I wouldn't date someone who didn't have grown kids or who hadn't been married before either.
Otherwise, they usually haven't a clue what relationships and children involve, often seeming to think life is one big party.

It's a red flag for me. When I see never been married and has no kids in a dating profile it usually suggests they can't commit and do not understand the commitment it takes to raise children. I've tried to date men who have not been married and who have no kids. The one who hasn't had kids often seems to feel that I spend too much time with children and give them to much attention. Ummmm... They're kids... They need their parents time and attention.

Many women are under the mistaken impression that older men who have never been married are bisexuals who engage in homosexual sex.

Ugh I hate dating sites. For some women breeding is their entire identy. I suspect she's one of them. Move on, and be glad she didn't want to meet you.

When I see “never married” on a profile, I wonder what the person is looking for. Have they had successful long term relationships? Do they want a casual relationship? If they want marriage, what changed so that it’s appealing now, or what prevented it before? A bit more information upfront would prevent people from assuming the person was just a player or had some serious issues.

In a way I agree with her. At my age range a woman who has not been in a committed relationship, to me, is looking for security. She lacks the partnership skills necessary to maintain a loving relationship. My aunt married for the first time late in life. She spent the next 30 years picking fights with my uncle and asserting her independence. No thank you.

It really depends. My last boyfriend was never married and had no children. I found out fairly quickly why. He was a malignant narcissist with delusions of Godhood. He also believed the only right way was his way; everyone else was wrong. When I cooked, if it wasn't done the way his mother made it, he would complain and get the recipe. The last straw was when I realized that he never told me the truth in anything. His explanation....... I knew it would hurt you.

I'm not saying you are the same way as I don't know you, however other women may have been burned one to many times and are hesitant on having a relation with an older man that has never been married.

When you said "her kids are grown up, out of the house." I thought I know exactly where she is coming from. You don't get to stop being a parent just because the kids have left home, doesn't work that way, at least not for women, they are still your kids and top of the priority list. If you don't get that then yes the cultural difference is huge.
Not married, wouldn't care less about, but never in a long term relationship would be a red flag for me, it says something about your priorities. Even if it turns into a train wreck a long term relationship has either taught you something about habitually considering the other person in your life and not finding that a burden, or it hasn't and that is why it was a train wreck.

People who have had children don't always understand partnership. The Bible says cling to your wife. Not your mom you kids your dad. It's good advice.

I don't understand this logic.

To me it makes more sense to ask why that's the case before you consider it's a red flag. For example, a woman might wonder why a man has never married and had no kids. If she finds a severed hand in his refrigerator, then she'll find out the answer. But if he says something like, "I was in a long-term relationship that never turned to marriage. We both wanted to just travel and walk around the house naked which is why we never had kids"... Or any other plethora of answers would also be understandable.

Just get to know the person, ffs. BTW, her saying that was great. When people show who they are don't make it as something that's wrong with you.

Not at all to me at least

I have been on the other side of the coin in 2 ways.
Women with no ex and no kids would see my kids as an infringement, they are in their 30s, but still a big part of my life.
I have also had women who expect me to break ties with my kids as they do not understand my world.
I have dated women whose kids are nightmares and where I have had all sorts of battles with ex husbands from physical threats to court rooms. ahhh life, ignore it, hate it, you can't like it.

The older you get without being partnered at some point, the bigger the red flags....

I suspect she fears you won't understand her attachment to her children unless you've "been there".

Or she assumes you're a playboy and will hurt her.

We all have our red flags I suppose. Mine is socio-economic level. I hesitate to date anyone that is significantly higher up than me.

Makes life a bit difficult since I'm more educated than most from a similar background as I but earn less than those whose education I match.

You dodged a bullet. Be grateful. Breeder entitlement is a prevalent theme in our society. People think that they are someone better, smarter, more responsible, etc. just because they had a few sex trophies. Yet, they roll their eyes when you point out that you can't go a day without hearing about someone murdering, abusing, abandoning, their children...or even stories of all the "dead-beat" parents. If the mere biological act of reproduction made people "better" in any regard, the news wouldn't be full of dead/abused/neglected kids.

Yet, breeders still expect everyone to think they are oh sooooooooooooo amazing.

You are a catch for any woman who valued education and career over just adding to the over-population of the Earth. Like I said, you dodged a bullet.

Most people get married and have kids so one mtght wonder what it is about you that kept you from doing that. The fact that I've been married and divorced 4 times sometimes causes people to wonder why my marriages all failed. While it is true that I wasn't willing to stay in unhealthy marriages, finding the right partner can be largely a matter of chance.

She sounds like a complete, right wing, brainless imbecile. She comes from the place where parents wear their children like medals awarded by society.

Obviously, she isnt for you ?

Turn around, walk away.

it wouldn't be a red flag for me, but I'd wonder about compatibility. like, did you just not want kids? because i love kids and couldn't have married a man who didn't, even if I was done having kids at the time we met.

Man child ....lol sorry just kidding plus talking about myself until I was 39

I, too, would probably stay away from any woman who hasn't a "normal" life life experience. That would be for me a red flag about something being wrong. On the other hand, I've met some women who have lived an extraordinary life, to whom "normal" simply don't apply..

has anyone thought that the greatest difference that two people could have is that one is a male and one is a female

No it isn't. That woman is being unfair to judge you for that.

IMHO, don't think it is negative. To me it means you don't have baby mama drama. No child support and no alimony. All good things. It also means you might not understand my involvement with my kids, but I'm not going to assume the worst at the get go. I think you definitely dodged a bullet, that judgement was kinda harsh. It's not like you have inhabited another planet and you were a kid once and had parents. You know how those relationships work.