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This post is about grief.
My mom died last week. My husband died last year. My grandpa a few years ago and my grandma the year before that. I feel like a professional griever. My kids are 10, 12 & 13. Kids are amazing. Resilient. We all know grief. It is a part of us. Someone recently said something about grief being easier when they were a believer. But I think it's the other way around. Yes, I am sad because that person is not here. And I miss them and cry sometimes. But I know life just keeps moving forward. And I just keep on. And I'm mostly ok. And from what my kids say and how they act. I think they are too.

FYI.. My mom was the sweetest lady and a wonderful mom 💖

Question: Do you think a person can get better at grief?
My answer: yes

Dancing 7 July 18
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9 comments

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0

I think the older we get and without a god to explain the pain, we start to realize death is just another aspect of life.

0

I hope so - I have difficulty letting go - too many of my friends died - though all logic tells me it was not my fault, I still feel that it was - that I should have done more, been better, and kept them safe.

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I'm so sorry! Would love to hug you!

zesty Level 7 July 18, 2019
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My answer would be not that we "get better" at grief but perhaps we learn to view it a different way.

My father died back in 1995 and it was unexpected. I was devastated for years... Beating myself up for all the times I could have gone somewhere with him or participated in something with him... Or even asked him more questions. Questions I still carry 24 years later. Slowly, over time, I realized this is normal behavior. Over the years the anguish was replaced by pride as my father taught me a lot about life and how to live it. I started reveling in that.

My mom died last year... It was expected as she was in and out of the hospital 6 times that year. She knew... We all knew. We said everything there was to say. The state of Virginia actually closed the General Assembly that day in her honor when they heard of her passing. When I received the video of that... I cried like a baby. I was so proud of everything she had accomplished!

Now... When I think of either parent... I feel absolutely no sadness... I just swell with pride and smile! They had their faults (as we all do) but they were the two greatest people I ever met!

So.... Look for the things that make you smile!

1

I agree with you 100 percent and I think you have amazing views on life and grief. I'm sorry for your losses but adore your mental state. Remember that just as it is OK for us to admit we do not know everything, it is also OK to cry sometimes. This is not a weakness. It is an emotion.

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The longer one's life lasts the more one becomes witness to people disappearing from one's life. During my childhood many members of my extended family got disconnected from life and just ceased to exist. Life teaches us about its ephemeral nature and that the natural end of us is death.
When a person from the inner circle dies it's much more raw, direct without buffer. Don't get depressed! You will get over it.

0

Yes, but I also think it depends on who in their life has passed away, I'm very sorry for all the people that have passed away you were close too,Death is always sad...

0

Yes ... I think a person can learn to live in the moment, and to add more grace to it upon each remembering ... to honor grief as a poignant state of mind. That feeling you stated next to the heart emoji was one such moment. Very beautiful perfect statement.

1

That is a difficult question to answer. Although we all experience grief at some stage during our lives, and possibly become more adept at coping with it as we get older, I think a lot depends principally on two things...one - our own personality and resilient nature and ....two - the nature and closeness of our relationship with the bereaved. The first of these is the most important because if we don’t have the type of nature to put death into perspective along with the joy we had with the loved one we’ve lost, we can become overwhelmed by their loss. If we can focus on the positives it can help with the negatives of our loss. The second thing ...our relationship with the person who has died, that differs from one individual to another, even in the same family we have different relationships with each other, and can be closer to some than others. There really is no definite yes or no answer to your question in my opinion, but perhaps it’s the other way round and as the young are generally more resilient , they can cope better, but as they grow older and are less resilient become less able to do so.

My condolences to you and your family at this sad time.

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