If it was possible to die of a broken heart, I would have been gone long ago! And there were several times that my actions were not designed to get me to old age, but thankfully I survived them. Age and a long period of being alone have taught me I can survive alone. I still have strong feelings for my last ex-wife and we are platonic friends. I continue in my heart to think it could be more, but know in my head he’ll would freeze over first. But since I can’t seem to even get a dinner date at this point, having a friend to watch my dog or an occasional meal with is at least something. I love her son, he was a big part of our being together in the first place. So it is easier to stay in his life if his mom and I are friends. And she is so miserable no one else can put up with her for very long, so I am pretty much her only support system. Hang in there, it sounds like she is working things out. Some people need to wade into the pool slowly. Enjoy the time you spend together, continue to show respect for her needs, and never despair. If you wait, life has a way of working things out.

I hate to be harsh but the lesson really is simple. Stop being a pussy. I cannot tell you the amount of times I messed up with women be because I was weak and pathetic. Maybe I'm wrong but if your friends advice didn't work then maybe you need a different track.

Being insecure reinforces insecuritity in others. Not an absolute, psychology rarely is but in romantic relationships its a good rule of thumb.

You need counseling. Both of you. If she'll agree to it, there's hope. If she won't, it's time to cut her loose. You've devoted 3 years to this woman. If she can't introduce you as her partner to her family, then there's something seriously wrong with her.

I went into some complicated relationships with some single moms, a bit similar to what you're going through now. Some single moms might be OK.
But with the ones I met, I found it really hard to deal with the hesitation, the delay, the smoke screening. Not as much as with the mom's kids as with the families. You may try to be understanding as much as you can, but it feels like you're stepping on someone else's toes in every step you make.
I found this real tough in the long run. I though I could stand the punches, but then came that one too many blow that sent me down on the floor. I was physically and emotionally down and out. Lost my relationship, lost my job, went into a depression. I was fortunate to have the help of my family and got some serious professional help.
I'm now back on my feet, new job, new girlfriend (with no kids) new life, new town. And it's strange but, the deeper I get in the atheism thinking, the less I believe in any form of afterlife, the more value I give to my own life and the further I get from the idea of comiting suicide.
I went down and I got myself some help to get back up. I hope you do the same.

I'm picturing Cher yelling at Nick Cage in the movie Moonstruck.

(SLAP)
SNAP OUT OF IT!

No woman is worth what you are describing. You need to leave there. Now. I think 50 of us agree on this.

You ate being treated as less than important, and have been for quite awhile. Thus the depression. I urge you to seek immediate counseling, and address why you feel it is okay for this woman to treat you like a dirty secret.
Not the way to live, not the right partner for you....a Partner is supposed to be your biggest cheerleader & booster!
And BTW, you CAN get over her, just as an alcoholic or drug addict can stop self-destructive behavior!

This relationship is toxic, you feel lonely, hurt,and suicidal, and your "partner" does not. the equation is not equal. A loving relationship should be open, honest, and you should feel loved and respected, you do not deserve anything less. I do not know this other person, so i cannot comment on her motives or rationale. But please hear me when I say this...... You will get what you tolerate, you have to love yourself enough to not be in constant turmoil and pain. Being alone for awhile can help you discover who you really are and what you really want out of life and a relationship. All lives have value, and sometimes when the depression is dark it is hard to see the good life has to offer { i know, i have been there). I saw another comment that said run fast and far away, i totally agree, make a clean, but solid break and do not look back. In my opinion your are being used to fill a void, whether it be emotionally or physically, perhaps even financially........ you deserve real reciprical love.

To be fair I knew there would be problems going into this relationship but we got on so well together I felt it was worth it. I thought I was man enough to deal with anything but what I never anticipated was firstly how deeply I fell in love with her and secondly how much not seeing her for long periods of time would affect me. I really don't want to be alone and it's so hard trying to be happy in my situation.

Theres plenty of advice here and I am grateful. Thank you everyone.

Going forward I still aint sure what to do. I don't even know how to get access to a therapist. But I guess I'll try. I will not be killing myself but I am in a very dark place and how I miss the sunshine.

Get help

Please seek a counselor. No one is more important than you. Before you do anything you should speak to a professional.

You need to seriously back it off with this person. You might be in love, but for her you're only a dirty little secret. And go see a doctor if you're having suicidal thoughts. That is an extreme overreaction to a situation that won't technically kill you that warrants speaking to a professional.

I commented before, but I wanted to add something. There's nothing wrong with caring for someone and wanting to be with them. It sounds like she's playing you. It might be intentional or it might just be her not knowing what to do in this situation. Almost all of us have been there. Almost all of us have been played by someone before. It's never worth taking your life. Trust me, when you give it some time away from the relationship then you will be able to see things much clearer and for what it is. You might even realize you weren't thinking clearly or that it wasn't right for you from the start. You have to do what's best for your mental well being. I've been there. I've cared very deeply. If you have family or friends you can talk to for some real in person support then do it. It helps. You need to be able to walk away from this and enjoy other parts of your life, no matter how mundane you might think it is. The sun does shine again. It just takes time.

