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My mother wants to take my daughter to church every sunday. It makes her feel good and my daughter has fun in the Sunday School. But I feel like it's brainwashing child abuse. I also feel like if you are going to brainwash somebody that you would do it when they're very young, so am I allowing my daughter to be brainwashed by letting her go? I've stopped letting her go recently and it is upsetting my mother. But should I be forced to allow my daughter to do something just to make my mother feel more comfortable in her beliefs?

Rawreality 4 Aug 4
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3

How old? And yes it is brainwashing. Don't let your parent guilt you into something you don't believe is right.

I remember when I met the Pope, when I was 3. I remember not knowing or hearing anything about god or religion before that. My mom shoved this crucifix with Jesus nailed to it and told me how he died for our sins. Man killed him for my sins. I was three, what sins did I make for someone to be murdered FOR me? I met him, he was very nice. Then I went back to the crucifix my mom showed me and I cried. I cried for something I did not do and my heart broke for some irrational belief.

I was trying to exsplain it to her and she said "i thought you wanted to show her both sides and let her decide". I said i do but.... I don't talk to my 6 year old about there not being a god yet. If she asked a Question i will gladly give her my take on things. But if i let her go to church while she is this age it is not fair. At this stage of learning she is the most susceptible to believe what she is told to. But if i wait till she asks and show her both sides i can let her decide.

@Rawreality I live in a very conservative area, when my oldest started K she heard "Jesus loves you" from a classmate. I found some helpful books.

Older than The Stars [amazon.com]

What Do You Believe? (Big Questions) [amazon.com]

If you can't avoid the subject, it's better to educate ?

2

She is your child. You, not your mother, decides how to raise her. If you don't feel comfortable having your daughter go to church with your mom, then recommend other activities they can do together. When you feel like your daughter is old enough, she can decide if she wants to go to church.

1

The mental health, care, and welfare of your daughter completely eclipses your mother's hurt feelings. And your position as the actual parent should be respected and final. And yes, religion is brainwashing and is exposing your child to the cruelty of learning that her own mind and intellect is not to be trusted and that what is not true, is to be believed as truth. Horrible.

1

You are the father, that means you have the responsibility to take care of her, not your mother. The only thing that matters here if your daughter really wants to go there. Then I would suggest you let her but also talk about what she learns there. Teach her to reflect on the things that are said and teach her to have doubts. You can't keep her from having contact with religion at all.
The age and level of maturity matters, of course. Is she younger than let's say six? Don't let her go, because she might not be able to reflect yet.

Dietl Level 7 Aug 4, 2018
0

I agree that religious indoctrination is brainwashing. I've seen the effect it's had in my nephews, and that sickens me, because they really won't have a fair shake of reasoning their way through it.

This said, I don't think there is anything wrong with letting your daughter go to Sunday school to get that information. While the specific stories and legends told are largely inaccurate, many of the morals she'll hear in Sunday school won't be so bad. Plus, this would give you a great opportunity to have discussions with your daughter and what you think and how you've gotten to those conclusions.

1

I agree with everything here that other people said. I would add that if I were in your shoes, not only would I put my mother on pause, I would come up with fun adventures/outdoor activities to do with my daughter on Sunday so that she would not have the desire to go to church.

1

I'm with you. My mother in law took my children to summer vacation church without my knowledge;reminds me of the scene in All in the Family when Archy Bunker Baptises the baby. My mother in law told my daughter she would go to hell if she didn't believe in god. This at the age of 7. Imagine a 7 yo trying to process all that. Fortunately my daughter is a healthy apparently unscathed adult at 37.

IMO you tell your mother you are in control and her getting upset is on her, not you. Be sane to your daughter.

1

Plenty of other places she can take her soft play areas , the park , swimming pools . It should be about the time spent with her and noy where it is .

0

I’m in a similar situation, except it’s my idiotic ex in-laws that are doing the brain washing and taking my son to church. Thankfully he hates it! ?

I have no control over it as that’s my ex time. But I make sure I discuss the ideas they put in his head and offer him perspective on those lies.

If you can, I’d avoid it. It’s child abuse.

0

I was brainwashed as a child, and it took me decades to grow out of it. Still, I sometimes attend churches for the sake of friends and family. It does me no harm, because I know it is myth. In fact, it gives me something to laugh about when I get home.

If you would please your mother and allow your daughter to attend church, be sure your daughter understands that it's just a game people play. They treat myths as if they were reality, but they are really fictitious. There are some good lessons to be learned from the myths, just as there are good lessons to be learned from Aesop's Fables.

If it were me, I would only pull my daughter out if I see that she is falling for blind faith and discarding reason. As long as she understands the mythical nature of religion, I would allow her to fellowship with her grandmother and others. I would leave the choice up to her whether to continue playing the game or not. It should not be grandma's choice, but the daughter's.

Of course, this is only my opinion. Take it or leave it as you will. 🙂

0

Some people never buy in to superstition, no matter how young they are when the indoctrination efforts begin. You could help insure that your daughter is inoculated against the religion pathogen by countering ever Sunday school lesson with a lesson on science. Take her to the natural history museum and show her the Dinosaur skeletons. Point out the inconsistencies in the religious stories. Teach her that people invent lots of fiction, tell lots of untruths, and participate in mass delusion. It will only make her stronger.

