My dads entire life he was an Atheist. He battled cancer for several years and upon his death bed when he was not of sound mind, his wife had him baptized and had a minister save his soul.
This angers me bc I know it was more for HER peace of mind. She is no longer a part of mine or my sons lives. Am I wrong to be upset about this or should I be happy in case she was right and we were wrong all along?
It would anger me too as I'm putting myself in his shoes. I’m sure neither your dad or you would dishonor her by not allowing her a religious service. Funerals are for the living, he won’t know the difference but I believe the memory of what he believed and stood for should have been respected as that is the part of him that lives on.
On principle, it is demeaning and hurtful that she would force her beliefs onto another so SHE could feel better. That is a hallmark of the devout. You have every right to be angry. On the other hand, this one act in and of itself had to negative impact to your father's situation. I can't say the same is true for other religiously motivated unnecessary hurdles her religiosity may have placed at other times in your life. You may likely be actually upset at this historical pattern of behavior.
Death and tragedy is where we are at our most vulnerable. It's natural to doubt the nature of reality, everyone is afraid of the nothingness. Especially religious people. We who can accept that there is nothing are more mentally strong. Those who cannot handle the idea of death need to comfort themselves with the idea of immortality. I would encourage you to not give in to the fear of the unknown and be strong in your grip on reality. In the end, the choice is up to you based on what you can handle psychologically and emotionally. Being an atheist is not for everyone, especially when surrounded by so much messaging about a happily ever after.
Probably was for wife's peace of mind. No one can tell anyone you "shouldnt" feel a certain way. But your thoughts are what cause feelings, so look at your thoughts and ask yourself, who is hurt by your anger other than yourself. Sorry for your loss.
I think you have every right to be upset. I would be upset. But the thing is, since there is no God, it didn't really do anything. Nothing really changed because she did it. So the only thing that's affected if you decide to be upset is you.
I don't think there is anything wrong with being upset, but I would let go of it for your own peace of mind.
In her own way she was trying to save your father. The fact that she did that says she loved him and in her muddled religous mind she was worried. The Baptism didn't hurt him so I would look at it as a good thing, in that she wouldn't think your dad was in purgatory.
Unless Richard Dawkins is actually the God then there will be nobody in the mythical afterlife to tease your Dad about it and no harm done by this pointless baptism. There is no non-god deity to take offence of any religious belief.
I imagine his wife was doing what she believed was best for her husband. Don't waste your lives hating her for something, after some thinking, amounts to nothing.
You're not wrong about being upset. That's totally understandable. You know what your dad's beliefs were, and you know what your beliefs are as well. She obviously didn't respect his choices. You do what feels right to you.
I'm sorry to hear about your father.
That sucks. My entire family is Catholic, and I know these fuckers would love to bury me holy water or some dumb shit if I died. That's why if I were to be close to dying I would just jump off a boat in the arctic seas. All so they won't get the satisfaction, because they kept giving me shit. I want to be food for the sharks. Or go in the middle of the amazon and fertilize a poison ivy plant or some shit.
Whether you're wrong or not, objectively speaking, who knows. But if you're angry, embrace it. Let it take its course.
I'm sorry for your loss, SunnySmiles.
I share your anger because this is NOT something that your dad would have wanted. I'm no "agony aunt" but this seems to come down to his wife's opinion (and actions) versus yours (and your dad's). His wife may have been thinking that she was doing the right thing because she holds different beliefs to you. I'd share your feelings with her and then it is up to her to build bridges. Life's too short to let shit such as this get in the way of living it.
She disrespected his wishes for her piece of mind? I guess I just do not get how that would ever work. If this god is all knowing he is gonna know it was coerced and forced on him when he was out of it. So this god just is excepting of this? Doesn't that just seem weird? Also would not trust this lady if that is how she works and her needs are the only that matter to her.
Hello, I just joined this site and was reading the replies here. Sunny, in my opinion she was completely wrong and she used his weak condition to force her will upon your father and your family. Pitiful, but I am sure you have heard the saying ....if you could reason with religious people there wouldn’t be any religious people!
it is surprising how often these people of "faith" don't know their own bible. Her own faith would have made him Holy, according to their archaic book. She should have been sensitive to his desires and wishes. That is the height of selfishness, and arrogance.
She was wrong. You were right. My parents' case was different: they were both very religious before they died (about 2 years apart) from cancer and dementia. Because they were religious I didn't object to the priests being involved - it may have brought them some comfort. And I attended their religious funerals. I don't think I will attend any more, though. Personally I don't want to have a funeral of any kind. It won't affect me but somebody will have to pay for it and the undertakers are a grasping bunch of hypocritical thieves. I've recently sent for the papers to leave my body to the local anatomy school; that will at least serve some good purpose.
Sunny, I am coming to this post late, and I don't have much to say that hasn't already been said. That said, just remember, we are not defined by the actions of others. Getting upset over what your stepmother did is your right, in regard to your relationship with your father and her disrespecting him. But, she operates out of ignorance, and was obviously doing it for her own comfort. In the end, it makes no difference., and is not worth allowing it to eat at your peace of mind. I think cutting off contact with her was the best thing you could do. My mother's 2nd husband was a sonofabitch; a self-centered, bigoted asshole. When our mother died, we, my brother, sister, and I had no further contact with the fool. However, neither did we allow his miserable life to encroach on our happiness by holding a grudge against him. He later committed suicide, we were told.