I came across something on a dating site that touched me...
"Imagine meeting someone who wanted to learn your past not to punish you, but to understand how you needed to be loved."
And so naturally, the person who wrote this thanked me for reaching out but said she didn't think we would be a good fit because of her strong belief in God.
Nonetheless, I think it's a wonderful sentiment, and it's something I would love to find. I think everybody would. And I hope it's something I have in me to give.
So beautiful and precious. I agree.
In relationships, I've always given my significant other the love I've always wanted.
My significant other would have to hurt me without my permission first to make me stop loving him.
I would not purposely make my partner ever feel unloved or unwanted.
To me, witnessing my significant other feel loved and letting him KNOW he's loved makes me happy.
Even if he should not love me back, what matters to me is that I loved. Because in the moment of loving someone, I also loved myself.
It is a nice sentiment, but unfortunately in the online dating and offline dating, for that matter, my experience with sharing about the past is that, at least in the early stages, it is used only by the other person to vet you on whether you are worthy of them or whether they should reject you. It is not used to understand how you need to be loved.
"Imagine meeting someone who wanted to learn your past not to punish you, but to understand how you needed to be loved." My philosophy. I feel sometimes the other person feels uncomfortable worrying that I'm digging up dirt. After a few minutes of sharing my weaknesses, I think they get the idea.
Yes, and this is the only way to feel loved and give it too.
There's no love in holding someone's past against them. Everyone is the sum of all their experiences; every beautiful and dirty thing about them. To reject someone's past is to reject who they've become as a result of it. Sometimes that's a wise choice and in that case you move on. If you chose to stay, it doesn't mean you can't set your own boundaries or disagree, but everyone has different needs based on the life they've lived.
This is why it is so detrimental to a relationship to compare a current partner to a past one, or to anyone else.