This is a rant about A frustrating situation that has arisen. And from it ive learned that ill never date a theist again.
I reconnected with an old high school crush. I was lonely and still coping in the after math of my divorce so being around someone i was close too was comforting.
Well...we became more that friends. We were happy. Until she told her folks about my athiesm. Then they pressured her to leave me. In fact in hind sight...im certain they even orchestrated the events that soon followed.
She went on about us being unequally yoked or betraying her god after seeing her parents. But alone...just us...there was none of that. But something seemed odd.
For one she kept mentioning kids. Wanting one....even took it upon herself to buy baby clothes for "just in case".
I was not ready for more children. I was quite content to never father another child again. My daughters from my previous marriage were plenty. But she begged...pleaded for a home a family.
She had me convinced we would always be together.
We found out she was pregnant. And soon she left. Cutting all communication within a few short weeks. Her father handled things between us. I gave back what stuff she had left at my place.
I was cut out. The babies first heart beat....i didnt even get called when the child was born. I feel used and frustrated because my questions go unanswered.
When the news was broke to her side of the family their reactions were less than supportive.
My family has doubts if its even mine. There were some red flags i caught i perhaps shouldnt have ignored. She still had Tinder on her phone and ex boyfriends would call her. Its not a slam dunk she cheated on me scenario but Im unsure how to proceed.
In the days leading up to what i would call our break up she became increasingly focused on my lack of belief. And seemingly upset i didnt want any religion forced on the child. I fear the worse if its mine.
10
Enjoy being online again!
Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.Create your free account
29 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.A woman who buys baby clothes " just in case" is Not right in the head!
Religion was not the only bad thing about this relationship, and you need a good lawyer! (Try Legal Aid if necessary!) Call today, learn your rights!
AnneWimsey
Level 9
Nov 5, 2019
7
Baby clothes just in case??
WTF does that mean? You don't start buying dog food just in case you decide to get a dog someday. That was a BIG red flag.
Sgt_Spanky
Level 8
Nov 5, 2019
7
In many states a single mother, not independently wealthy, will have to use Gov services for aid to said child, medical and so on.
They will do a DNA test in order to bill you.
IF you want the truth, go to human services and insist they do a test because you do not want to be a deadbeat Dad and don't know if it is yours.
If not you will need to force the test through courts.
Davesnothere
Level 7
Nov 5, 2019
6
A much more reliable way than Maury. I note you said single. In many states, including Pennsylvania the law states the husband WILL be the father. And, although a blood test my help in divorce, the state will still demand the husband's share of support, unless agreed to and changed in a civil case.
@Beowulfsfriend Not only that but in Many states if the mom listed a man on the birth cert, it is assumed she told the truth and any testing is on you AND your on the hook till then.
To me, the cost to the kids in all this is horriffic.
If you didn’t want more children, why didn’t you use your own protection or have a vasectomy? You ignored her obvious references because why? Yes, unprotected sex feels great but is also the #1 cause of pregnancy.
Yes, you’re a nice guy, so you’ll try to do the right thing. Be prepared, it’s going to get worse.
FlyingGodess
Level 5
Nov 6, 2019
3
Did he state he did not use protection? 
It is important to remember condoms are not 100% protection against pregnancy... if they were I would not exist right now! heh
@demifeministgal True, but 99% is a pretty good safety record.
@Atheist3 Are they 99%? I thought it was lower... though admittedly I have not read a condom box recently.... okay I found this data online: "If you use condoms perfectly every single time you have sex, they're 98% effective at preventing pregnancy. But people aren't perfect, so in real life condoms are about 85% effective..."
In relation to whether this guy used protection I am firmly agnostic. I cannot say for sure. But I doubt it because he didn't say so in his rant.
Three words: A preemptive vasectomy.
dahermit
Level 7
Nov 5, 2019
3
@OldMetalHead yeah, if he’s only 30, that seems a little young to get one.
