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I say I'm open-minded and feel we have a right to believe what we may. So, this online dating thing, I hear from a person, check out their profile, and see a self-description something like, "hard-working, fun-loving, god-fearing ..." At that point, I want to just move on...but I engage anyway, to stick to my decision to respect each other's beliefs and what-not. After some small-talk, I right away mention that I'm not christian or religious, and if that is a problem, I understand. They usually say, "no problem" and some even go so far as to say they promise they will not try to convert me, if I respect their beliefs too. And...yet...so few actually can keep their end of the bargain. I realize though, that the relationship starts out with a clearly defined area of no-talk zone. Is it possible to have a wholly successful relationship that has such a gap, I wonder? I feel like it should be, but logic says the odds are not so great. I mean, I see praying as a method of directing energy, like meditation. I don't get offended when a person prays for me; the intention is as such, a means to direct good energy my way. If they feel a god is involved, it's okay. So I try this deal, try the relationship, try not to feel less-than around the christian family, bite my tongue when I hear about talking to god, god is love, etc. But, needless to say, it doesn't last. Truth is, it still amazes me that despite the blatant political agendas that religions are founded upon - we're talking outright bigotry, greed, and cruelty - so many are willing to wear the religious badge, claim it as their identity, embrace the fraudulent love - and actually celebrate fear! Wars, destruction, torture, slavery, countless evil deeds occur directly and exactly because of religion...none of it matters simply because no one wants to fathom the idea that their existence as they know it might actually have an end?!! Oh, and I have to ask, why the hell would anyone want to chill - forever - with these asshole gods we hear about? They're mean and selfish douche-bags.
So, hey, anyone have access to the dimension that inspired John Lennon's Imagine? I want that dimension, it isn't hard to see, just hard to get to lol.

Sophialyn 5 Jan 1
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15 comments

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0

This sounds a lot like how I feel about everything. My family are all religious church goers. I always felt like a hypocrite growing up. I couldn't wait to turn eighteen, so that I wouldn't be forced to go to church. We need a lot more humanity in the world.

Well...I would argue that religion stems from humanity...or perhaps we need to reconfigure the core of humanity.

@Sophialyn From an Ethics stand-point, I believe that is why religious teachings were created. But I also feel that certain people realized that you could use religion to control the masses. There are a lot of people who consider themselves religious, but do not act in a humanitarian way. We can not use religion as an excuse to behave badly, nor give reason to our inability to stand up for the greater good of humanity.

0

I have found that in general religious people are a lot less honest than rational people. I don't know if it's because they believe that Jesus will forgive them, justify it because they believe that they have your best interests at heart, or they have become so used to deceiving themselves that it's second nature.

JimG Level 8 Feb 9, 2018
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I am recently out of a relationship with a believer. Three years ago I believed that all the good about him and us would make the religion irrelevant. I've finally accepted that it simply doesn't work for ME to have to hide, downplay, ignore my true thoughts about religion, proselytizing, etc. with my partner. I can do it fairly easily with family or friends, but I've decided to choose friends and dates who think similarly as I in that regard.

On another popular site, I don't expect to find too many kindred souls to start, but it irritated me when I saw an e-mail this morning stating "I pray that you are saved and add your name to the book....yadda, yadda b.s." I refrained from telling him to F&^ off and instead told him to mind his own business and then blocked him.

My two cents - it's really HARD being with a believer. But, my dad (an atheist) did it for 40 years before he died. I asked my step-mom how she dealt with it and she said quite simply "I didn't believe him. I think he believed." Ugh....

It is difficult, I agree. And wow, that must've been frustrating to receive that answer from stepmom. Master of denial lol.

1

Now that's a well written rant.

Gary Level 4 Jan 2, 2018

Why thank you - I even managed to throw in a few cuss words...is there a rant-prize for that?

0

Here's a dime; ring me in 50yrs.

haha - must go back 50 years first so I can use a dime to make that call!

2

If a person knows you are an atheist and says they will pray for you, they are demeaning you and your values, it is very condescending. They are ignoring your beliefs and stating they are smarter than you. They are right, you are wrong.

