Yeah...

Sometimes I feel unlovable. My parents don't talk to me anymore and I think they're the root cause. My grandpa passed away a few years ago. He and my grandma were more like parents to me than my legit parents. Since he's gone, I feel alone a lot of the time.

To Be lovable , you might have to make the first move .?

Fairly convinced I am. It is what it is I guess.

That being said, I don't think people are "better off" without me... I like to think my kids are better with me around.

I struggle with Depression and self hate sometimes too..

I used to get like that much more before I made intense physical activity a priority.

First off, you are cared for and about. So, put that to rest.

The disconnect is between how people feel and what you feel. The cause could be one or a combination of many things. This can be very complex.

Maybe the way you could recognize it comfortably isn't how people express it. Maybe your immediate local community sucks. Maybe you have depression due to biological issues and need to address that (my reasons mostly). Maybe you have unrealistic needs for others in expressing that. It's a long list of possibilities.

A good place to start could be to write up what it is you want. The trick is to do this without a filter or without attenuating what you write - be completely honest unapologetically. Fold it up and leave it for a day or so. Come back, read it, and ask yourself if that is reasonable. If it is, then start telling people around you what you want. If not, then you know you have either unrealistic needs or mood swings caused by biological issues. From there, you'll know what to do.

Again, we all care about you. This is a disconnect between your wants and needs and our expression. Don't do anything rash.