To sleep on Sundays

Because no matter how hard I prayed, I never got that pony. Or any answer as to why pony was not forthcoming.

I already had gym class at school during the week.
Didn't want to do calisthenics on the weekends, too.
Catholic mass required too much exercise.

Because when you become atheist, you get a 50% discount at the nearest mattress store.

My real answer is also kind of funny. Or at least slightly lame. Along the way to abandoning my nonspecific theistic faith, I was watching the Terminator TV series. There was a plot in which a captured terminator was being schooled in morality by a Christian character. At one point the terminator tosses off the line "It's possible Heaven has a hardware problem." I couldn't believe the same after that. I would love to say it was one of the New Atheist philosophers, but it was a throwaway line from broadcast TV.

So god would stop watching me masturbate

Becuase that tiny snack they served during the service was not adequate. Jesus could have used a dab of peanut butter.

If the Catholics couldn't get me, no one would.

I was promised cookies ..still waiting

I was once convinced this tale was convincing, told to me quite convincingly by would-be convincers. Now, I'm unconvinced those convincingers have a convincing tale to tell. Where I once saw a teacher in a preacher, now a creature who doth love to yell.

I live in North Carolina.

Nobody cared enough when I was a kid to pick mefortheirchurch team.

Because I wanted an excuse to opt out of stupid religious conversations

I got straight A's in school, but i'd still go to summer school. (My mom would make pull weeds at home)
Well, in summer school we'd watch some state programs over the local PBS affiliate.
One of the programs was the origin if mankind in world cultures.
On the last week of summer school I slipped on a banana peel walking off the bus, so I fell off the bus and hit my head and became an athiest.

Because I love masturbating and didn't want some sky wizard watching me

(it's a joke people)

Because God told me to. I asked him about the whole Adam and Eve story, and he told me that whole thing was just a big April Fool's Day prank that got out of hand.

"Oh My Me", he said, "you humans take shit way too seriously."

He told me it was all crap and told me that I should become an atheist and I figured it was best to do what God told me to do.

I am not going to be able to spend much time in heaven because I always had teachers who said to question things. So, I am sure it wouldn't be long before I was tossed out.

I gotta new one. Guy Fieri was on Shark Week and did not get eaten. Ergo, God does not exist.

I read the part in the bible that describes how those saved by jesus' blood will surround god's throne in heaven singing his praises.

If there really is a god, when he hears my singing he's going to throw my ass out anyway.

As a young teenager I prayed for a bicycle. It didn't happen. I wanted it sooo bad that I did something very scary--: I tried to bargain with Satan. I "prayed" to him that I would commit certain sins for the entire summer (such as keep my eyes open during prayer, not read the bible, etc.) for a bicycle. But it didn't happen. I nearly came to doubt the whole supernatural world view at that time--but then I "realized" that the devil already had my soul (by my trying to bargain with him) so he had no reason to give me the bicycle too!
Later on I recalled this incident as the untestability of religious claims added to my growing skepticism.

I gathered at an early age that there was no Saint Nick first , then Jesus (god) , miracles, and/or ghosts. It annoyed the crap of those around me. I always said... Show me the evidence.
Faith is overrated.

I didn't want to be an alter boy!

The bible convinced me.

To escape blasphemy