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I would like some feedback. I am thinking about why I have not been dating. Serious thinking, not just passing thoughts. So I am wondering if any of you have been introspective about why you are not dating, in a relationship, whether casual or serious. And maybe what are deal breakers or must haves for you? I realize I know what my deal breakers are but not my must haves. So that is one problem. The other is - and I realize this is not all men as I know you are not all the same - I am a smart woman and I am well educated. Those two are not the same as you can see by the last election! I have two masters degree and I would like to start on my doctorate next year. Some men find that unattractive. I work hard, and enjoy my work. I am not sure why some one would find that unattractive. I am not a needy person, in terms of needing someone to take care of me thought it would be lovely to have that in a general sense. So, ladies and gentelmen - thoughts, experiences?

GreatNani 8 Aug 21
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So a couple of dates seemed to go poorly because you outwitted your opponent? You're the winner so no point in playing any more?

Or, as is so often the case, you've come up with this story to excuse lapsing into asexuality. That's a frequent choice for older women overwhelmed by social congestion. (The problem is men don't get that option except by default.)

Go ahead and study away. Just try to leave behind something that's actually useful to Humanity.

I work with disabled children so I am doing something useful for society and for the future. I am not worried about that. My doctorate would be in Urban Education for educational leaders dealing with adverse childhood experiences. So I am good! And, I am 100% sure I am not asexual. Why do you think most older women are?

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Someone maybe on here told me I'm too much for some people. Smart and educated is very attractive to me. I came on here with high hopes. There are some good candidates, but we live very far apart, at least that is the excuse I was given, and I thought my impossible good looks would cancel any barrier. 🙂🙂

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Like you, I suspect I’m too much for some people. Too outspoken, to educated, too quick to call people out for misogyny, racism, shaming and for jokes about LGBT folx and non-consensual sexual behavior. And maybe too old and too short-haired and too platinum blond. And that’s ok. I refuse to play dumb and cheerful to attract anyone. I’ve had lovely relationships with people who get me, and I hold out hope that I’ll do so again.

UUNJ Level 8 Aug 21, 2018

Hah! The edit function’s not letting me change “to educated” to “too educated.” #isntitironic

Yes, I also am quick to call people out as well. Pretty much all you just said but the platinum short hair!

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Intelligence is number two on my list when dating. Number One being a nice drama free character. Of course this is leaving out the obvious need for there to be an attraction.

Makes sense! I have had enough drama, enough for 10 people! I don't need more.

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Intelligence is attractive and nessassary for me. An intelligent woman makes a much better partner. More than once a smart partner has stopped me from making a bad decision.

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I sympathize. People who never went to college get defensive when I say I want a man with a least a bachelor degree.

To me, well educated men are more interesting and better conversationalists. They have broader interests: literature, art, sculpture, different cultures and the world.

"You need to dumb down your conversation," a man told me within 10 minutes of meeting. "Men are intimidated by your intelligence and class." I was appalled.

"Speak for yourself," I replied crisply. "Obviously, YOU are intimidated by my intelligence. I refuse to act stupid to mollify the insecure ego of a sexist man."

Friends tell me to lower my standards. Two years ago, I met three local men with only a high school diploma. I realize it's a small survey group. But all three were poor conversationalists.

Two of the men were silent and withdrawn. Getting a word out of them was like pulling teeth. The third man was an obsessive fisherman/hunter who droned on-and-on in excruciating detail about fishing trips:

"He didn't pay his share... so I said... and he said... "then I said..."

When I tried to say something, he talked right over me. I barely got to the door with the glaze over my eyes.

Sorry about that, some of us guys are jerks. My education is nowhere near yours but I've been here a while and your education would not stress me. I can and do hang out with more educated people and do quite well because of my varied interests and the ability to listen and ask questions. Good luck and have fun "shopping"

I like smart, I don't necessarily care what level of formal education a person has. And one of the best relationships of my life was with a construction worker who had no formal education but was interested in everything and read all the time. On the other hand I totally get what you are saying. Such a dilemma!

We keep running into each other. I like to think you've possibly met your match with me, but for you distance is a deal breaker. BTW, my daughter is taking me out of the country for 10 days to go hiking. Will let you know after the fact.

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There will be men who are intimidated by your intellect but you deserve better than that so thank goodness those men aren't willing to waste your time!

I haven't dated in a while because I got tired of it (the women I kept meeting didn't want a committed relationship). I decided to get away from it before trying again.

That's a good point. I won't have to waste time with them!

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I would say don't get hung up on that alone.
Do things that you enjoy , work related or not.
Things will take a natural path.

That is the direction I am taking now. Doing what I like and going from there.

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