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My sister died yesterday after being sick for 2-3 years. They asked me to do a reading at the mass. Told my niece I wasn’t a fan of God lately and that I would feel like a hypocrite. No thanks.

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KGDarling 4 July 14
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25 comments

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7

Might you offer a reading that is from another source than the Bible?

UUNJ Level 8 July 14, 2019
4

I’m sorry that you have lost your sister, it is a sad fact of life which all of us have to face at one time or another...the loss of those closest to us. You were right not to do a reading and I hope your Niece understands why and wasn’t upset. Our thoughts are with you.

3

I'm very sorry for your loss.

If it's a reading from the Church - than no. If it was to be a personal reading - than maybe. But entirely up to you.

I always found that more was accomplished by my family at the dinner after the funeral Mass - that's where the true stories were shared and real comfort was taken.

I really don't know how many families do this - but they should.

That's all I want when I go - people getting together for a meal and a good time - with some stories shared. That would delight me.

Cookout! Depending upon time of year.

3

Very sorry for your loss.
You could do a reaing, but not from the bible or religious text.
There is poetry and prose that may be appropriate, possibly a poem or passage from a book she liked or about an activity she liked .. maybe something you like.

3

Uncool to lose your sibling, but very cool not to pretend.

3

Sorry for your loss. Kudos for sticking to your convictions.

3

I am truly sorry for your loss. The worst part of getting old is all of the loss. You were true to your heart, and that is what matters.

2

Thank you all for the comments and condolences. My eldest niece did a eulogy and all went well. I still can’t believe she is gone!
My head is full of how she suffered and now is no longer in pain.
Guess my real grieving will come whenever it comes. She was like a mother to me, but even better! 😰😰❤️

2

I'm truly sorry for your loss. My mom passed 20 years ago. She was a believer, Roman Catholic. She had wanted desperately to visit Lourdes in France but was not well enough for such a journey. She was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer and died less than a year later. She raised me with both science and religion and allowed me to make my own decision, I always loved her for that. I made her final arrangements to include a Catholic mass and I read from the bible for her. I did it because SHE believed. This wasn't about me, it was doing a final "solid" for her. People have their own beliefs and, for me, I respect that. I may not believe but it's because she gave me the freedom to decide, for myself, based on my own findings, what is real and true. Out of respect for her beliefs I had the mass and read.

2

I would have done it and spoken about her life and at the end I would have said that now in her forever sleep she is hopefully happy.

2

As my sister and I were not close physically or mentally and I would have probably decked her husband, his mistress and daughter I did not attend her funeral.

2

Read a poem or relate a good story about her?

2

I am sorry for the loss of your sister, and I like you stood for your ideas. Maybe just an eulogy would have done...

2

Condolences. I declined as well when my mom died. I knew I had her memorirs so didnt ferl compelled to do a eulogy. It was a Christian ceremony and like you zi didnt wantvto ferl like a hypocrite. Enough siblinhs gsve eulogies. They di not need me.

t1nick Level 8 July 14, 2019
2

Sorry about your sister passing on. As for not doing some religious reading GOOD FOR YOU.

2

Hard time but you are right

bobwjr Level 10 July 14, 2019
2

So dreadfully sorry for your loss. I couldn't imagine how difficult that must be xx

Amisja Level 8 July 14, 2019
1

I wish you healing. It will come tho there is a period of adjustment to the loss. I am grieving someone as well. I have done this many times as I am involved with hospice. It would have been insincere had your forced yourself to eulogize. Unto thy own self be true.

1

Would it be possible for you to write something (non-religious but) meaningful to you, conveying some of your sisters good qualities un-related to religion, memorable stories, etc., and have someone else read it for you?

I wrote my mom's eulogy, but there's no way I was going to read it at the church, so we had a cousin read it for us. Perhaps something similar could work for you? I found that writing the eulogy was very therapeutic for me.

1

Very sorry for your loss.

1

Sorry for your loss. Watching and waiting for someone to die sucks ass. So, so sorry

You don't have to do anything religious - I wouldn't decline just because of the venue, only would decline only if I didn't feel I had anything appropriate to say. Services are for the living, to try and help with closure/saying goodbye.

1of5 Level 8 July 15, 2019
1

My condolences on your loss.

1

My condolences. I could not read any Christian text either at a funeral mass. I did speak for a few minutes at my mother's visitation service, but I was allowed to compose that myself so it was authentic and comfortable for me. Like Pam and UUNJ said below, maybe you could suggest to your niece letting you read something secular that you would both be comfortable with. There are many great readings available to find on the web. However, I know from experience that Catholic funeral masses tend to be very restrictive about what music and readings they will allow there. I don't even know if they allow a non-priest to deliver a eulogy.

Depends on the Priest you're dealing with. I've seen the eulogy done by a member of the family (non-clergy). My brother did our Mother's.

@RavenCT That's good and encouraging to know.

1

Sorry for your loss. I personally would think about reciting a non religious poem or quote. My thought would be, what would my sister want as it is her service. If I thought she'd want me participating this would be my choice. My sister died a few years ago and her husband came to spread her ashes near where we grew up on the beach. There was no religious service which bothered my mother and other sister and I'm sure they'll have one for themselves. This is what I figure I'll be doing in that circumstance.

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