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On a first date:

Should you be honest on a first date or pretend you are what you think the other person may be wanting so you can have a relationship?

Should you ask questions you want answered or play the game until you get what you came for?

Should you ask questions whose answers are important to you about money sex religion politics?

Anonbene 8 Jan 31
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49 comments (26 - 49)

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2

Honesty is necessary for it all to come together correctly! I think if your not honestly answering questions you are hiding what and who you are, maybe afraid, maybe ashamed! But it is what it is no matter what- it is called TRUTH! I hate liars for good reason! And yes you should ask whatever you need to to be comfortable and happy!

2

Always be honest. Otherwise you are just wasting time, yours included.

d_day Level 7 Jan 31, 2018
2

Honest. Be your true self. I don't have time or energy or patience for anything less

Sacha Level 7 Jan 31, 2018

Sacha, may I see your credit history? Would you tell me your sexual history? Would you mind washing your makeup off so I can see the real you?

@evestrat You also get to make out with me... but shhhhhhhh secret 😉 You look hot with that note pad! 😀

2

Be yourself!
"Play the game until you get what you came for?" .... what did you come for?? No games!
Yes, ask questions that are deal breakers. Depending on the situation, I probably would have already asked those questions, even before meeting.

I like to see that stuff in conversation off the top of their dome.

You can talk to people for hours on the net and not learn a gddamn thing.

I put that in for women to reflect on.
Did you come here for a baby, child support, financial security, and are you simply omitting that from this conversation until you get what you want. It's not lying but it's not being honest is it? Would you like to tell those of us gathered here some women don't do that?

@anonbene, both men & women can and do "play games, but not all. In answer to your original question, there should be no games.

2

play the game until you got what you came for? ? a date for me would be getting to know someone. I would never try to act like something I thought they wanted. How would I even know what that was?

You know the difference between being on your best behavior vs. drinking with your buddies don't you?

2

Be honest. Look for common ground whatever it may be, and save the heavy stuff (MSRP) for 3rd or 4th. If you want to treat a date like a job interview, you should ask for a dating resume in advance to save yourself time.

I prefer asking those exact questions to find common ground.

1

There is a difference between being honest and revealing to much information, especially on the first date. If asked a direct question don't lie, but don't be rude either. The idea is to spark interest not ignite a fire ball. Unless you don't want a second date.

1

To be honest I think pretending to be something you are not just to be in a relationship is a HUGE mistake. Better to be alone than with the wrong one and if you can't be who you are then that is not the person for you. Everyone has a match out there somewhere.

1

Im a very honest and upfront person, so I personally am who I am, especially on the first date. I deserve to be who I am and they deserve the respect to see the real me as I would accept nothing less myself. I am pretty much an open book as long as the approach is respectful. 🙂 Questions about sex are within reason. I won't get intimate with someone before the third date and it is made clear if it is brought up. lol. So, with questions... ask away. 🙂

1

Never pretend...if you can pretend on one thing, what else will you end up pretending about! Don"t we get better with practice? Pretty soon you could be nearly perfect at pretending! Then, you would not be living your authentic life, but one you pretended into existence? I wonder how that works out over time?

1

Be honest is the only way...

1

I am flat honest. I don't clean my house, sometimes I don't even shower. If you start a relationship on false pretenses you're bound to fail.

I ask about what I'm looking for in subtle ways - what kind of beer are they drinking? What's their limit on language(use this word), what offends them (say this) how much make-up, perfume, cash or card, signature, what are they reading, do they bus their own glasses, tip?

Absolutely ask about sex religion history etc.

1

Great questions. I think one of the key elements is it's a first date. I wouldn't want to be dishonest but I certainly wouldn't bring up things that are related to baggage ,past mistakes, unless the conversation goes there because the other person is bringing up some really personal stuff. I have found people to be very open when I'm very open. That said just don't bring up that you shot grandma or that used to turn tricks for money.

0

Must be honest sooner or later the truth comes out

0

On a first date I would keep the conversation light and have fun! Be honest and be yourself. I don't think it would be appropriate to talk about money or sex. If you met someone on a dating site, you should know their political and religious veiws from their profile. If you want to find out if you mesh, try some of these questions... What is your decorating style, favorite relative, best childhood memory, favorite subect in school, music, movies, favorite things to do for fun, etc. If you like the person and you feel there is a connection wait until the second date to go a little deeper. Remember there is only one first date to make a lasting impression!

ebdb Level 7 Apr 9, 2018
0

Complete honesty no need to waste your time.

0

A lie has to last forever and trust is a must for me and respect.

0

I'm fresh out of a relationship, with a recovering addict theist. We met on a dating site for country people a couple of years. His main reason for the breakup is because I don't share his beliefs.

I was clear that I don't have the capacity to hold any beliefs, and for my first 48 years I'd never held a single one, so I was confident I'd never hold any. I was clear about this before the first date. I was also clear that I have HSV2, but am not at all interested in any other STIs.

Fast forward to living together for 2 years, I think he started sleeping with his new girlfriend before he had the decency to break up with me, and I'm concerned he contracted HPV from her and passed it to me.

So YES, when I'm ready to consider dating again, I'm going to be open and up front about anything that could be an issue later. But then, I don't think I'll be comfortable dating until I've spent some time corresponding online. Of course, it is still new and raw, I may mellow out over time.

0

It depends on how close we are to a romantic holiday ...lol.

0

im honest.... probably why im single though

Kodi Level 4 Feb 1, 2018
0

Ok, most of you got this one very wrong. I am surprised by a lot of your answers.

I didn't ask you what you think I should do. I asked what you would do. Just like a christian does you projected your holier than thou morals on to me as if I were the person in need of your red line drawn in the sand of right and wrong with almost no thought to the very gray area of nuanced communication between two complicated people that may have ulterior motives to keep some aspects of their lives confidential for a reason that isn't an outright lie but is still dishonest by omission.
He may have restricted drivers license due to heavy drinking or a restraining order out against him and she may have a kid she's not sure you would be willing to take the responsibility for.

Being judgemental seems to be a trait most of you have in common with people you claim to dislike for their judgementalism.

You, sir, are a hypocrite. You judged most of the people who responded to your post.
Most of the responses encouraged honesty. There's nothing wrong with that.

@KKGator of course I judged you based on your answers. Isn't that the point of asking questions and getting answers?
Which is very different from judging me based on the question.

0

Frankly... if all you want is to get laid, wait to drop the faithless information, but if you want a relationship with someone who is okay with your lack of faith, let them know, and let the chips fall where they fall.

0

I wouldn’t recommend being dishonest, but it might not be good to go all TMI on a first date either.

skado Level 9 Jan 31, 2018
0

This is it. Same as it always been.

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