Have you ever been in LOVE before, tell me how did you feel ?
Being in "love" is different every time. It has changed for me as I have aged. This might be a mechanism from within so we can separate one love form another but I have firmly come to the idea that "love" is a decision. Butterflies do not last. Love is a decision that we make.
I think being "in love" is little more than our biology drugging us for the sake of perpetuating the species, and it doesn't care what's in the individual's best interest or what will make the individual truly happy. For the most part, being in love is really just being in lust. That's not to say that I'm so cynical that I think love doesn't exist at all, but only that it's a separate thing and not necessarily tied to the insanity of infatuation.
Being in love is like this: You can't stop smiling so that you face hurts. You forget to eat, staring into the eyes of your loved one. When apart you can't stop thinking of your loved one. You can't believe how lucky you are to have met this person. You see everything in a positive light. I hope to feel it again some day.
i am in love now, and it doesn't stop me from being way annoyed with the object of my love. love isn't thinking the other person is perfect. love is wanting the best for the person, trusting the person and wanting to be with the person anyway. it's more than that too. i'm talking about in-love love, not parent love or whatever (i love lox but i am not in love with lox. well, maybe....)
I’m in love right now. Tomorrow I’ll jump in my car and drive three hours to be with him and I’ll be grinning the entire drive…well, except when some stupid SOB cuts me off in traffic. And sometime in the middle of the night I’ll wake up to the sound of him snoring like a frigging freight train and think about how wonderful that sounds. Nothing I’ve ever experienced in my life comes even close to being in love.
Yes it was the best feeling ever. Completely happy, semi-obsessed with him, he was always on my mind, in a good way. Worst feeling ever when it ended and I barely made it out the other side. Haven’t even been on a date since and it ended 7 years ago. I am not sure I ever will take a chance on feeling that way again.
I ask that question every time I read about another abused partner. In my world you do not beat someone you profess to love.
I think love encompasses many things besides your heart and libido.
Compromise and genuine understanding of, and for, your partners needs. That has to be a two way street of course. As does absolute equality. If you don't see your loved one as an equal you are dead in the water. Besides, that isn't love. It's ownership.
Communication. That is the one that seems to let relationships down. Humans are odd. We will put up with almost anything IF we understand the reasoning behind it. We may still not agree but at least we know where the person was coming from and the reason they did whatever they did. With communication comes trust.
Morality - Being on the same page can save a lot of hard work. It is very rare you will change someone when it comes to a matter of principals. make sure you know what theirs are.
Adaptability -Things change. A lot and often. Be sure you think alike regarding children and parenting. This could run into a long list of (things) so I will assume you understand what I mean.
Trust is a big one for me. If I can't trust what a loved one is telling me things between us will never be the same again. If I CAN trust what they are telling me I would happily fight to the death for them. The value of trust can never be under valued.
Patience - required to do all of the above. Admit when you are wrong. If you can't control your emotions, walk away. Cool off. We make bad choices when we lose emotional control. Save all that up for someone you don't love
Generally we don't think of these things when we think of the word "Love" but I would argue without at least some of the above attributes True love will struggle to survive the lifetime it is traditionally meant to be. It's a long time.
Truly loving someone, especially a partner, is probably one of the hardest things we will ever commit to. When it is working nothing beats the feeling of reciprocal true love. IMHO of course
"Falling in love" and "loving" someone are two different things. Research has shown that falling in love is actually a chemical and hormonal reaction that goes on in side you. Large amounts of norepinephrine and dopamine, which are in us naturally, but are produced in larger amounts and course through us during the falling in love stage. It produces a legitimate high and is often equated with the endorphine high runners experience when they are exercising. It makes you feel lighter than air, giddy, it can be sexually stimulating, it can produce impulsive behavior, and just an all around great feeling. The time it lasts can differ, but researchers estimate somewhere between 2-9 months after meeting someone.
This does not last. Our bodies cannot sustain this high forever without negative consequences. So when two people fall in love and this phase subsides, it can be a crashing blow to the relationship. If they have formed a friendship, or affection toward each other, often the relationship survives because at this point they choose to love each other. I heard this once before and believe it, "For a relationship to survive, you need to like the person, because love fades." It refers to the chemical high wearing off with time.
The amount of chemicals and subsequently the high produced when falling in love is very individual. We all differ in our own chemical makeup, which is why some people fall hard and others barely seem to feel much. It also depends on the person we are attracted to. I've experienced falling in love 3 times in my life. If I had to rate the "high" on a scale of 1-10, the first time was a 3. In fact, I remember asking myself "is this love?" The second time was by far the strongest high and definitely my only 10 in my life. I remember feeling like I was walking in the clouds. literally feeling like I was lighter than air. It was great! The third time was a 5. Still a great feeling, lots of laughter, plenty of energy, but I still had some common sense.
I think the hardest thing to experience is when your falling in love, but the person your with is not or vice versa. I was in a relationship where the guy fell hard for me, but I didn't fall in love. I kept seeing him for a couple of months thinking I would begin to have feelings, and it was hard not to be drawn to someone showing me such love and affection. But after a couple of months I had to break it off, and he was heart broken. That was tough.
She brought out the very best of me....accepted, but did not condone my flaws....let me know that no matter what, she had my back.....allowed me the credit for my success's, and to learn from my mistakes without criticizing. In short, my loves have been my Mother, and then the woman that has been my Lover and friend.....my two true loves. My feelings, peace, contentment, freedom, happiness.
You know that feel that you have the first 0.5 second from the top of the crest to the start of the drop when you are just at the first drop on a rollercoaster? And you're headed down but haven't picked up the kind of speed to be full throated screaming, just getting wound up and ready to scream because it's so exciting and thrilling and scary but nothing terrible has happened yet? That feeling.