Okay, so you were wrong. Big deal, we're ALL wrong about stuff, we learn from it, and we move on.
It's not your "fault" that you were lied to.
Your guilt is wasted energy.
Sit them down and explain it to them.

You must explain to her that you did what you thought was right at that time, because presumably your parents were church goers and they took you...you were just following on unthinkingly, but in the belief that it was all true. You have to make her look into the claims and beliefs in the bible for herself and not just to follow whatever you do and think. We have to raise our children to think and make up their own minds about everything in life, religion included, by encouraging them to read and think for themselves. It is never too late to learn that lesson, as you obviously have done.

She was told that there is a hell and now you tell her there isn't. She needs to stop believing what she is told and start critically thinking. You have to show her how to do that not just tell her what is right and wrong now.

she is probably confused by now. you may want to ask her to ask you questions about why you're now singing a different tune, or why you once believed, or what it all means. it is up to you, but if she is thoroughly brainwashed, you may want to start small, and tell her, not in passing, but in detail, that a good god would rather she did good works than sat in a church. i actually know a good chassidic story you could adapt to your purposes, and here it is:

the ba'al shem tov (keeper of the good name, an actual person who lived in 17th-century poland and was by some considered the messiah, though he never claimed to be the messiah, and who was known as the besht) was walking home on a friday afternoon from visiting and comforting a sick person, and it was getting late. the sun was going down and he feared he wouldn't make it home in time for sabbath. along came a farmer with a horse and cart and he found himself offered a ride. now he would make it home before the sun set! meanwhile, the farmer quickly recognized him and apologized, saying, "i wish i could get to the synagogue more often to pray, but i work so hard, i'm so tired, more often than not i just don't make it. i do always set some time aside on saturday to study torah, though." the besht thought for a minute and then said, "when you pray, you're talking to god. when you study, god is talking to you. you've made the right choice."

this might be a good opportunity to introduce her to books about the various religions. if she is bright she may start asking questions about why there are so many similarities and yet so many conflicts.

now you could hit her all at once with there being no god, and if you think she can take it all at once, fine, but from your description, maybe she should find it okay not to go to church first and then ease into the rest. you know better than i how that might go.

good luck!

g

She needs to sort it out on her own, just as we all did. How about taking her to a church that focuses on a loving god and social justice? The United Church of Christ fits that bill. It may be too much God-talk and Jesus-loving for your liking, but introducing her to it would let her know you take her concern seriously. As for her fears for the family, a UCC minister can help. I dated an Episcopalian when I was in college, and he worried I’d go to Hell. His priest said that as long as I lived a good and caring life, God would find a place for me in Heaven. It changed nothing for me and gave him peace of mind. Win-win.

This seems like a simple fix. Just a conversation and an explanation..

If she insists on going, let her. But make scientific learning the foundation of your teachings. She will learn to laugh at how ridiculous it all is.

Sit her down and start with: "Honey, daddy was wrong about Heaven and Hell and all that." Then explain why and let her ask all the questions she needs to.It is your fault she feels the way she does but it's a mistake you can take steps to correct.

Best of luck with this.

We all grow. We are smarter now than before. No need to feel guilty. Just be honest with your children and let them know how you became more enlightened. Help them become enlightened, too.

What a fabulous opportunity for you to ask questions and answer hers!

She sounds old enough to hear your truth. Not sure her age.

Why don't you get the pronouncement by Pope Francis that hell does not exist and show her that ?. It would have some authority coming from him

Build a relationship with your children. Be honest. You made a mistake. Talk to them. If you feel they are old enough then explain to them the steps and rationale for your decision to not believe anymore. And instead of feeling guilty you should feel proud. You escaped religion!!!

Before you have the talk prepare by having answers to any questions! Do research.

If the child is a minor I would not let them go to church unsupervised. If you feel you need/have to bring them, then if you can, counter each false teaching as it happens during the service. If you can’t then take notes and discuss with your child after. You wouldn’t drop your child off at an insane asylum unsupervised for an hour would you?

