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Do people take "Here for community" seriously? Do people even look in profiles to see what the person is looking for or not looking for?

I get the impression that a lot of members think this is exclusively a dating site and everyone is looking for someone. The "here for community" folks seem to be in the minority. I'm here for friends, fun chats, and flirts only, but I've gotten messages for men looking for a long term monogamous relationship. They chat me up for awhile then get very angry when I say I'm not interested in that kind of relationship, like I wasted their time. Last night and this morning I got messages from someone telling me I'm a beautiful angel and exactly what he prayed to God for!!!!! Yikes!!!

Is it too much to ask for to be allowed to be here just to make friends, enjoy fun play, read and comment on posts, participate in polls, share experiences with like-minded people, may be debate issues, etc.? Don't get me wrong. I do love chatting publicly and privately with many of you about all kinds of subjects. And thank you for understanding and respecting my preferences.

Pardon me for the rant. May be it's just because I had to block another person today and I really prefer not to block people.

graceylou 8 Aug 28
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58 comments (26 - 50)

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2

I immediately block people who message me and have on their profile that they are "believers".
It weeds out the scammers who are just looking for vulnerable people to exploit.
If they can't get the believer/non-believer part right in their profile on an Agnostic website, they aren't worth my time.

2

Yeah, that's annoying I'm sure. It's a complex problem, too. Guys are supposed to be the ones to put their necks out there when meeting. Because of that, we are supposed to be brave and handle the constant rejection inherent in that kind of set up. Some people build odd algorithms to deal with the problem - just carpet bomb the profiles and see who responds, find attractive people and try to say something that fits the texture of romance seen in pop culture, go online and vent hopping someone is feeling maternal... most of the approaches are inefficient and hint at social maladjustment. I'm sure it's no party for women either.

As long as we default to these cultural norms, this is the result. I could think of some better ways for us to do this stuff, but few want to change. So, here we are stuck on the proverbial hamster wheel.

Maybe tell people in your profile to connect with you in posts prior to hitting on you. You can then shut them down in posts. If they don't connect with you there first, then they didn't read your profile and just delete straight away. That could minimize you having to review the contacts and keep things social. It wouldn't fix anything, but it might help.

Best of luck to you!

2

Most cis, hetero men just go for the profile photo of the cutest, youngest female they can find, and often begin trying to seduce them asap by any means possible.

If they do read a profile..wait. I've never encountered a male who ever read mine first before messaging me.

2

You make some really great points. Food for thought. I think it’s important to make friends and then build relationships.

2

Matter of perspective.

As a guy living in the middle of nowhere, this website is primarily a tool to enjoy the input from rational (not theists) people and troll the occasional theist that leaves his slime trail on these pages.

2

Sounds to me like you have a good attitude about everything. Keep it up!

2

What about one night stands or flings? Lol

I don’t think so.

2

Sometimes we forget how hard it can be when one is attractive when there are so few of you remaining. That is a problem that I would like to experience. I hope your post gives you some relief. Peace.

2

I assume most people take them seriously... Or I hope they do at least... One bad apple and all that... And ironically. The original phrase was that one bad apple DOES spoil the bunch, despite what the popular song may claim. Lol

2

I dunno. Some dudes like to cast a wide net. If he can't take no for an answer, that's on him.

2

really he prayed to god thats hilarious he thought someone who identifies as atheist would find that an ok statement fuck me some people are beyond stupid

Right? I asked him if he believes in god why is he here. Sheesh. If I were looking I wouldn’t go for a believer infiltrating an agnostic/atheist site. And if he prayed to god and god sent him me, that should be enough for him to ditch religion. LOL.

2

I'm here for fun, for friend and all other kinky stuff ??

Me too!!!

2

Your expectations are reasonable. They even ask if you are lookin for dating or not. I am married and like you just looking for meaningful dialog with people of the same beliefs.

I was a little apprehensive joining this site because I wasn’t sure if it’s primarily a dating site but reading the info it seems it was just a community site with dating added because members wanted it. I joined because of the option to say no to dating.

