Out here in the Aussie Outback we have ones like,
a) "Who stepped on the Vicar?" -meaning that someone has trod in some kind of excrement,
b) "Drier than a dead Nun's teat," - meaning, "I'm bloody thirsty" or "it hasn't rained around here for years,"
c) " Flat out like a lizard drinking," - working very very hard,
d) " He's just a wombat," - i.e. he just eats shoots and leaves,
e) "thick as 2 short Tasmanians," - dumb and stupid,
f) " he/she just had a brain-fart," - expressed a really stupid idea or thought,
g) " spat up against a fence and hatched by the sun," - couldn't have been conceived naturally, etc,
and heaps more as well.

That's swifty!

I also use old terms even my grandma wouldn't use. Like hey that's nifty, woot, and (gasp)

I address everyone with, Sir and Miss.
Doesn't matter if they are older than me. Everyone's Sir or Miss... and if they are younger I like add "little" as a prefix.

Sorry, little miss no I don't want buy $5.00 box of cookies...

Mom always said when we sat on the coffee table..........tables are for glasses not for asses

I can't brain today. I have the dumb.

Because you enjoy being misunderstood and/or explaining yourself ( thus derailing any interesting conversation back to "you", or being annoying? WTH?

I don't understand the difference between amazing and awesome; they seem to be used interchangeably. So I've invented a new word, awesomazing. It covers the bases nicely and is more efficient.

Isn't this post awesomazing? ?

I like "Actually" to start a sentence. It gets a lot of attention. Actulally...i would like an English muffin and over easy egg..but actually that is not happening.

Word

My favourite, self expanitory

Ya Can’t Make Honey,
out of Dog Shit.

I have had a like of when the word "malarkey" is used sarcastically.

"Sucking hind teat" - means you're the runt and getting crowded out from the more fulsome front teats. We all have occasions in life when we find ourselves sucking hind teat. C'est la vie, c'est la guerre, c'est les pommes du terre!

“Wonderful”. Used sarcastically. I may have picked it up from a local radio host. This is my go to for the last five years at least.

I like to replace the word shit with shinola. This reminds my fellow old-timers of the ancient saying, "He don't know shit from shinola."

"Let's not pick fly shit out of pepper." (Pay too much attention to unimportant details)

I use solid to describe a good situation, or something good. I also use "fuck me jesus" a lot.

There's a variety that I use but they all seem normal to me. Regular words are: Fuck, bollocks, wanker, arse-wipe, shite, arse......twat......knob-end....I suppose I'm fairly abusive really?

'Fuck-a-doodle-do' comes out a lot in exasperation and 'huge melons' I use as a phrase of surprise,

I have started using "fucking Jesus" often after leaving religion

Helpy - A person that is trying to help but only gets in the way or makes things worse is being helpy.

One of my favs is to tell to someone who just scewed up in some way, "You know, that's why people don't like you".

I'm a regular user of the Jeff Foxworthy phrase "yont to?" It's a southern expression meaning "do you want to?" spoken quickly, that sounds like "yont to?" The "o" in "yont" is long. He has several expressions like that, but that one has stuck with me.

I used to work with a guy from Cincinnati. He had several words that I thought he mispronounced. Like "egg". With him, it sounded like "agg". Used in a sentence; "What's the matter with you, you got an agg up your ass?" Pretty much any "e" sound sounded, inappropriately, like an "a" sound. "Peg-leg" sounded like "pag-lag" when he was referring to the guy who walked with a limp. His girlfriend "Penny" was "Panny". When he described his trip to the doctor for a colonoscopy he said, "it felt like they put a chair lag up my ass." Find myself using those words and laughing to myself. Haven't worked with him in over 20 years.

I heard a lady poet use the word "bunt" in regards to female anatomy. (A bunt is a fish trap). So now I can say "There goes a bint with a bunt" ( "bint" is an often contemptuous word of Indian origin for a woman or girl. Part of scouse slang)

I use "human" as a verb. I use lots of nouns as verbs... I say "true story" or "facts don't lie" when I agree with something. Instead of "is that ok?" or something similar I like to say "how's that tickle your pickle?" Movie quotes are a solid 1/4 of the words that come out of my face. Like when I arrive at a destination that took way too long of a journey I'll say "dry land does exist!" or if one of my kids is getting excessive with the cursing I might say "why did you say those things? Poop mouth. You got poop in your mouth." Whenever I feel like I'm blabbering on and whoever is supposed to be listening to me isn't I'll launch into "what is a horseshoe? What does a horseshoe do? Are there any horse socks?" I say face in place of mouth "I wanna kiss your face" "watch your face, friend" "what just came out of your face." I call everyone friend or sir. Writing this, I'm realizing my speech is super quirky.

Fuck....fuck is my favorite word. And what the fuck is my favorite phrase! Truly. I use these words a million times a day for many reasons....good and bad. They seem to fit every situation.

I like Hobson's choice, mainly because I like the origin:

According to Merriam-Webster's Word of the day:
"In the late 16th and early 17th centuries, Thomas Hobson worked as a licensed carrier of passengers, letters, and parcels between Cambridge and London, England. He kept horses for this purpose and rented them to university students when he wasn't using them. Of course, the students always wanted their favorite mounts, and consequently a few of Hobson's horses became overworked. To correct the situation, Hobson began a strict rotation system, giving each customer the choice of taking the horse nearest the stable door or none at all. This rule became known as Hobson's choice, and soon people were using that term to mean "no choice at all" in all kinds of situations."

Twatt