There are self-rituous people who are condescending when they say that. However, I personally don’t believe that is the norm when I’m offered support in the form of prayer. I see it as them speaking their language, offering support the way they know how. I’m okay with it. It really boils down to intention, which is case by case.

2

If talking about relationships I think it's important to ask yourself if you would want to raise kids with a religious person. Look at all the aspects of that before deciding you'd be okay with it. Aside from that, cognitive dissonance is core to religious beliefs in the fundamentalist sense, so it's not surprising that those fundamentalists would demonstrate that behaviour. For me I find it unlikely I could ever have a lasting relationship with someone who doesn't feel close to how I do about religion. Not because I'm closed to the idea but because it's proven to have huge problems during the short time I am involved with that person and I can't imagine having many conversations with that person that don't end with "because god". I like to push the boundaries of moral philosophy and it doesn't go well with a religious mind.

3

I have met many religious folks , Christians and otherwise, who fortunately, did not fit the descriptions you experienced, and were actually very likeable. They are out there. Though I've found that if someone has the need to mention "god" or "god fearing" in their profile - it may be best to seek someone a bit less fanatic, ya know ?

Good luck !

Dont get me wrong, of course I have many Christian friends who respect my beliefs, etc. And you’re certainly right on, with the “frantic” description. I’ve just been disappointed in relationships when I give respect but don’t get it in return...when it comes to these issues.

@Sophialyn I look at that kind of disrespect as a good thing. They're letting you know they are not the best partner for you ! And I applaud you for not putting up with it !

1

Hear, Hear!

5

"They usually say, "no problem" and some even go so far as to say they promise they will not try to convert me, if I respect their beliefs too. And...yet...so few actually can keep their end of the bargain."

I found this very true when I was online 15 years ago looking for the love of my life. I decided quickly that I would not engage a person if there was any hint of Christianity or fundamental Judaism mentioned in the profile.

If I happen to meet someone who started on the religious thing, I would break off the conversation and leave. I have no stomach for those who force their religion on anyone.

The woman I met and now live with is a sweetheart. She is a "recovering Catholic," noting that the Church has nothing for her since her mom died about four years ago.

It takes time and fortitude to stick to your guns and principles.Your love will crop up in the most unusual place.

As far as Lennon is concerned, he lived and wrote what he believed. A little MJ did not hurt the process though.

4

Well, yeah - I think you pretty much answered your own question here: " I feel like it should be, but logic says the odds are not so great." That's exactly right - it's certainly possible, and people have done it (undoubtedly using the "let's never talk about that subject" method), but it's an extreme long shot in my view. Me personally, I just cannot. I cannot be motivated to work hard on the relationship unless it's someone I respect - and I just cannot have any great degree of respect for someone who is past their 30s and still has the weakness of logic to not be able to see through the giant scam that is religion. It (theistic beliefs) is also a rough proxy for belief in other illogical nonsense, and general lack of rational thinking, which I also cannot tolerate in a mate.

6

I don't do the dating apps/sites anymore. Men flood my messenger on there in 4 minutes tops. They're so desperate. I'm happy being single. I'm independent and don't rely on anyone. I have started to call myself beautiful now, instead of ugly. I've been noticing a lot lately, at the gym or out anywhere, men stare at me a lot. I just ignore it and pay no attention. I won't date a religious man/woman either.

2

The Beatles met the Dali Lama with expectations to "turn him on" to acid. He put the tab under his tongue, sat in a full Lotus...and nothing impressed him. What about expectations?

We are inherently short-lived, selfish animals, that learn from pain and suffering. They might be trying to justify this pain that we induce upon others as divinely inspired and necessary.

1

One of the MANY reasons why I'm not on dating sites. It gets really tiring to constantly get cut-and-paste from desperate men claiming that they read my profile, and then state that they are looking for a god-fearing, monogamous Christian woman like me. Oh, and that the love my pics My profiles always say I'm a poly atheist, and I never have pictured on my profiles.

It it's not that (and it usually is), they want naked pics or want a sexual relationship immediately. No thanks.

4

This is a site where you might have a chance of meeting someone with similar views. Fill out your profile. Good luck!

Yeah! For example I am single (A)

Does an open marriage count as single. Perhaps I should alter my profile. I did. Waiting to see an improved %.
@ripcurldane

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