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So, God is in control. He has a plan for your life. I hear that a lot.

But when something awful happens, we are to trust God and pray to him for comfort.

If he's in control that means he planned my son's death, leaving me in pain. Christians have told me no, that wasn't God's fault, he doesn't make things happen and I should trust his plan.

???? I don't get it. Why ask for help from the one who is behind the awfulness? God only gets the glory for the good stuff? I don't know how to respond to this kind of comment any more. Give me some thoughts, please.

SwnBarb 4 June 10
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48 comments (26 - 48)

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2

If there is a god it certainly does not conform to any religious attempt to describe or know it's intentions. We are literally alone. If they need a religious security blanket it's just a sign of their weakness and inability to deal with reality. Sorry for your loss.

Nardi Level 7 June 13, 2019
2

Yes, I think you are on to something but there, namely the total absence of logic and consistency in religious thinking. It first occurred to me as a teenager, 50 years ago. The second thing I discovered all those years ago is that never ask religionists about such questions; it only upsets them, unless you enjoy upsetting them, which I do.

2

When you live under god(s) will, you suffer under god(s) will!

It is really that simple!

2

I am so sorry that you lost your son. If ever a person needs comfort, it would be you. Yes, I get these words when my family and friends die...and still today I feel stunned. Another one is, ‘he/she is in a better place!’ Nothing about my grief, or about the person that has lived their life. And some of the people that are doing this...I really like. I have just stopped responding back with these people, they are going to be shocked if I say I am not a believer in ‘any hereafter or god!’ When I am hurting, I will need to find comfort elsewhere. 🤗

Yes, that comment "he's in a better place" - to a grieving mom you just said "he's better off dead". I hate that one.

@SwnBarb Exactly! I hate it too! These people must not have much appreciation for life...maybe that is true as they are living for the perfect next one!

2

There is no God

gater Level 7 June 10, 2019
2

Yes, god is responsible for all the good that happens and for the bad stuff it's man's free will. Like when a baseball player hits a home run he points to the sky but when he strikes out, that was his fault. As I tell people, if this god is all knowing and all powerful and lets little kids be born into starvation in India I'm not praying to it. Their god either has total control or it doesn't but they don't get to pick and choose. Then there are the "god-fearing" people. If this is a good god why fear it? They don't like that question either. You can try bombarding them with reason but if they had any reasoning ability you wouldn't need to have the conversation. Freshman year in college some missionary types came to my dorm room with their hands cupped. They said do you believe I have x in my hand. I said no, let me see it. They persisted, do you believe? Finally I said, ok, I believe, now let me see it. They said no, if you have faith we don't have to show you. Now that you have a headache, you can forget responding to them at all, just shake your head and walk away.

lerlo Level 8 June 10, 2019
1

Because it is a con! Make it you free will so when you make a mistake you can't blame the fake god. When you are stuck they say it is gods will but wait I thought we had free will to be able to do what we want! Then what good is free will when everything is gods plan anyways are we ants in a terrain like an ant farm kids have are the kids the ants gods? Then if you are an asshole kill millions of people and just before you die you confess your sins and you get to go to heaven! What a load of crock they have there.

1

My condolences on your loss. You would probably do well to tell them to stick their imaginary friend where he says you shall not stick anything (hint: it's where the sun don't shine). In a time of grief, you can let them have a full broadside and then if they get upset, say it is because of the grief or because it is obviously part of their god's plan to hurt their feelings so they can better empathize with your pain. I don't think you should worry about their feelings since they were in such disregard of yours.

1

My condolences.
If God has a plan, it looks like the plan of someone who doesn't have a plan. Or the plan of someone who doesn't exist at all.

1

I'm very sorry for your loss.

This is the very reason why Satan was modified from a very minor role in the Old Testament into a major Villain in the New Testament. People had to change God into a loving caring god and needed a scapegoat for all the suffering in the world.

1

Christians have it wrong but there’s no need to dwell on that. It is a duty to proceed with your life as best you can. Time will heal your grief.

1

I'm so sorry.

1

I hope that we are all here on this site because we do not bow to Idols nor heed the word of man passed off as the word of God! While the pain of losing a loved one is incredibly deep, we should not apportion blame, not on a God and not on ourselves. Cherish the memories of our fallen, that's how they live on, in our thoughts! RIP

1

Everybody dies. In every conceivable way imaginable. Not much consolation, is it? It's not meant to be. There is none which will help. Except the possibility there is an afterlife, but I can't offer that with certainty. But as an agnostic, I CAN offer the comfort it is possible. Reincarnation, for example, or rather the circumstantial 'evidence' it MAY be real, is one such way a human being's existence could continue. I'd suggest reading about it, and related topics. Not "god-centered" sources; that's not necessary. Religion isn't either.
Many atheists agree there's at least a sliver of a chance; many scoff. Think for yourself and look into it. You may find some solace there.
One OTHER source is Stoic literature. Strictly secular, it has many things to say about death, dying, and grief. Worth a look.

1

SwnBarb, like you said, it is hard to comment on that as well. I think Christians know that is bullshit, so all they can say is things like trust his plan.

If they actually tried to rationally explain that with no bias, they would free there own minds from mental slavery.

1

sorry for your loss.
why your son died doesn't make any make sense so any attempt at rationalization is ridiculous, imo.

1

No, no, you're doing it all wrong. Religion doesn't work if you think it through. Just bow your head and give god endless praise and glory no matter what the circumstances. Your brain must be in the OFF position at all times.

Just stop thinking and it'll all make sense.

0

MAkes no sense

0

You don't have to respond... Really shouldn't get into that debate rn. You want answers or to feel relief, gereric responses don't really help. Take with a grain of salt. When xtain ppl see others lost or in pain, they take that opportunity to convert/minister.
I'm sorry that you lost a child. Hang arround those who listen or offer good support. If you can't afford therapy, seek support groups. Larger cities normally have reg meet ups and there's free online groups.

0

Sorry about your loss. A bit long but this addresses your question.

0

I would simply say "thanks, I know you think you mean well, but fuck off". But that's just me.

0

I've given up to responding to this kind of thing at all. If someone's logic is that off base, there's virtually zero chance to change them. If they see no cognitive dissonance with that position, then they're unreachable.

0

I'm sorry for the loss of your son.
As for the rest of it there is no plan, we all have today and can hope for a better tomorrow I wish you well on your journey.

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