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How do you respond to messages from those you have no interest in? Often my "No thanks" gets hostile replies.

MizJ 8 Jan 7
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24 comments

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12

Sometimes I don't at all, no one is ever owed an answer.

7

Add "have a good day" and your good ?

7

That’s exactly why I don’t reply, so many men get pissy or demand to know why

7

Hostility if you reply snarky, hostility if you reply politely. And some wonder why many women do not reply at all... ?

Zster Level 8 Jan 7, 2019
6

I just block people I don’t want to talk to. The world has enough negativity without adding to it.

5

Thank you for your compliment. We live too far apart to develop a relationship. Good luck with your search.

To a 21 year-old guy yesterday:

I want a man near my age because of shared experiences that made us who we are. The Vietnam War, assassinations of President John F. Kennedy, Bobby Kennedy, Malcolm X, and Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., fighting for the establishment of the Environmental Protection​ Agency, Title 9, women's rights, civil rights, gay rights... sex, drugs and rock and roll, and more. This gives us endless conversational topics. I have zero interest in a boy in his 20s. You have a lot of maturing to do, marriage, kids, and much more. The fact that you contacted me indicates you want a "cougar" for a sexual fling. Forget it.

@Humanistheathen

I don't want casual sex. Nor do I want to teach an juvenile how to have sex.

I want an experienced, kind, respectful, passionate and sensual lover.

@Humanistheathen

Thanks.

4

I always appreciate a response, even if it's "not interested". Fortunately I've never gotten a snarky response, but I try to be very cordial if I reach out. I don't get offended at all if I get no response - I figure they didn't like my profile or otherwise just weren't interested, our they've had a bad experience with the vocal minority of assholes out there, and are gunshy to respond to a "cold call".

Luckily I have had some positive responses lately, and I'm really enjoying getting to know each other better. ?

Oh, and I promise that if you reply no thanks or not interested in me, I won't get snarky. ?

4

How would I respond to messages from those I have no interest in - I wouldn't - it's not more complicated than that.

3

Ignore and block

3

I usually don't respond unless I'm in a mood. Then I respond just so I can be snarky back.

2

From the other side of this, since there's been so many replies, here's a different perspective:

I haven't messaged anyone seeking anything approaching romance in months. When I did, it wasn't always strictly for romance, because you have to be friends first in my head, so I was looking for friends the vast majority of the time.

I got some nice responses, some people I still communicate with even if I've never expressed romantic interest (and if you're reading this, you are safe, I don't plan to, lol) -- but the majority of the uninterested responses weren't responses at all. It was silence.

Hey look, that's your choice. I understand. You don't have to talk to me. Even were it in my power, I would never dream of making you. I get that there are absolute dumbshits who send you all mean messages no matter how polite you are, but I hope you won't let them ruin it for the rest of us.

When you don't respond, all I feel is shitty and embarrassed. A polite I'm not interested or something similar would be fucking a-mah-zing. Acknowledgement means a lot.

Cheers!

2

Maybe we need a "possible douchebag " group like the spammer/scammer group?

@Charity "However, I doubt it'd be allowed"..
Im racking my brain right now trying to figure out a way it can be done, but fairly and safely.. lol

2

Difficult question. I finally just removed the "open to dating" feature to alleviate the problem. Now, the nice folks who message me are interested in me, nothing more than that, and I can take that as a compliment, with no expectations.

When I had the "open to dating" feature turned on, I'd get messages from men with whom I had nothing in common, and it became a chore turning them down.

Glad I'm not desperate to date - I really am fine on my own - but if the right fella happened to be conveniently close to me geographically, well that's a different scenario. Most folks are thousands of miles away from me, so not a lot of chance of ever meeting.

1

Thanks to all for your replies.

MizJ Level 8 Jan 8, 2019
1

Since most of them don't read my profile before contacting me I just tell them I don't believe in god and rarely hear back. Some will respond with something about not caring about it but it goes no further.

I think I have had a couple get nasty

1

It bothers me to be rejected,but I have learned it is better to let it go,even if there seems to be no apparent reason for it.

1

I realize you SHOULDN'T have to do this..
But maybe just make up an excuse that they can't really get mad at , yet completely shuts them down..
"Thanks, but i just realized im only interested in guys that ride mopeds"
"Sorry, due to the last guy i talked to i decided i only want to date guys from detroit"
"Sorry, i forgot to change my status to community only, i just met someone and i only serial date"..
Etc etc..

1

Nothing much you can do to control the feelings of others, besides if they fly handle you can do better.

0

90-95% of the first messages I send to women on Match get no response, so I am grateful to someone who takes the time to respond even with a no thanks reply. I never give a hostile reply, I thank them. You look like an attractive woman, so I assume you get tons of messages from men. I'm amazed you have the time to message that many of the men you aren't interested in. Most women in your looks class are not that way, at least in my experience.

Are you talking about this site or a paid site like Match? I'm not trying to be a pain, but one of my pet peeves is OPs on this site that do not specify if they are referring to online dating experiences on this site or on a paid site, because there seems to be so much difference in how things work and how people behave on one vs. the other type.

0

My oldest daughter had the best retort I've ever heard. She simply says "You couldn't handle me if I came with instructions" I've seen it work wonders.

0

Block them and move on. Why are you wasting any energy on this?

0

i don't get those, partly (i assume) my profile clearly says i am here for the community and partly (i still suppose) because my baby picture isn't sexy. i did have one hit, and it was so obviously a scam it was pathetic. i responded with direct statements about already having a guy, and not being in the market, and those were ignored. when i threatened reporting and blocking, the irritation stopped. if someone approached me with an immediate come-on i would be even more direct, and "no thanks" might be one of the things i said. a hostile reply would earn a block, and even a report if it were really rude or persistent. end of problem.

g

0

I always shoot for being polite, even if i am not interested. I'm here to make friends as much as for any other reason, and I have met men - and also women - I like, even if it doesn't turn romantic, or if distance is an issue. (Something about those California boys, and they're all so damn far away...)

Deb57 Level 8 Jan 8, 2019
0

On this site?

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