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Do people take "Here for community" seriously? Do people even look in profiles to see what the person is looking for or not looking for?

I get the impression that a lot of members think this is exclusively a dating site and everyone is looking for someone. The "here for community" folks seem to be in the minority. I'm here for friends, fun chats, and flirts only, but I've gotten messages for men looking for a long term monogamous relationship. They chat me up for awhile then get very angry when I say I'm not interested in that kind of relationship, like I wasted their time. Last night and this morning I got messages from someone telling me I'm a beautiful angel and exactly what he prayed to God for!!!!! Yikes!!!

Is it too much to ask for to be allowed to be here just to make friends, enjoy fun play, read and comment on posts, participate in polls, share experiences with like-minded people, may be debate issues, etc.? Don't get me wrong. I do love chatting publicly and privately with many of you about all kinds of subjects. And thank you for understanding and respecting my preferences.

Pardon me for the rant. May be it's just because I had to block another person today and I really prefer not to block people.

graceylou 8 Aug 28
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58 comments

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1

This kind of behaviour is baffling to me, it smacks of duplicity. I don't understand it, literally. Sorry you are experiencing that.

0

This is a confusing app. I am more interested in sharing beliefs (nonbeliefs rather) and talking openly with people about living a non beleiving life. Most of the people i experience in life are religiously centered and it makes it difficult to feel comfortable. Having said that, men on the internet will use any medium they can to try and get an edge in with a woman. That's just a sad fact.

TimD Level 3 Sep 4, 2018
1

I'm open to meeting men but I get private msgs from all types of people, some from those "here for community ". I don't think men are as intelligent as women in this regard. What can you do?

Not much I guess. If they are nice I will talk to them. If not, I will just block. I don't particularly want to deal with believers and don't know why they are here.

1

I joined out of curosity, sure it seemed like a dating site at first. Then you start reading some of the posts, I was truly amazed. I've been looking for a place that I fit in. It really is an awesome site. I've never felt more at home with people I've never met. It's really nice to find open minded people. Who Knew ?

1

One learns something every day. I didn't realise that there is a 'Here for Community' button. This site is laid out as a dating site and often it is hard to answer the questions outside of that context.

It’s a discussion site with a dating option added because people wanted that. Many of us are interested in the discussion and community only. Or at least not interested in dating.

1

Men are horny assholes

I don't mind horny men at all. It's the ones wanting a long term monogamous relationship with me that are the problem. LOL.

@graceylou -which is odd for guys-i figured more would like he idea of a non-monogamous relationship

@CalvinJoe I think some people are genuinely looking for a life partner. I am not it!!!

2

The sad thing is, almost anywhere you go online, there are people who won't leave female-identified people alone. They think we're all essentially commodified objects, around for their entertainment, and will welcome their advances because we're supposed to feel "flattered" by their attention. This group is no different from any other and there are plenty of people here (mostly male-identified people) who behave that way.

1

If you are not here for dating kindly and politeness i Deliverance of rejection is the only compassionate response. Also early delivery to avoid attachment syndrome.

I’m kind and polite but when they get aggressive I don’t stay nice too long. And if they are a believer they get what they deserve.

1

I think it is how this site is advertised. It said that it was a "dating" site, and when I got here it seemed that is a bit inaccurate. 🙂 This looks more like a forum, which is fine, and if forum members start dating, that's bonus, right.

It’s advertised for dating and for community. People are free not to participate in the dating component. Anyone can easily see if someone is here for community by hovering or visiting their profile.

@graceylou Yes. I saw that. It totally makes sense. I am happy to have found an internet community of rational (relatively I suppose) thinking people.

1

What do you expect when posting on a dating site? People here are interested in finding a real person. To act so haughty is simply bullying men.

It’s a community site that added a dating component at some point. This isn’t a dating site exclusively. A lot of us are here for other purposes.

@graceylou agreed- I am here to chit-chat with non-religious people. We talk politics, art, philosophy. I don’t view it as Match.com.

1

What ... stop say what. He prayed for you? Well thats a funny turn.

Maybe not for me specifically.

@graceylou he prayed for a woman like you . On agnostic.com

@Bigwavedave he did yes. And he said he believes in God. I asked what he was doing here.

@graceylou weirdo

0

although I put down here for Community only,if I should so happen to meet someone that would be fine. I am single. I just don't put myself too far out there. To be honest, I've given up on any and all dating sites.

1

I my self am here for both community and the possibility of meeting a like minded, non-delusional individual. Sorry that you have to suffer with individuals who are to lazy to take the time to read your profile. The first thing I do when I see someone I am possibly interested in is read their profile.....duh!!!!!

And you can get a quick summary right at the top of the profile right? Are they interested in dating, dating whom? Are they here just for community? It’s right at the top with the picture. You don’t even have to read the whole biography.

2

I laughed when I read this. I just visited a page where a woman said she was only here for community then said she liked to be spanked and has always wanted to have sex in a beetle. Some pretty mixed signals. I think your dilemma is not unique to this site. As a man it is always a little confusing to approach a woman or not and what is a brush off/how to read body language. A never ending battle/game for sure.

