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What are your views on D/s relationships?

Offworlder54 4 Nov 11
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Regarding other people, I have absolutely no opinion. If pressed, I offer my full support and that lifestyle doesn't affect my opinion of that couple in the slightest.

Personally, I don't know if I could be in such a relationship. It's not the actual dominance or submission so much as learning a whole set of rules and obeying or enforcing those rules with the fervor of an army drill sergeant. I think I prefer top, bottom, or switch between those two.

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For those who are unfamiliar, D/s stands for Dominance and submission. It's part of BDSM (bondage and discipline [BD], dominance and submission [DS], and sadism and masochism [SM]). D/s is about consensual power exchange in a relationship, casual or committed, and can take many forms — from one person making all the daily decisions to sexual servitude. It can be a playtime roleplay activity, other it can be a 24/7 lifestyle. As others have pointed out, it's not about abuse. It may involve physical discipline, or none at all. The specifics are up to the consenting adults to decide for themselves. D/s is often accompanied by other aspects of BDSM, but not necessarily.

I think D/s can be part of a healthy relationship, especially if one person likes to lead and the other is more inclined to follow. It can satisfy innate needs for control or to have boundaries set, or to sexually in charge or to be sexually subservient — and some people are "switches," meaning they take turns in each role (for those of you seeking a more egalitarian arrangement). There's no right or wrong way in D/s, so long as it's reasonably safe and among fully consenting adults.

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Beyond the very lightest stuff, it doesn't interest me, but I have a number of friends who are very deep into it (Joan Armatrading's line from "Call Me Names" fits nicely here: "It's their way of loving not mine." ). Rragnaar has summarized it well. It is indeed about trust and consent, and the only way for a D/s relationship to be healthy is for the parameters of a scene to be worked out in advance, with the sub establishing the boundaries. Safe words and signals are essential. Regardless of what may have been worked out for the scene, the sub is also free to opt out at any time.

And on that note, some musical notes on the theme ... Joan Armatrading, "Call Me Names" - although every version I can find on the internet at the moment leaves out this verse that I like:

"She's wearing heavy leather with lace
He dresses up in cowboy taste
They punish then they think up a crime
It's their way of loving, not mine"

Source:
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For those who require more information, a D/s relationship is Dominant/ submissive.

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Watch the movie Secretary.

I keep meaning to watch it, but haven't sought it out yet. I've heard it's excellent, particularly from people who couldn't stand the 50 Shades books/movies for being unrealistic and portraying BDSM in a negative light.

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Safe sane consensual - more power to them.
Every relationship (sexual or not) should be safe sane and consensual.

Do a little research before you start. (50 shades is NOT a good example of consensual Dominance and submission.)

Allan Level 5 Nov 11, 2017
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My views? Personally never involved in it, but I agree it's not about abuse, it's about sexual fantasy, which is not 24/7 life, but role play. In that sense, I think it is fine. How it is portrayed and interpreted by others, however, might turn out to be a problem insofar as they confuse it with abuse.

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A Dom sub relationship which is what D / s is, isn't about control so much as it's about trust. Everything you watch on videos or movies is bullshit. While the Dom has control over their sub it is in a complete state of confidence. The sub in a reverse method has control over the Dom because they have the ability to stop whatever's happening with the safe word. The trust that is inherent with this situation is critical to making the situation work.

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I would NEVER enter into one of those. For me the absence of any opportunity for equality of will, is demeaning.

Of course, I am assuming that D/S stand for "dominant" and "slave". Kind of mixing the usual terminologies. Usually, it is S & M, Salve and master, or B & D, bondage and domination.

Close: D/s = Dominance / submission
BDSM = bondage & discipline (BD); dominance & submission (DS); sadism & masochism (SM)

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What are you talking about? I am not familiar with the term.

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