Cut your losses and run for the hills. And I'm quite serious. This is a very bad and one sided relationship. Go on vacation and forget her.

My ex and I knew a couple who were actually married twice. Her kids from a previous marriage did not like him so everything was back and forth. Today they are divorced and she is married to someone else. I ignore her and I'm not sure what her kids think about this new guy.

I broke up with a gal cause she would constantly bring up her ex. One day I told her to fuck him and leave me alone.

While I've read the vast majority of the responses here , definitely feel the woman is at fault , I recall when I was recently separated from my husband Men live by different rules . They feel it's perfectly alright for them to have sex , but if their estranged wife does , then they feel she should loose custody of her children . I waited until my children told me he had taken them to his girlfriend's for the night , because his air conditioning wasn't working , and my oldest was very uncomfortable because he was wearing only his boxer shorts , (with a wide gap in the center front ), before I was comfortable enough to have sex , and even then I wouldn't let him stay the entire night . Ex's don't always play fair .

I think you know this whole situation is unhealthy. Real love doesn't demand that you spend time with the person but that you do what best for them. Get the support you need to stay alive and let go of this woman. If she's making you feel like this, the relationship is toxic. Let go and learn to love yourself. Then relationships won't hurt you so badly.

Please contact the Life Line number in your area.
Talking to a professional will help you a great deal. I mean this. They want to talk to you.
Please do this for YOU. Right now YOU matter!
There's NO REASON IN THIS WORLD TO WANT TO END YOUR LIFE.
You need to understand relationships can be a risk. You've entered into a hopeful partnership that doesn't seem promising right now. and a lot doesn't sound right too! It's not your fault!
LIFE IS TOO PRECIOUS NO MATTER THE DISAPPOINTMENTS.
Take time off, go on a holiday if you can. Clear your mind from negative thoughts. and do not think about ending your life!

From my life experiences I see two red flags in this relationship. First off...you are literally thinking that you might need to end YOUR life, if you cannot spent it with this person. Second...this person is not yet living her own life...someone, who must keep ‘quiet,’ about something as serious a their ‘real,’ love relationship is not living by her own rules. Which by the way...should this fall to pieces, she can say...it wasn’t anything that she did and she can put the blame on the other person. Because, she wasn’t all ‘in’ ...in the first place. She is holding back part of herself...why? (Believe what you witness with your own eyes, from the evidence...not a ‘fairy tale’ feeling!)
On the subject of ‘ending your own life,’ ...this may only be an indicator that you clearly know... if this does not work out, you will have to face the ‘pain’ of your life! When we are attached to anyone at this level and it doesn’t end up the way we thought and hoped it would...there is pain...pain like we never thought possible! This has been known down through the ages and if ever a person has been in this ‘kind,’ of love, they can verify that it is the very worst place to find yourself! So now, a person must ask themselves...is this ‘love,’ worth snuffing out my life over? How will this show...that indeed this was ‘real,’ love? Sometimes, we simply want get, what we wanted...no matter how much screaming went on...before or afterwards! Ofcourse, the ball is in your court! Good luck!

Don't try to"not be the "other men" in her past life. Only be you.

How old is the lady ? Y family's opinion / approval is so important to her ?
How old are the kids ?
Does she live w her family ? Or , not allowed to have a man in the house w kids ( court / law / custody rules )?
Do u spend time w her kids as it is ? Do they know u ?
I feel your anxiety and your agony of losing her .
I don't feel her anxiety or agony of losing u . What makes her feel that u are not going away ever ?
has she asked u to " wait ", and for how long ?
What will happen if u ask her to be a family now , or u might " walk away "? Would she lose her shit and try to keep the love of her life ?
What's her relationship w the father (s) of kids ?
Is she financially stable or independent ?
U r 51 and Alive and capable of loving .
That alone is wonderful if u ask me , and congrats .
Dead u won't make a difference to many , and definitely none to u . Stay Alive . Either u get what u want , either u ll have stories to tell my friend .

I can't give u any meaningful advice not knowing all the facts . All I can say is what I know from experiances : we only live Once . If this one is not the one to taste happiness and life togheter , man , like my father used to say , " there are many orange trees that make huge oranges too ".
Be a gentleman , save your pride , ask , try , f even beg on the name of love . Absolutely . But after a point , pack your imaginary suitcase and arivederci roma . Door mats are very useful . Everybody has one . But not exactly to die for item u know . U are nobody's doormat sir . U are a human .

Take two weeks off to think . Smile to self . Alive and lovable . So much world to see .

Talk to someone. Samaritans, call 116 123.

Please feel the difficulties of her, which may not be fraudulant.

1. don't end your life
   2 no seriously, 1-800-273-8255
2. we've all been there, just please don't end your life 1-800-273-8255

Don't be stupid, no man or woman is worth a life. LIsten to Cher's advice "SNAP OUT OF IT!"