Verses of BBQ

Salvations 1:1 Verily,verily I say unto thee, an open flame shall not touch thy cooking flesh or thine days will be numbered before you are cast into the lake of ire.

Goatesians 1:2-4 The only way to the BBQ is with the meat. It is blasphemous and very naughty in my wholly site for thou to roast, even over the slow fire, beef, chicken, venison, goat, lamb , possum, armadillo, rattlesnake or any other creature that roams the earth, the weasel, the mouse, the great lizard according to its kind, the gecko, the land crocodile, the lizard, the sand lizard, and the chameleon…. and this meat B-B-Q. They shall remain an abomination to you; Of their flesh you shall not eat, and their carcasses you shall not touch; they are unclean to you. The sacred pig is the only animal acceptable in my site for B-B-Q.

Baah 1:5 It is unwholly and unwise and another abomination to use a cooking vessel that is a gas grill to cook the sacred BBQ. Just as the BBQ must be pork, so must the fire be charcoal with hickory chips, the aroma is pleasing to my nostrils.

Hornations 1:9 It is unholy to anoint the sacred pig with thy sauce while the wholly BBQ is cooking. To put sauce on the wholly flesh is impure and unclean. I will turn my eyes away thee and cease to bless those who transpire against me and do not keep my commandments. Thou shall not be impatient while thy cookest the wholly BBQ. Bring not to my table meat with the fat still in it. Cook the meat slowly and turn it often and you will be blessed.

Gnaw 1:20-23 When serving the blessed and wholly BBQ thy condiments shall not include green garden vegetable, or green peas, or squash, or rutabagas, or turnips, or kale, or brussel sprouts, or field peas, or celery, or broccoli, or cauliflower, nay I say unto you. BBQ beans are right on, as is mustard slaw and bread.

Bud 1:1 Thy must drink beer with thy BBQ or you will be smitten and turned into a pillar of salt.

From my ABC's of BBQ: Smoking the Meat Edition [ruthlessreviews.com]