My issue is not that I have a problem with being hit on. I don’t have a problem with people who want to chat, flirt, play (I will leave that undefined), whatever. It’s the guys who out of nowhere get serious and desperate, and aggressive when I explain that I’m not here for dating and I’m not looking. I’m pretty easy going and I’m not easily offended by men sending me messages that are a bit risqué or even pics. I get that a lot of people here feel lonely and are really looking for a life companion but getting angry and aggressive at someone who tells them she’s not likely to be what they’re looking for is not acceptable.

@graceylou I hear you. I have never understood that either. Guys who chase a woman and beg for attention has always been a mystery to me. Getting angry with a woman who does not want attention is also a mystery. When I was 18 and working in the Wyoming oil fields three women asked to sit with my friend and I, so we obliged and bought some beer. The husband showed up with a rifle punched me in the chest with the barrel and told me "buddy you are going to die". I made it out but took years to feel comfortable in talking to women in public again.

@Aquaeyes Wow that is crazy. I talk to everyone here, except the believers. I presume people know to check my profile and look at what I'm here for. Most are very courteous and would ask me first if I would be interested in chatting about certain more "involved" topics. And usually I have no problem, and it's a lot of fun. I do appreciate the majority of the members here.

4

If I see someone has indicated that they're here for community, I take it to mean exactly that. I'm certainly not going to second guess them nor disrespect their reasons for socializing as they wish. I have vacillated a wee bit between "looking" and "community," myself, as I adjust to being single after the traumatic break up of a 17 year marriage. The last thing I want to do is bring old baggage on a new journey.

Deb57 Level 8 Aug 29, 2018
1

Post a pretty thumbnail & that will happen.

That would be like saying if I wear a short skirt I want to be hit on. It’s a picture of me. I can’t be anyone else. I don’t have another face.

1

I think its simply - they just don't read the profile, don't understand it, don't think you are serious, or want to try anyway. No big mystery here.

2

If you want guys to stop hitting on you, change your profile pic to something hideous - like Church Lady. I'm surprised anyone is talking to me at this point.

Yeah. I’m not going to make changes for or because of other people.

2

It's interesting. I am looking for all of the above. I am on dating sites too, which can be a hot mess. So finding this site can be encouraging to people who are looking to date people with deeper like-minded connections, as opposed to just shallow photo swiping. That said, I think it can be an interesting little hybrid opportunity between online and traditional ways of meeting people. If you just look for friends who share similar thinking and ideologies, it could create more relationships and groups in the real world and then if any romantic relationships get found out of that, it could be nice, a little more like the old school real world of dating.

2

Playing hard to get eh?
Just kidding, that must cheapen an otherwise great site

Yeah, I'm really really into believers and I'm just here to get my rocks off with folks from the dark side.

0

You are right to be disturbed. Still, there are a lot of people who are on this site for sharing thoughts , intellectual stimulation, and interesting conversation. When I look at a person's profile, I am looking for more information as to whether or not this is a person I would be interested in conserving with over time.

1

Ha. I guess I obviously can't speak for everyone but yes.
Of course I actually don't really view this as a dating site either.

Sorry about your unfortunate need to block people but do what you must to make it enjoyable for you. That should be all that counts

Most people are nice enough to back off the dating interests when I explain to them why I'm here. It's just the few who get angry and aggressive that I have a real issue with. And the believers. Why are they even here?

@graceylou Maybe some quota of conversions they need to fill or hopefully to learn that we aren't all lawless immoral unethical assholes...er, not that they recognize them anyway because they go listen to them every week and give them money.
No need for angry aggressive people at all. Wonder if the mods/admins can see how many people block certain users...might be worth their time to check and make the place a bit safer for all

@maxhyde If they are aggressive enough we can always flag or report them. I reported a post last night that suggested violence.

@graceylou I was more curious about globally blocking people because they may be repeating a pattern with more than one woman on here...in fact it is likely.
Nobody wants or needs that kind of hassle

1

There are people who don’t understand what this site is for.... just block or ignore. I have found a lot of people who just want community... keep looking. I am open to both so, it is a bit different for me.

2

My status has always been "Here For Community".
I have only been approached with overt solicitations, for anything other than friendship, twice.
Most of the long-time members here are extremely respectful of the status of others. The two times I was "hit-up", were both by members who were brand new.

One person was polite and backed off immediately when I explained that I was not here for dating, and I was flattered, but uninterested, in his intentions.
The other, not so much, and had to be blocked.

I don't know if it's because I don't have an actual picture of myself posted, or if it's because I'm older, or because my status actually registers, or they've read some of posts and decided "fuck no!", it doesn't matter. The fact remains that I'm only here for community, and if someone chooses to ignore that, they get what they get. I don't have to be nice. Neither do you.
Some folks don't handle rejection well. Too bad, they should have respected that you aren't interested.

2

I immediately block people who message me and have on their profile that they are "believers".
It weeds out the scammers who are just looking for vulnerable people to exploit.
If they can't get the believer/non-believer part right in their profile on an Agnostic website, they aren't worth my time.

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