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I recently made a post that referenced a hideous creature called Alzheimer's Disease. It was intended to be humorous but, for understandable reasons, not everyone found it funny. To those that were offended, I do apologize for crossing a line. I failed to see that the line existed.

To those same individuals I offer this as perhaps a bit of solace:

My mother is currently in a state of dementia. So, I hear you and I sympathize with you and those in your family who have suffered through this debilitating and gut-wrenching situation.

I don't make jokes like that to be intentionally insensitive to what you and your loved ones have experienced. I make jokes like that simply because I'd rather find a reason to laugh or actually MAKE a reason to laugh rather than cry.

This wasn't about you. This wasn't about your family or their pain. This wasn't about my own mother's pain or the pain it brings to my family. This was about alleviating my own pain. That's what laughter does. And, if you lose the ability to laugh in the face of chaos and terror then, the disease takes more than just the life of the individual dying from it.

My mother will die not knowing who she is. Not knowing her husband. My mother will die not knowing me. If I sit and dwell on that shit then, part of me dies too.

Fuck that. I'm not going down with anything before it's my time.

I make jokes. Those of you who follow me know that. What most don't realize is that comedy comes from pain. And sometimes the jokes just aren't funny. But, dammit... I try. Because I don't want to cry.

Duke

Duke 8 June 26
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33 comments

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12

My mom passed away seven years ago, the last three she had dementia. I get the need for some humor to alleviate the stress and heartbreak. I'm so sorry you are going through this pain, it's an awful disease. You are not alone. Stay strong.

Betty Level 8 June 27, 2018
11

Alzheimers killed my dad. I thought your joke was really funny. Most everything you post is funny, even when it’s groan funny.

Thank you for that, Kevin.

11

Yes, I know to which people you are refering too. Unlike me you have not yet been reported. stay as sweet as you are, we have your back !

Dang, you got reported? I never saw you post anything that terrible before.

@SpikeTalon

We want to let you know that we have received a number of complaints​ about your posts or comments. As we want to provide a free community where all members feel safe to express their opinions, we would like to remind you of our "Community Guidelines​" (see the "About Us" page). The most common reason why posts get complaints​ is that the tone of post is overtly confrontat​ional or contains personal attacks on indviduals​ or groups (e.g., "All you people are XYZ..." ). If we receive more verified complaints​ about your posts, we will unfortunat​ely be forced to delete your account. Please also consider that this is a free non-profit website without ads and therefore we don't have much time to review member issues.

And there you have it

10

"I think the saddest people always try their hardest to make people happy because they know what it's like to feel absolutely worthless and they don't want anyone else to feel like that" - Robin Williams.

Wow. Great and apt quote, @GoldenDoll.

10

I didn't see it but the climate on this site is such that your exp doesn't surprise me.
I'd have to withhold judgement until seeing it, but yeah.

Whatever the case the fact you're willing to put yourself out here with an apology speaks volumes about the quality of your character (((( hugs ))))

Qualia Level 8 June 27, 2018
10

I work with dementia patients and I thank you for your post. I see the devastation caused by this disease daily and it's just heartbreaking. If you can find a moment of relief from reality through joking, you go for it! Of course there isn't anything funny about the disease but laughter is a coping mechanism for some, and why not? Last time I looked, it was still acceptable to do what you have to do to make it. So just be yourself, and I for one, am looking forward to hearing a funny!

10

I started writing a freaking book about it then another app kicked in and my phone went to the twilight zone. Lost it all...... So screw that and here it is in a nutshell.... No one knows what you're going through. I remember your picture with your Mom. That's all I needed to understand your joke. As far as I am concerned, no apology required. Carry on my friend....you know what they say, you cannot control what people will make out of whatever. (Maybe the othe msg will come back from the twilight zone later on? ..who knows)

Dude... You rock. Thanks for the ego boost.

@Duke hey, even better... No charge !!!! ??

@IamNobody I love freebies. I often eat lunch be at Costco by wandering the store and eating their free samples.