@OldMetalHead good point, just realized I was 35 when I got sterilized....my kids were 11 and 9 at the time and I knew there was zero chance I’d want more. Plus I have depression and having an infant would have been absolutely debilitating to my mental health.
Why does 35 seem so young? Lol. Funny how age works and the ages you used to think of as “old” now seem young.
Firstly, I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. Divorce is hard enough as it is.
Especially when kids are involved.
Just from what you posted, I'd definitely be demanding an independent DNA test.
Just because you haven't been asked for child support, doesn't mean it won't happen.
It's possible that you were used as a sperm donor, or as cover for a pregnancy fathered by someone else.
In any case, please make sure you are protected. If the child is yours, and if you want participation in the child's life, you need to be prepared to fight for it. Sounds like she and her family would attempt to use your atheism against you.
Sorry you're hurting. Perhaps some professional mental health assistance would be something you could avail yourself of.
Good luck going forward.
KKGator
Level 9
Nov 5, 2019
4
You should get a paternity test by court order. This way, you know the facts and can plan from there. Talk to a lawyer, emotions get in the way, let them handle the messy stuff. Don't answer the phone if it is her or her family, just tell them politely to call your lawyer.
PadraicM
Level 7
Nov 5, 2019
2
This is more than her being religious. This is also about her being immature enough to allow her parents to have control over her. As others have mentioned, I would find out if the child is yours -- you have that right, and if so, you also have a right to have a relationship with that child. Other than that, although I know it hurts, you are better off not being in a relationship with her.
bleurowz
Level 8
Nov 5, 2019
2
This is not your child .
Congrats . U avoided a good deal of bleeding .
This one will return if the current idiot who she plays house with , smells the rat that she is . Then u will be bothered again . That will be the time to have a paternity test done and shut her mouth for ever .
Your atheism was never the issue . The next / more convinient / $$ penis was the issue . She found it / secured / u had to go .
I am so happy for u . Congrats !!!
Pralina1
Level 9
Nov 5, 2019
2
Tinder and ex boyfriends? just be happy she is gone.
joeandbarb
Level 7
Nov 5, 2019
3
I would need a sense of closure if I were a man in your situation... I would not leave her be until I knew if the kid was mine. If it were, I would then have to decide do I want to be in its life or do I just sign away my parental rights. If she is unreasonable and would not allow me to see my child, I would have to involve lawyers and the courts. Good luck to you in this situation it is a messy and tricky one for sure.
demifeministgal
Level 8
Nov 6, 2019
1
You didn't say how long you were with her, but is there a possibility that she was pregnant by someone else and looking to you as a prospective surrogate daddy to support he child? Then when the parents found out you were a heathen they put the brakes on that idea.?
TheoryNumber3
Level 8
Nov 5, 2019
2
My brothers ex did the same thing. Suddenly started buying baby clothes "just in case". My brother thought it strange since he had been sleeping on the couch for months. Nut case.
FlyingGodess
Level 5
Nov 8, 2019
0
- Have you heard of condoms with spermicide ? 2. Demand a paternity test. Go to Social Services and see if she is collecting welfare perhaps telling lies to them about you or any potential sire. 3. If you want visitation with your proven child get a lawyer and protect your parental rights. 4. Do the world a favor and expose conniving xians who brainwash children from birth and sexually mutilate baby boys.....you have every right to protect a son from them and follow the proven education of a daughter as your other girls
GreenAtheist
Level 8
Nov 6, 2019
0
She sounds too controlled by her parents for her age ( I’m guessing she is around 30 like you). Hopefully, the baby is not yours and you can sever all ties to this unfortunate phase in your life. If the baby is yours, fight for a relationship with the child and a chance to counter the religious indoctrination to come.
Good luck. Try to look forward, not back. I too, tried to reconnect with someone I dated and broke up with when I was in high school. Turns out, I didn’t like the person he became. I liked the good memories, but the reality didn’t match up. I had thought it would be comfortable with someone familiar, like you mentioned. It seldom works out well. We should have left the past alone. Live and learn, I guess.
