Could your Mother pick her up after Church and spend a few special hours with her?

My father forced my sisters and me to go to Sunday school for years to appease his mother. It was fun sometimes but the older people in the church used to always tell me to bring my parents next week. For years I felt guilty that it was my fault that my parents were going to go to hell.

I think bringing up children is quite tricky, the best you can hope to do is encourage their enthusiasms and skills and hope not to fuck things up too badly. You’re inevitably going to pass on some of your attitudes and hangups but if you do so with enough compassion, kindness and love then it might turn out ok. I think that includes not letting kids go to church until they are old enough to decide for themselves.

Even though I was agnostic at the time I made the mistake of letting my babysitter take my daughter to church. My thinking at the time was if it wasn't helpful it was at least harmless. I was wrong. It's not harmless, like the easter bunny that they outgrow, it fixes a picture of a being who is capable of knowing your every thought. And torturing people who doubt that in a fiery hell for all eternity. That's a lot to put on a small child. Any child for that matter.

You might consider asking your daughter what she'd prefer. That's how I handled my two (now grown atheist) sons. My wife at the time was mildly religious. We taught our kids both views, and let them decide. Somehow, reason prevailed.

I try to remind myself that what my mother is doing she feels like is the best thing she could do for someone. Even if I feel like that thing is wrong my mother's intentions are sincere. But at the same time I feel like her beliefs should not infringe on my family's belief system.

Thankyou all for your feed back. It has been so helpful. I will keep you updated on what i decide to. Do if anything. But for now im gonna hold off on letting her go until i have had a talk with her.

No, you certainly shouldn’t be forced just to make your mother happy. But... What if your daughter shows an interest in religion? Is she old enough to discuss it with her? My mother tells me that when she was young, the kids in her Unitarian church used to learn about all different religions and visit different types of churches... Maybe your mother would compromise? Problem is, they don’t often talk about God at Unitarian churches, lol, so your mom might not be too happy with the services there!

Uh, she's YOUR daughter. Do what you want.

Its a good set of values for a kid and keeps harmony in the home, don't worry kids are well informed these days, she ll grow out of it and make her own mind up later on.

It's your child, she's your responsibility. I understand your mother's views, but she has to respect your views.

Are there any Centers for Spiritual Living near you? They do teach about God in a Unitarian type way, but they encourage self thought and love is the basis for everything. Maybe you can get your mom to take her to different factions? Personally, if my mom were going to take my child to church, I’d probably not let her and would give the reason that I want my child to be old enough to make their own decisions. But, if I couldn’t forbid it, I would probably enforce the issue that all the denominations need to be looked into before allowing my child to settle. Ultimately, it’s your child and you are the one responsible for raising them and teaching them how to think.

My grandparents took me to church with them every Sunday from the time I was a toddler up through about age 12. It was a fundamentalist Christian church, so even pre-school Sunday school was fraught with fire and brimstone. Some of the stories were the stuff of nightmares for my little psyche, such as Lot's wife being turned into a pillar of salt for breaking a rule that wasn't even a wrongdoing. I think the whole experience did a number on my self esteem, even though my agnostic parents periodically reminded me that the stories were just stories and that I could believe or reject them as I wished. I was being told by the powers-that-be in church that even questioning anything I was told was a sin that could send me to hell. Maybe it depends on what flavor of religion your mother is inflicting on your child, but I would never subject my child to what I was put through. I know my indifferent parents had no idea what conflict it was creating inside my little head, and simply thought they were successfully bypassing a confrontation with my mother's parents by allowing them free reign over my theological upbringing. You owe it to your kid to protect her.

I agree with you, it is brainwashing. I just hope it isn't too late to undo any damage to your daughter.

It difficult to comment as I don't know your environment and pressures of religious adherence but...

Sunday school can be fun for kids and it isn't a slippery slope into the religious abyss. I would suspect you'll teach your daughter how to think, rather than what to think, and as such her abilities to think critically will develope and she'll reach her own conclusions, probably similar to your own.

It difficult to comment as I don't know your environment and pressures of religious adherence but...

Sunday school can be fun for kids and it isn't a slippery slope into the religious abyss. I would suspect you'll teach your daughter how to think, rather than what to think, and as such her abilities to think critically will develope and she'll reach her own conclusions, probably similar to your own.

I have had a similar issue with my son. My wife is Christian so wanted to take our son to church. She took him to church and I tought him evolution as a species and the evolution of Christianity. He is now 11 and is now agnostic and leaning towards atheist. I use this tree a lot to show evolution of religion with a point of only one can be correct according to the majority of religions make sure you choose the right one.

Not knowing how old your daughter is and is of an age to make some of her own decisions, you are the parent and it’s your decision not grandparents. I never forbade my daughter from going to religious services with friends. Wanted her to be informed of others beliefs. We then had discussions about what she heard. She has made up her own mind.

As a grandmother, the 1 thing I won't do is undermine the decisions made by my grandkids' parents (unlike my mother did to me). If mom & dad say no sweets, I make sure I understand what falls under the 'sweets' heading as in, "ok, no candy, pastry & such. What about natural sweets like fruit & smoothies"?

I always put the expected event past mom & dad first before I offer it to my grandkid. Its called respecting parental authority.

My atheist mother allowed me to go to church. She wanted me to find my beliefs completely on my own, and supported whatever I came to.

In my opinion you are the parent so it should be up to you. I can offer my experience for what it's worth. I did nothing to stop my son from continuing to go to JW meetings and he hasn't spoken to me in nearly 20 years because of that decision on my part. I remarried with a Catholic lady and agreed to let her send our daughter to CCD but my daughter and I discussed what she was learning. She decided on her own to quit going and because it was her decision we had no problem with my wife. My wife has even become very secular. At the least I would certainly be discussing the things that are being discussed with my daughter and the problems with them. I assume you spend a lot more time with your daughter than you mother does and now is the time to teach your daughter how to think more than what to think. It's still, of course, your decision.

I would not allow a kid to be taken to church until they were 13 and asked to go themselves.

Especially for girls religion is very toxic.

Parenting is by definition nurturing and protecting. Your daughter has already been exposed to religious rituals. You didn't mention her age and the duration of those exposures. If she is past 'age of reason' and you have a close relationship with her, sensible discussions about such things can insulate her from indoctrination. In other words, they have their limited time with her and you have your greater time and closer relationship. Most religious notions and teachings can be neutralized by reasoning at home.

If the girl understands the way you see things and you can discuss it with her in free flowing exchanges of ideas, I can't see any harm in the 'fun' she has with grandma. She'll probably out-grow the church/religious aspect of it. Making it into a taboo if she enjoys it, depending on her age, might make it more attractive even if it is fantasy.

Very sound perspective from many. Definitely don’t allow your daughter to believe that: “if you do this , or don’t do that “ god will punish you, one of the worst things that can be put into anyone’s thoughts. I would probably ween her out of that , but also teach to respect others and their way ,but walk your own path.

Young kids are not equipped to comprehend these big ideas.

My kid would mimic me and say he didn't believe in God. .. I told him that we could talk about belief vs nonbelief but he couldn't claim to not believe until he could tell me why in his own words.

Kept reminding him to focus on being a kid and let the big concepts come in their own time