@Duke ha ha ha ... Dude with K !!... You don't need my ego boost. Keep on going with your creative postings. Lot of us appreciate that. Have a crazy day in the best possible way Dude with K ?

10

Oh, man, don't let anyone try to take your humour away. I know that if I don't laugh at my chronic illnesses I'll just end up crying and feeling even worse. I can only imagine how much worse it is for a caregiver.

Besides, I thought the Alzheimer's joke was pretty funny.

@memorylikeasieve Just keep being. Be you. Be someone you wish you were. It doesn't matter. Just keep being. And thank you for doing it. Someone needs to. If you don't, who else will be brave enough?

9

Duke I went through this with my mom and some days I had to make jokes or I would have broken into 1000 pieces. I am sending you love and support for what you are going through. Hang tough!

9

I am very sorry that you and your family are dealing with the nightmare that is Alzheimer's.
I am even more sorry that you felt you had to apologize for making a joke. Humor is sometimes the ONLY thing that gets us through the shit life can throw at us. If some people are so ridiculously sensitive that they felt the need to come at you, FUCK THEM. You can make all the jokes you need to make.
Alzheimer's sucks.

9

well stated. Do your thing Duke. I look forward to the laughs you give us every day. Thanks man.

9

I joke "worse & worse" The closer I get to death...happens every time, to the point that doctors have told me, "you need to take this more seriously" to which I replied, "you are an idiot, i want a new doctor".
..
Imagine how entertaing I was as my mom got eaten by Alzheimer's, my brother in law by AIDS.
Just Fucking HILARIOUS!

Just trying to say i understand.......

I fuckin' love you.

Just trying to say I fuckin' love you.

@Duke back At cha baby!

@AnneWimsey ???

8

I always tell people that my black humor is my way of punching terrifying thoughts in the face.

8

The joke was funny. Sometimes l have to use humor to get through the worst shit.

8

Understand you @Duke, it can creep up on you and bite real hard in the arse. My younger sister drowned in her own spittle induced pneumonia about five years ago. They said she had Alzheimer's because she smoked. Even though we weren't close it still sometimes grabs me.

8

Sorry you had to say this and sorry for what you are going through, been there it sucks. Keep smiling. Xoxo ❀

@SACatWalker I'm so sorry for what you've been through. It's a terrible ordeal. It's a cancer of the mind and it eats away at those who treat it as well as those who possess it.

Thanks @CaroleKay!

7

Some people are just like that. I am one of them.

My brother was murdered with a shotgun yet I have made jokes about blowing my head off.
When I had cancer, I joked about death all the time.

Doesn't mean I do not care about people dealing with similar situations, it just means that I dealt with my pain with humor.

I get you.

7

I did feel the need to apologize. Yes, it was meant to be a joke but, I never like to hurt anyone even if it's unintentional. The joke I posted did hurt some and, for that I am sorry.

Duke Level 8 June 27, 2018

No matter how hard a person tries to be non offensive, they will offend somebody.All you can do is apologize and move on.

6

My jokes are usually so dark that most people just don't get them. Though I felt it wasn't really funny (I suffer from short term memory loss due to a small non-malignant tumor), I felt you weren't being malicious. It's just isn't my type of joke.

Your posts are usually a ray of sunshine to an otherwise dreary day. A stumble every once in a while is normal.

6

We all digest life as best we can. Humor is a coping mechanism for some of us but maybe not for others. I hope they find something that helps them. If one is offended then block, ignore and or move on. Thank you Duke for all the laughter you bring to my life and I look forward to more of the same. πŸ˜€ πŸ‘

6

I found it fucking hillarious it wasnt directed at anyone and those that found it offensive just want attention and will find anything offensive

Simon1 Level 7 June 27, 2018
5

Everybody has baggage. We all carry it differently. The ones that were offended carry theirs maybe more painfully and you, like a backpack, more practically. It is your compassion that made you second guess yourself but it is your wits that makes you move forward.