Tinocca
Level 7
Nov 5, 2019
1
You'd have to persuade her to give the baby a DNA test to prove anything. Meanwhile, you could just be the patsy she chose to take the fall for an unwanted pregnancy, to win over her parents.
birdingnut
Level 8
Nov 5, 2019
1
Perhaps shouldn't have ignored Tinder? DUH!?!? Somehow your predicament sounds a bit childish, though you claim being 31. Reading your bio shows you're no prize for any parent, death metal? You sure it was what you say the reason for your relationship end??
Mofo1953
Level 9
Nov 5, 2019
1
He posted as a rant, not for you to call him childish, say he’s not a prize, or for you to criticize his taste in music.
Why do you feel the need to belittle people? He’s hurting already and does NOT need some random dude online putting him down.
@Marcie1974 you go give him comfort, then. I have found in my many years of practice that self criticism, not belittling anybody, but guiding him to look inward for the reasons instead of blaming others which is the easy thing to do. Hurting for the loss of a girl friend is at best inmature for a 31 year old man. He is asking for advice not sympathy.
@Charles9488 please do not give any credence to his words
@Mofo1953 how is calling him childish and saying he’s no prize guiding him in any way? You are name calling and deliberately trying to make him feel worse. How is that even remotely considered constructive criticism?
Perhaps you should look inward before you post word that do nothing but put other people down.
@Marcie1974. Nobody is forcing this 31 year old adult man to take or reject the advice and comments he specifically asked for. Up to him to do what he wants, but to pretend to silence advice that is not a pat in the back; or the easy way out of agreeing with you because you are hurting is bogus and maybe even detrimental to the recovery. I don't really care if this middle aged man heeds my advice or not, but pretending to silence a perfectly valid point of view just because "oh my god the poor boy is hurt" get him to his safe space and let him suckle on his wittle thumb is silly. He needs to man up and you need to get real.
@Marcie1974 typical of lay people holding to a word or two instead of tbe gist of the advice. This man is behaving inmaturely, hence the childish term. But you know better than a trained professional, so go comfort him by agreeing with all he said and tell him there there. A lot of good that will do....for you not for him.
@Mofo1953 he didn’t ask for advice. He said it was a rant. Had you offered constructive criticism or given practical options to the situation, that would have been perfectly acceptable. What you did was belittle his maturity, taste in music (as if that has anything to do with anything), and said he was no prize. In what world is that advice? The only advice you actually gave was not to ignore that she was on tinder. The rest was just outright attacking his maturity and music. How is that remotely helpful?
Please tell me what was the “gist of the advice” then?
@Marcie1974 if you can't tell it is useless to tell you
@Marcie1974, @OwlInASack or not
@OwlInASack the dude needs to grow a pair and man up, tough shit if some busy bodies think this is rude. You can call it rude or you can call it a reality check. Have you noticed he hasn't complained? If he does I might apologize, something I am not opposed to, but when busy bodies who are not the interested party "call it" you're damn right I will not.
@altschmerz i have nothing against any music style but some religious parents may object to it, don't you think? That was my point.
@Mofo1953 “man up and grow a pair”
Toxic masculinity much?
@Marcie1974 no, just good advice for another man. Not for you.
@Marcie1974, @OwlInASack if he asks I will. Now get off your holier than thou pansy attitude.
@OwlInASack fuck off wanker!
How ironic that you claim he is immature and no prize parent when you share nude selfies of women online, without explicit consent.... and how old are you exactly? That makes it worse. You should not throw rocks at someone's house when you live in a glass house yourself.
@demifeministgal all my posts of nudes have consent, shame on you for making stories up.
Thank you to those who took the time to offer sound advice. There's a lot to sort through on this.
Charles9488
Level 4
Nov 10, 2019
0
Enjoy being online again!
Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.Create your free account
Share this post
Related Groups More
Memes R Us
2991 members
Categories
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.