I’ve been an atheist a little less than two years and I was terrified of hell. I wish religious establishments could be sued for psychological abuse.

Guard your child’s mind as if you would a rapist from their body!!! Teach your kids critical thinking.

I hope all goes well.

Hell is here-and-now having to experience such sadness.

Find a better church.

Don't beat yourself up to bad. We parents do the best we can at the time. Later when we know better we do better.
Just be honest with your daughter. Have truthful conversations about what you believe and what you use to believe. Explain your changing your mind.
It won't be one conversation but multiple.
Reach out into your community for humanists groups or other secular groups.
A lot of people who stop going to church miss the community. If there are not secular community get togethers. Start one I'm sure there are others.
Chin up mom. You got this. ❤

Well, you're no worse than a mother who fed her kids unhealthy foods for years and then learned better.

The advice I give here is coming from my years of experience counseling families and kids. You might not like it, but I write here because I believe it's what's best for your daughter, and isn't that the most important thing in this conversation? Not what's best for you, but what's best for your daughter. Here it is:

What your daughter chooses to believe is up to her, not you. In her younger years, it was up to you and you started her on the path of religion and church. It's obvious those things are still important to her, so I believe you need to take her to church. That doesn't mean you have to go, participate or believe, but it's important to your daughter and you need to let her have that opportunity.

Explain to her that you don't believe and your reasons why. Explain why you won't be attending church with her, but that you feel what someone chooses to believe is a personal choice and you don't want to take that choice away from her. Eventually, as she grows and matures, she may come to the decision that religion is not for her. Or she may become more fully invested in religion. I know that's something you might not want for her, but if it's important to her, who are you to stand in the way of what gives meaning to your daughter's life?

Consider the situation from the reversed perspective: that of an atheist child whose parents are forcing him or her to attend church. How good is that for the child? How much respect does it show for the child's feelings, thoughts and individuality? None at all. And you don't want to do the same with your daughter. Church is important to her and it's not your place to dictate what she believes and take away something that gives meaning to her life. The path she chooses for her personal philosophy and personal beliefs is hers alone and not yours to stand in the way of it.

There is no need to blame yourself for your situation. You will get nowhere feeling sorry for yourself. The only way out is forward, and in that respect you have tons of options.

If you want your daughter to come to the relisation that religion is wrong as you have, you can not force that on her, she has to come to this conclusion on her own. The best way to do this is to show her other religions and what they believe, teach her about science and philosophy, and tell her about the evils of religion.

That’s a good start of many conversations you need to have.

See you in hell.

You don't say how old your daughter is. You're almost 50 so I'm assuming we're talking about a young adult or at least a teen. I would echo some of the other advice here and make sure you have openly discussed why you quit going rather than just dropping out without comment, possibly taking with that decision, some of your daughter's social life and connections. On the other hand if she's of age, she should just knock herself out ... go all she wants, but respect your right to make your own decisions and have your own beliefs.

I think you do have SOME responsibility to articulate your views and the wrongness of your past views, as an antidote to the madness. But the reality is that you may be too late for that if I'm right about your daughter's age.

If she is in fact younger, then you have more of an ability to sit her down and correct her thinking or even to keep her away from those fundies.

I was a very active Christian until my children were around high school age but both of them, fortunately, never bought into it or liked it. They were able to be happy for me when I decided to get out of it. Everyone's situation is different though, as different as the people and circumstances involved.

Yes you did fine. Just talk to her.

Have you admitted that you made a mistake in bringing them to church in the first place? In my experience, children are very forgiving and can also accept facts reasonably well if those facts are presented honestly and straightforwardly. It can also model good behavior that is both compassionate and courageous, i.e.: people screw up but that's OK, it's possible to recover, apologize, and make up for it.

Introduce them to Science and Natural History. Logic will prevail!

Now I bet she is really confused. Time to talk now. Many parents send kids to church and Sunday School in order to have more alone time. It backfires on you in the end.