1

Is she your daughter or your mother's daughter?.... That's all I have to say

0
  1. If you feel forced, don't do it. Guilt shouldn't be a reason to take any action.
  2. If you teach your daughter to think critically, things will likely take care of themselves as far as the fear of brainwashing goes... After all .. I think it's nice for kids to believe in santa.. and fairy godmothers... And super heroes... And then they realise as they grow older that these are all just comforting fantasies... Like God. 😉
0

I agree that it's brainwashing and abusive. However, depending on her age, maybe ask your daughter what she thinks, too. Is it about spending time with her grandmother? Has she made friends there? Batting a kid back and forth without their input over ideologies breeds resentment.

0

She is your child. I would in advance book that time with your kid to do something like dance and ice-cream. Tell your mom she is invited. Just block that time so your mum’s choice is consistently the unattractive choice. Church cannot compete with ive-cream in the park with some friends or a water park.
When you spend time with your child, speak to her about what she sees in church and get her thinking. “Do they take money at church?” “Even if people are elderly or poor?” Hmmm. What do you think they do with that money? Ok, next time honey, try to look out for which car belongs to the preacher? What clothes is he wearing? Do you think they are more or less expensive than his congregation? “Do you go to church and look after homeless or sick people? “Why not?” Hmmm.
Open your child’s eyes to the corruption.

Livia Level 6 Aug 4, 2018
1

The churches want to start their attempts to sway a persons beliefs as soon as possible. Kids do not have the ability to distinguish real from not real. In addition are being presented with views from "Authoritarian" figures and are more likely to accept what evere they are told. A lot of times there is some coercian by forcing the children to go to church regardless of their preferences.

The young lady is your child and you have the choice and right to raise her the best you can per your perceptions of what is right.

Kids should bot be forced to any church and should not be introduces to religious teachings untill they are capable of reason and logic. That's my opinion.

0

Nope. Your daughter. Your wishes not your mothers. Gave my daughter her Hebrew name in their temple to make them happy. My daughter was 2.5 lbs at birth and was in hospital for over 3 months. It stopped there. No Sunday School.

1

No, no one should be able to "force" you to teach your child one thing or another.

However!! Like most things in life, she will be exposed to it at one time or another. Wouldn't it be better to be able to talk with her about it and offer useful ways to think about these and other things rather than trying to keep her in a plastic bubble and avoid exposure to them??

1

I took my son to church when he was about four years old for about six months to appease my Mom. She had a deep, fulfilling relationship with her small Presbyterian church, and for a while, Max was happy. But once the church members realized that (a) I was single and liked it, 🍺 I wouldn't tolerate the child abuser who stood at the sanctuary entrance every Sunday and felt up all the women as a "greeter," ☕ Max was mixed race and not "adopted" - then he was slowly ostracized and shamed for being who he was, and for who I am. Fit in or shut up - and that is a powerful brainwashing technique for a child. All of the lessons, the social pressures and habits force conformity. It's so antithetical to what the historic Jesus was all about - a homeless brown Jewish man who wandered the Palestinian countryside with a bunch of other guys and a single woman.

Anyhow, my son still remembers the ostracism and hypocrisy, and that was the legacy of taking him to church. You've made a good choice. Your Mom, like mine, will come to understand. Or she won't. But don't let that stop you. You are right.

3

As her father, she will come to you with questions. Give her honest answers. The church won’t. Experience tells me she will come to trust you even more, and others less..

Varn Level 8 Aug 4, 2018
5

I agree with what most folks have said in this thread. You have implied your daughter is very young and her age would be a factor in that decision for me. My daughter is now 16. She was raised in an Atheist household, but I have always told her that she needs to do her own research on this and decide for herself what she believes. I want her to think critically. Sunday school-aged children are most definitely being brainwashed. I don't care about the moral lessons being taught. They come in the context of "God says you have to do this to be a good person so you'd better do it." And it is being presented by adults as fact. In this situation, children do not have the option to question or challenge. I hope this is helpful.

2

No it is your responsibility to see that your daughter be taught to make her own decisions.

3

Young kids are not equipped to comprehend these big ideas.

My kid would mimic me and say he didn't believe in God. .. I told him that we could talk about belief vs nonbelief but he couldn't claim to not believe until he could tell me why in his own words.

Kept reminding him to focus on being a kid and let the big concepts come in their own time

Teter Level 4 Aug 4, 2018
2

Very sound perspective from many. Definitely don’t allow your daughter to believe that: “if you do this , or don’t do that “ god will punish you, one of the worst things that can be put into anyone’s thoughts. I would probably ween her out of that , but also teach to respect others and their way ,but walk your own path.

2

Parenting is by definition nurturing and protecting. Your daughter has already been exposed to religious rituals. You didn't mention her age and the duration of those exposures. If she is past 'age of reason' and you have a close relationship with her, sensible discussions about such things can insulate her from indoctrination. In other words, they have their limited time with her and you have your greater time and closer relationship. Most religious notions and teachings can be neutralized by reasoning at home.

If the girl understands the way you see things and you can discuss it with her in free flowing exchanges of ideas, I can't see any harm in the 'fun' she has with grandma. She'll probably out-grow the church/religious aspect of it. Making it into a taboo if she enjoys it, depending on her age, might make it more attractive even if it is fantasy.

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