1

This kind of behaviour is baffling to me, it smacks of duplicity. I don't understand it, literally. Sorry you are experiencing that.

1

I'm open to meeting men but I get private msgs from all types of people, some from those "here for community ". I don't think men are as intelligent as women in this regard. What can you do?

Not much I guess. If they are nice I will talk to them. If not, I will just block. I don't particularly want to deal with believers and don't know why they are here.

1

I joined out of curosity, sure it seemed like a dating site at first. Then you start reading some of the posts, I was truly amazed. I've been looking for a place that I fit in. It really is an awesome site. I've never felt more at home with people I've never met. It's really nice to find open minded people. Who Knew ?

1

One learns something every day. I didn't realise that there is a 'Here for Community' button. This site is laid out as a dating site and often it is hard to answer the questions outside of that context.

It’s a discussion site with a dating option added because people wanted that. Many of us are interested in the discussion and community only. Or at least not interested in dating.

1

I think it is how this site is advertised. It said that it was a "dating" site, and when I got here it seemed that is a bit inaccurate. 🙂 This looks more like a forum, which is fine, and if forum members start dating, that's bonus, right.

It’s advertised for dating and for community. People are free not to participate in the dating component. Anyone can easily see if someone is here for community by hovering or visiting their profile.

@graceylou Yes. I saw that. It totally makes sense. I am happy to have found an internet community of rational (relatively I suppose) thinking people.

1

What do you expect when posting on a dating site? People here are interested in finding a real person. To act so haughty is simply bullying men.

It’s a community site that added a dating component at some point. This isn’t a dating site exclusively. A lot of us are here for other purposes.

@graceylou agreed- I am here to chit-chat with non-religious people. We talk politics, art, philosophy. I don’t view it as Match.com.

1

What ... stop say what. He prayed for you? Well thats a funny turn.

Maybe not for me specifically.

@graceylou he prayed for a woman like you . On agnostic.com

@Bigwavedave he did yes. And he said he believes in God. I asked what he was doing here.

@graceylou weirdo

1

although I put down here for Community only,if I should so happen to meet someone that would be fine. I am single. I just don't put myself too far out there. To be honest, I've given up on any and all dating sites.

1

I my self am here for both community and the possibility of meeting a like minded, non-delusional individual. Sorry that you have to suffer with individuals who are to lazy to take the time to read your profile. The first thing I do when I see someone I am possibly interested in is read their profile.....duh!!!!!

And you can get a quick summary right at the top of the profile right? Are they interested in dating, dating whom? Are they here just for community? It’s right at the top with the picture. You don’t even have to read the whole biography.

1

Post a pretty thumbnail & that will happen.

That would be like saying if I wear a short skirt I want to be hit on. It’s a picture of me. I can’t be anyone else. I don’t have another face.

1

I think its simply - they just don't read the profile, don't understand it, don't think you are serious, or want to try anyway. No big mystery here.

1

Ha. I guess I obviously can't speak for everyone but yes.
Of course I actually don't really view this as a dating site either.

Sorry about your unfortunate need to block people but do what you must to make it enjoyable for you. That should be all that counts

Most people are nice enough to back off the dating interests when I explain to them why I'm here. It's just the few who get angry and aggressive that I have a real issue with. And the believers. Why are they even here?

@graceylou Maybe some quota of conversions they need to fill or hopefully to learn that we aren't all lawless immoral unethical assholes...er, not that they recognize them anyway because they go listen to them every week and give them money.
No need for angry aggressive people at all. Wonder if the mods/admins can see how many people block certain users...might be worth their time to check and make the place a bit safer for all

@maxhyde If they are aggressive enough we can always flag or report them. I reported a post last night that suggested violence.

@graceylou I was more curious about globally blocking people because they may be repeating a pattern with more than one woman on here...in fact it is likely.
Nobody wants or needs that kind of hassle

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