What are your thoughts on a situation where you are in a relationship and your significant other is a theist. She like to attend church and you go with her to be "supportive" but in no way believe the dogma. You are also totally honest with your position and she is ok with it.
1
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6 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Apparently it works for some. This happened to a friend at Christmas:
Dad is religious, Mom is agnostic. Mom agreed to go to church with Dad, as a Christmas gift. Condition was that Dad not tell the kids Mom went to church because they would mock her. Of course, Dad blabbed and Mom was FURIOUS. Awkward times were had by all ?
A2Jennifer
Level 8
Jan 8, 2019
1
You are Never joined at the hip with anyone! Find a hobby or something instead of being dragged to things you don't care about!
AnneWimsey
Level 9
Jan 7, 2019
0
That sounds fine if you're describing it accurately and she is giving you the same respect and support and understanding (or at least not being an asshat).
There's no atheist holy book that commands you to cast a believing wife out until she comes to her senses. There's not even any rational basis to be authoritarian or controlling around her beliefs. I was married for years to an evangelical woman after my deconversion and it went just fine. I have zero complaints. The challenges in our relationship were minor and unrelated to differing beliefs. But both of us were willing to give each other the space we needed to think our own thoughts.
mordant
Level 8
Jan 7, 2019
0
I am assuming that you are an A-theist. Why would you "be supportive" in her nonsensical belief system?
jlynn37
Level 8
Jan 7, 2019
0
He didn't say he was supportive of her delusions, but there are a lot of reasons to go to church besides delusional beliefs. Churches can be an excellent source of community and belonging, particularly the less dogmatic / more liberal ones. My wife occasionally makes noises about wanting to go to a local UU congregation for just those reasons, and I would to at least a limited extent "support" that by not making fun of her, and attending the occasional church function and supporting her friendships she might form there. Until now she hasn't really followed through on her talk and I'm not encouraging OR discouraging it.
My preference would be for us to individually and as a couple meet our social needs in other ways, but there's no artificial red line there either. If I'm to take any significant part in it, it'd have to be the UUs or a humanist society or one of the very liberal denominations, where people don't confuse their beliefs with their very identity, and they basically have a live and let live approach to matters of faith and an open, humble, inclusive stance toward the community at large, as opposed to an adversarial, evangelical, judgmental stance.
Clear communication about expectations is the key, and you seem to have that covered. If she is a theist you'd need to know if she intends to try to convert you over time. You'd need to be clear as to whether or not that's something you'd accept. You'd also need to know that she is willing to accept you as you are.
Finally, you need to be sure that you can deal with church attendance even though what is taught is very likely antithetical to your own values and beliefs.
I wish you well.
Doubting
Level 6
Jan 7, 2019
2
Enjoy being online again!
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