is giving advice as if this has been going on for quite some time, this was also my initial guess when reading your post. I just wanted to check in with you to see if we were correct. Has this been more if a several months problem or a two or three dates type problem? In the first case, I agree that it's a big deal, but in the later it might turn out to be a non issue once you both start to feel more comfortable talking to each other.
Tara2
Level 4
May 7, 2018
2
a conversation is a two-way thing so he isn't doing that but just talking to you about what he does. sounds a bit dominating and self-important or he just doesn't realise that you want to talk too.
LeighShelton
Level 8
May 7, 2018
3
@Lita if I had to guess id say he just likes hearing himself talk about him. that would be a red flag for me and I'm only thinking of you.
@Lita don't question yourself. its plain as day to me he is a self-important man meaning you will be second best. I think a good relationship is obviously a beautiful compromise where you are equally important like a 2 piece jigsaw puzzle.
It might be nervousness on his part, but I don’t think you’re being too sensitive. Your needs-talking or otherwise-are important too. Try to tell him but if you can’t, or he won’t let you, maybe he’s not right for you.
CarolinaGirl60
Level 8
May 6, 2018
3
@Lita What @CarolinaGirl60 and @Scoobs said are both very good but everytime you reveal more about him it's another example of how he talks about himself and doesn't get to know you. Be careful. I assume since you're posting in this group you're like the rest of us here and have a hard time letting go or try to control things you shouldn't. Maybe take a step back and honestly assess what's going on. What are you and aren't you getting from him? Are you getting what you want and need from him? Do you think this is a healthy interaction? I am, at this moment, trying to pull myself out of an unhealthy obsession with EXACTLY the wrong person. Recognizing and getting out of our unhealthy patterns of behavior can be a lifelong struggle. Please do what you need to take care of yourself. With you in the struggle. Peace.
@Lita Slowing down is good. The more details I read about him, the more concerned I am that he’s some level of toxic: narcissistic maybe. He’s telling you to address YOUR issues while letting your concerns go. If it’s a pattern he has to deflect and refuse true communication, that’s potential verbal/emotional abuse. Many good books are available on the topic; Google Patricia Evans.
I don’t know the whole situation, though.
Take it very, very slow, and know that your thoughts, feelings, desires, and opinions are just as valid as his. Look for respect and accountability.
Good luck!
@Lita Did he ask you to send him medical records? You sent him those records and then he doesn't mention them? It really sounds like he's not interested and is keeping you at a distance. I know what it's like to try and make a connection with someone but they aren't interested and yet won't tell that to your face. Maybe step back and try to think of something other than him for awhile. Take care.
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