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Would you "settle" for something "less than" to keep from being alone?

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NoPlanetB 8 Oct 10
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14 comments

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0

Less than what? Perfect? Less than I deserve? Less than what other people think I deserve?

The question isn't clear enough.

And the word "settle" doesn't settle well with me. 😀

0

Settle ? Why ? You only pay later...

1

A good (or even so so) book always works for me.

2

Well, there's alone and there's lonely, and I'd rather be alone than with someone I feel lonely being with.

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That's why yall are alone . Lol

1

The choices aren't applicable, assuming - as is typical in the US - that everyone is looking for a conventional sexual permanent partner in a recognized romantic configuration.

I like having anyone in my life with whom I enjoy interacting, from wild hawks and coyote pack friends to people I see routinely. I'd love to go hiking, to the zoo, read books together, joke around, and snuggle with someone I trust, and love to be with.

But a permanent relationship can problematic, since seniors are typically set in their ways, housing, location near their grandchildren, etc. so someone would have to give up their lives to make a conventional "couple."

1

No, never! That sums it up perfectly...I am never going to settle for less than I had with my husband, pale imitations of the “real thing” have no appeal!

However, I have a problem. Even though my late partner was very unique to want another like her would be wrong. I liken it to a family with one child. That child dies and another comes along. The parents then make the 2nd child a substitute for the first one. It is not fair to the child, the dead child or, in the end, the parents. I learned a lot from my partner and one thing was having a successful relationship. I would not want another to be like her but different. Compatibility is not just one type of person but should have some commonalities.

@JackPedigo I meant the same kind of chemistry...not a duplicate.

@Marionville Absolutely, and some differences would be great.

1

I think this question is flawed because one never really knows what one is getting into until months or years later. The totality of a person is not revealed immediately and especially when the blinders called lust shade one's view.
This is not like shopping for a new grill on Amazon, where you can check all the dimensions, the specs and even read prior customer reviews before deciding.
It's more like having 3 minutes to pick the next book to read at Barnes and Noble. There's the cover illustration, the picture of the author, and you can flip through a few pages, but that's all you get. Wing it.

That's why people should never move in with someone until they are pretty sure about them. A lot of people want to move too quickly. I think keeping your own place would be better for any relationship, because you can always pull out.

3

I have settled in past relationships and am
no longer willing to do it, sexually or intellectually. I have wonderful friendships that sustain me while I search for a partner, so I am fortunate to not be lonely.

UUNJ Level 8 Oct 10, 2019
1

I’ve lived alone many more years than I’ve lived with someone. I’m fine alone and wouldn’t give it up just to avoid being alone.

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I actually like being alone about half the time. But, the complete absence of any kind of intimacy it too high a price to pay for that limited solitude. Certainly there should be some middle ground.

@NoPlanetB well what frustrates me is the all-or-nothing requirement. Needing some alone time shouldn't relegate someone to a lifetime of loneliness.

1

I guess it depends on the parameters of settling. I was raised that I could be missing "Mr. Right" if I was wasting time with "Mr Wrong." But I've found that there are a lot of variations on Mr Right that can make the search less lonely.

1

The American fairy tail version of what we are supposed to expect in a partner has me so distorted I don't even know what settling is.

I think we all have to settle in many minor and larger ways to be in any relationship. The question is if you consider it settling or just how much one is willing to compromise.

MsAl Level 8 Oct 10, 2019

Agree. There are too many freeloaders, lazy people who don't want to work, etc., looking for "someone" to live off of. Then the alcoholics and drug users.

@photoelectric I just meant no one is perfect so we have to learn to deal with things we don't like a little bit in order to be with any other person long term.

@MsAl But it's not about imperfections. You have to protect yourself from people who would take advantage of you. You don't have to deal with things you don't like to be with someone. The red flags should be heeded.

3

Since there is no such thing as perfect I suppose I might. Anyone waiting for perfect is really just saying they will remain alone.

@NoPlanetB I think just the fact you are dealing with gender differences at least for me, there will always be some differences you deal with. I do believe there are a lot of women I would be compatible with. I have found them in the past. Things may not always work out in the long run. Sometimes life gets in the way. Also my chosen profession definitely required a strong partner.

@NoPlanetB It wouldn't be that difficult now as I only play a few times a month and it is always in this area.

@NoPlanetB True. I do admit the time probably goes faster for the person on the road than for the person at home. It can be good though. I found if the relationship was right you didn't spend a lot of time arguing about trivial things. You were so happy to see each other, you didn't want to waste the time you had.

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