Agnostic.com

14 7

So...I had a blind date at the mall yesterday to go see Santa with my 20 month old baby. I figured if a guy could handle a couple hundred screaming...wild...cranky...confused & LOUD children on the first date...he might actually have enough stones to be considered dateable.

We didn't have a conversation. It was immediately apparent that I needed my stroller. Which was inconveniently left at home by the door. Yay me....great planning right! Oh it gets better...
The line was what seemed a mile long. I instantly said nope because my beautiful plump and squirming baby decided everything was so pretty and Loud that he needed to scream in an ear peircingly ( is that a word? It is now) louder pitch to get everyones attention and show them his excitement. Which was met with laughs and smiles...except by the date. Who at this point was sweating and looked slightly panicked. In my head I'm laughing hysterically at his determination.
So we walk...alot. My date is shorter than expected and I was happy I didn't wear heels... Or a jacket, it was like 1000° in there. Roaming ...roaming aimlessly. Waiting for a stroller rental...that never came. Finally my date took charge and went into Jcpennys to snag a cart...I showed my gratitude by embracing his arm gently to encourage more spontaneous good vibes & ingenuity.
He took that as his opportunity to squeeze my boob. I'm still breastfeeding...so my boobs are sacred to only those I deem worthy to touch them...that being my baby at this point. I pulled away and gave him a look like....duuuuuuude. No! Wtf are you doing?
He half snarled. Like....I owed him a groping??
At this point I thought...OK ass! You just earned a trip through the gauntlet! Ohhhh yes. On to the play area! I took the lead. I said lets go sit and talk! He perked right up, clearly assuming this was his opportunity to shmooz me enough with his words that i would forget being groped. Onward to the play area....?
I quickly walked toward a single bench. No one was using....just as he went to plant himself there I half sat...making him think this was where I was headed. Sike...I rose again, turned and said hold my bag, and half ran to the open gate of the crowded cesspool of tiny screaming humans. As I looked back I could see the delight on his face???.
So off our shoes came...and onward through the maze of bobbing heads and flailing little arms and legs...to the hippo slide and the airplane and stationary truck and back to the slide....you get the point. Around and around we went. Dozens of multicolored festively clad tiny monsters clamoring for a spot...all the while my date looking at his phone and pretend watch to show his impatience. That was not lost on me. Lol
I took video...held my babys hands to steady him while climbing...thinking...just another day...this is my normal life. If this guy is serious about dating me, he needs to wait his turn. That's the reality I'm facing....so then he must face that too.
After 20 gruelling minutes of mind numbing, deafening child's play, I gave in to my dates dead eyed stare across the mall. He looked bereft of hope and for the first time all evening, I realized he was unshaven and had a combover tucked un-neatly under his black ball cap that was frayed and old. This is still a date. He put zero effort into this. This was a planned event and I'm starting to feel that he assumed I was desperate or pathetic enough to just take what I could get.
I work alot! 50- 70 hrs a week. Plus chase a baby...clean a house...keep up on life...and I do it well...at age 46!
Then I thought I was being too judgemental and wasn't giving him a fair shake. So I grabbed my little one, left the area and proceeded to the bench where i sat and asked him if he wanted to talk. He was shy and didn't look me in the face much. He was kind but had nothing to talk about. At that point I realized he was looking at me in a way that made me feel he needed to be understood but was not going to tell me what he wanted me to know. It was awkward. So I asked if he ate. He said he was hungry. At this point I went to caregiver mode. ....so off we went to find food. The food court was teaming with families & fast food & alot of garbage. Lol we sat as he ate. I had stopped at Bob Evan's on the way and had dinner with the baby beforehand. I did buy a strawberry shake and shared it with the baby for hydration...cooling off and the milk protein I'm always worried my baby should have.
My date ate. He talked a little about his various tattoos. I have none to share. He seems like a nice guy. Just lonely and in need of ...something Im sure at this point I can't provide without giving him all of my time and maybe money...idk. I'm a struggling single parent. I am not looking for a guy that needs so much.....what I don't have. There was no laughter. He didn't get my jokes. He liked the baby. He liked my butt and boobs. He liked my earrings. He liked my eyes...once he looked into them. But I got the distinct feeling he is going through a thing that I cannot fix. I don't want to be a solution to a problem.
We didn't click. Which made me sad. I'm lonely too. I'm looking for a walking talking giggling fool who can have fun beyond life bs. Someone who has given in to the unfair, unhappiness of life and decided to live anyways...and live well. Laughter. Smiling. Playfulness. Joy. A love for being goofy. An ironic humor that just sort of covers up life's rough edges.
I didn't stop smiling or laughing at the baby. Baby's are hilarious. So is alot of stuff.
I think there will be no second date. He texted later to tell me he wanted to hold and kiss me. I....do not feel that. We didn't click. There was no spark.
Soooo....I got an amazing picture of my toddler with a very pleasant and convincing Santa. I got my first taste of dating in a goooooood long while. My baby was unaffected as thus it should be. My child is a hugger. He hugged my date like they were old pals several times. I did not feel this was harmful as my child hugs the guy at the counter in the drugstore too.
I don't know how to date well. I currently do not have a sitter for any date nights. I'm thinking I should. But at least I got my feet wet. I was reminded of what I do and don't want. ...and I realized I cannot give more than I'm willing to. I want to be a girlfriend...not a caregiver.
So ...that was my Sunday. Our Sunday rather. Oh btw he was all about faith in God. I did not tell him my beliefs as it was too far into the date to relate my beliefs. I knew at that point it wasn't happening. Nothing would come of that. It was pointless. So...finding a guy with like minded beliefs is important. Very important.