Lukian Level 8 June 27, 2018

Some have their baggage checked while others prefer carry-on.

@Duke I wonder where you got that idea about baggage... nice twist. Lol

4

Duke, I'm so sorry to hear of your mother's illness. My father died from ALZs eighteen months ago so I have a good idea of what a hell it is to navigate for everyone involved. I also realize that if we couldn't laugh when we could, we'd cut our wrists and call it a day. So please feel free to release some of that tension here any time you feel the urge. πŸ™‚

Just as an aside, everyone progresses differently with ALZ in their own time, so it's possible your mother may know you at the end. A small nugget of hope, I know, but I'm thinking you cling to those right now.

Lauren Level 8 June 27, 2018
4

Sorry you're going through this. My best to you and your mom. I've been there. I like your humor and it feels good to chuckle when this world seems to be spinning out of control everyday. Thanks Duke

4

We all can make jokes but the sufferer of the illness is not going to laugh at your joke because is not funny to them and when I say sufferer may not mean the patient but the relative or love one that has to deal with that reality and with their loss. I understand I even included how I see me in the scenario that I end up with the disease. I joke about anything showing no heart but I recommend you those movies.... "Away from her" and "Still Alice". There are scenes very comical but very dramatic too and were my inspiration to write something from an affected by the illness perspective talking to his loved one. That my mother has it did not affected me, she is over 90 and still remember me and ask me about the kids but she is in advanced state. Wishing you the very best and may you as many others be spared of the illness. Peace.

We are individuals with different upbringings.we make different choices, that is not to say we are wrong, just deal with it in different ways !

@GipsyOfNewSpain I think I read you correctly. If not, please forgive my inability to get your point here. I was apologizing for those I may have hurt with my original joke. If you are among those who felt hurt by it, your comment here does not come across as acceptance of that apology. It comes across as a second condemnation for the original transgression. If you're looking for more apologies and sadness, look elsewhere. I tried to explain where my feeling of need for humor came from based on my own experience. If you choose to ignore that explanation and my apology, and if you choose to continue to be offended, then that's your option. That's on you. It's not in my hands and it's not on my conscience at this point.

Having said that, I will also say this...

This website is shared by many who do not have the same first language. English is my only language and, therefore, it tends to cripple me in communicating with the rest of the world. So...

The bottom line is this:

My mother has this disease. I joke about it to alleviate the pain it brings. If you are offended by my humor and are not willing to accept my apology and move on, look within yourself to slake that thirst. For, I have offered to you the last sip from my only flask. I cannot give you anything more than that. Either drink it and call me friend or, refuse it and blame me for your dehydration.

@Duke Exactly, I was not hurt, so I did not saw the apology directed at me. You made the joke and my first reaction was to follow the joke within the reality to where is not going to go... What makes you think you are going to watch movies or to like movies you like now? If I know what I think I know about the illness... all odds are out, you can't pick and choose your likes or dislikes. I could tell you keep your jokes about the illness to yourself or tell them to your mother. I tell mines to mine and I don't share what she answers back. You did not needed to apologize to me. I did not needed to accept an apology. Every comedian bombs out a joke. No pun intended. I simply questioned the reality you with the illness. You are not going to watch movies, much less like them so... okay, is a joke. joke is funny. You did reminded me in your apology of the comedian that made the joke about "how you fit 15 jewish in a volkswagen? In the ashtray... and tried to validate and justify his joke with the fact that his mother died in a fire.

@GipsyOfNewSpain You are a good "soul",my friend. I'm glad to know you. And you made two valid points from one statement: "how you fit 15 jewish in a volkswagen? In the ashtray."

It's both funny and disgusting at the same time. And it stands as a testament to the extremes to which our minds can travel in one instance.

Comedy knows no boundaries. And it should have none. The very act of being offensive will often break down barriers and heal old wounds just by being a medium to open dialogue.

Thanks for allowing me the freedom to do that with you.

@Duke Not a problem bro... just showing you that it was not that I am a puritan... I wasn't offended at all... We cool!!!

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