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Arthur Brooks - Replace Contempt with Kindness

There is much truth to this. I've noticed that regardless of which side people are on, we treat the other side with contempt, dehuminizing them: libtard, snowflake, nazi, facist.

What's worse is when we justify your contempt... they deserve it, the allegations prove it, it's common sense... or when we let our emotions control our contempt... damn him, screw that, fuck you.

I've always thought that the gretests show of strength is to be kind when faced with unkindness, to be forgiving when shown unforgiveness, to be cool when things get hot

Do you think we can do this, each of us, or are we too addicted to that little thrill of righteousness that contempt gives us to follow through?

TheMiddleWay 8 Jan 28
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7 comments

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I can't agree with this. Generally speaking, how I treat people is a reaction to how they treat me or how they are in general. If they're kind, I treat them likewise. If they're contemptible, I treat them as such (which doesn't necessarily mean I hurl insults at them). Essentially, I go by the Golden Rule. Treating all with kindness no matter what is akin to looking at the world through rose-colored glasses.

This is such an interesting discussion thread. Thanks for all the contributions.

I have just started experiencing the true freedom that comes from replacing contempt with kindness. In my experience, giving kindness is less about it being because the other person deserves it, and more about not allowing anything external to prompt the poison of anger or unkindness.

I found the path through secular buddhist teachers like Jack Kornfield. I could ramble forever but it might not fit an agnostic message board. I don't find buddhism religious - just a philosophy for living. But others might.

@Lydiaeli Anything external? So you consider the other person to be external as to whether or not you give kindness to that person?

@TheMiddleWay Let me be clear in that I use it as a guiding principle, not an absolutism. You seem to be hung up on insults being the only way to show contempt or disrespect.

@bingst Yes - that is what I am saying. I live in Charlottesville, Virginia and the nazi who chatted me up at the park on August 12th -- I told him to have a beautiful day. Nothing I say will change him, except maybe love. For two reasons: One, honestly: He wanted hate from me. Not giving him the satisfactions. Two: Contempt only poisons me. No other benefit.

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The Christian 'turn the other cheek' is an invitation to get a broken jaw in some situations. My philosophy, previously stated here, is simple and is derived from The Art of Warfare by Sun Tzu. Always do more of the same unto others as they have done unto you. If we all behaved that way we would do nothing but nice things for one another, right?

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Um, but what if they really are fascists and/or Nazis? Those are not just subjective insults. They have objective meanings that tell you about that person's values and what they would do with political power. Some of those people even admit to being Nazis. This is a real danger to both democracy and to personal safety.

@TheInterloper that didnt stop them from killing someone,and they have their preferred candidate in the White House, they have been successful in recruiting more people, and murders by these groups spiked in 2017. The Germans thought it couldn't happen to them either, although there were a few who tried to warn other Germans of what was coming. They learned too late.

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I don't attack people unless they attack me, and even on the rare occasions that I do so I try to be tactful about it and attack a flaw in their argument. Although there are rare occasions when I have told someone to straight up go fuck themselves. I reserve that for obvious trolls or people who can't show any respect at all.

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I wish more people believed as such. Although I'm may seem snarky on occasion, I'm mostly just being a smart ass and honestly mean no harm. I am sarcastic, but would never wish to cause anyone pain and I do live by that rule, personally. I never seek vengeance and always forgive to the point that my loved ones ridicule me, claiming I am walked in the and/or taken advantage of but I do not see it as such. I would rather be kind and not receive it in return. Forgive and have no thought of whether I shall receive the same treatment. What my loved ones do not understand is that it isn't about fairness or mistreatment, for me. For me, it's about myself... Me being the person I am most proud to be, to let go of Anger or bitterness through forgiveness so that it may serve to free me from the bondages of a person or a situation.

I would like to believe I am not so damaged, so bitter, so stoic and removed from logic that I could no longer be above contempt.

Sadoi Level 7 Jan 28, 2018
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One thing I have noticed is our government demonstrates first-strike and might is right, while society tries to teach its citizens to use constructive conflict and emotional maturity when dealing with problems. This paradox feeds the difference between left and right. We can do as Arthur Brooks and others have tried, to appeal to the masses, but as long as our government refuses to acknowledge the legitimacy of such humaneness, fairness, and maturity as American beliefs, I fear the confusion will continue to separate the two. How can we reconcile these differences?

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If only more Xians were like him.

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