Holycowballs 3 Dec 24
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

14 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

1

Sounds like the Date from Hell. There is absolutely no way that I would go on a date with a guy if he had a kid in tow. Sorry, but no dice.

0

Good for you for not trying to force something that isn't there.

0

Reminds me of a date where the lady bought her dog. We were going on a winter hike at a state park and we started out with fido on a leash. Partway on the 3 mile hike she told me to carry her 10 lb. dog because little fluffy was getting its feet wet in the snow. I tried to beg off as little fluffy seemed just fine but was told fluffy might catch a cold so trying to impress I picked up the squirming dog who wanted to frantically jump out of my arms every time it saw a dog. First and last date. We are friends on facebook and she is still single and posts pictures of fluffy constantly. By the way, I asked fluffy as I was carrying him and he admitted that he is unsure of a supreme dog.

0

Who takes kids on a date?
Ew.
If I were him, I would have turned and run.

0

My sympathy,far too man Men expect to quickly bed their dates,anticipating being lonely will trigger a response in her. Do not give in to the first,second, or third man that catches your eyes,hold out for the rare,and hard to find "Good Guy",as he, and others like him are out "there". Some are licking their wounds from a nasty divorce,others are Widowers,still mourning a lost spouse,and ever more rare,are the never married Men,who due to very poor income,rarely date at all......

4

So I read part of that....and what I got was you put this guy through a "shit test", and didn't even have the courtesy to give him 20 min over coffee of your undivided attention for an initial meetup. Not disregarding you're impression of him, and I will give you the benefit of the doubt that everything you said is 100% accurate and not influenced by your perception....but from what you shared, doesn't sound like YOU are in a place to do any dating. Single mom of an infant (and at 46), work a LOT of hours, and think that a trip to the mall during the busiest time of the year, to do everything that focuses around your kid is a reasonable expectation for a guy to accomodate YOUR life, with no regard to trying to have a quiet interaction and give him some attention, and see if he recprocates. I understand you have kids that are a big part of your life, so did I as a single dad with two daughters. That's why I didn't expect women to pass the "good mommy" test until I felt she was a "good person" a "good match" and would be a "good girlfriend". Perhaps you should be a little more sensitive to the needs and expectations of others, instead of feeling it all has to focus on you and your life, at least till you get past the FIRST date, and maybe even after the first 4-5 dates. Just a perspective from a single guy and single dad...

2

I am empathetic to your needs to find someone who gets the challenges of being a single mother as I am myself. I don’t think it’s a great idea to cast a date into all that chaos.
There’s no possible way in a mall that you could have any kind of conversation. While you want to stay in a public place. It should be a quiet one, without your beautiful child.
I’ve been divorced for a few years now and have yet to introduce anyone to my sons. I will not do so until I believe it’s something special.

@maturin1919 unfortunately I had to watch this go on with one of my sisters. It was a revolving door of men and her children paid the price. I adore my children and respect myself too much for that stuff. I’m sorry you find yourself in that situation.

0

Nicely written account. Made me smile. But I'm with the others, a toddler-fest isn't sporting for a first date. You need to demonstrate that you're able to compartmentalize and foster an actual relationship with another adult. This sort of first date sends the message that your man will be third fiddle to a coven of infants whenever possible. It's a little heavy handed. Sure, after 3 or 4 dates, test how he deals with your reality of being mother to a toddler. But don't lead with it.

As for the boob thing, I get the impression some guys have just had good results from that or otherwise just have absolutely nothing else in their repertoire. It still amazes me that anyone would think that's appropriate behavior with a woman you've just met. I call it the "wanna fuck?" introduction. It's pathetic no matter the details of the circumstances, except maybe if the woman actually clearly telegraphs that desire (in some way other than happening to have boobs).

He likely would have copped a feel on ANY sort of first date and you'd have gotten the same disqualifying information from it.

Oh well ... better luck next time!

0

I believe, if it were me instead of him, you'd be wanting to cuddle. I saw so many moments in your story where different choices I would have made would have made that date full of fun. Where kids are around, I will play! Duh.

0

okay, i am not trying to be judgmental but first of all you do not bring a child along on a first date, and yes i know the nature of the date was to bring the child, but you just don't make that your first date, and that goes quadruple for a blind date. how did you know he wasn't a pedophile and/or kidnapper? in a crowd of screaming kids, he could've grabbed your baby and run.

and second of all, once he grabbed your boob that was a pretty good indication that the date should've ended. maybe he thought you were that desperate? if you stayed after that grope, maybe he was right about that!

whoever set you up owes you an apology, but you owe yourself one too.

g

0

Interesting and good read, thanks for sharing.

0

Just wow, ....he went and got you a cart, and you would'nt even give up a little public boob, probably went home blue-balled, thinking to himself that women were un-appreciative teasing bitches.....what surprises me is that you didn't physically or verbally deck him

@Holycowballs somehow have a feeling your verbal talents would, could be devastating. A mind is a terrible thing to waste.

1

Better luck next time . You will figure how to filter them out. You don't have time to waste . He needed a mom.

@Holycowballs right? Or no...

0

"He took that as his opportunity to squeeze my boob."
WTF? Wow that's creepy.

"There was no laughter. He didn't get my jokes. He liked the baby. He liked my butt and boobs. He liked my earrings. He liked my eyes...once he looked into them."
Seems like he was just into your looks and not you as an individual.

Congratulations on breastfeeding; 20 months and still going; that's great! 🙂

"My child is a hugger. He hugged my date like they were old pals several times. I did not feel this was harmful as my child hugs the guy at the counter in the drugstore too."
You're baby sounds adorable.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:250970
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.