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The two biggest challenges that I have encountered in dating are women who smoke and women are too religious.

  1. Cigarette smell is very strong to me and I have actually gotten sick after kissing a girl who smoked. That is why I stopped dating girls who smoke. I threw up, and I get an allergic reaction to smoke inhalation. So this is a health issue for me.
  2. I tried the online dating and when I see god fearing women or looking for a god fearing man, I take a hard pass.
    I would like to hear from both men and women about what are your biggest challenges to dating, and what is a turn off for you. What people will you not date or get in a relationship with.
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noworry28 8 Apr 14
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72 comments (26 - 50)

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4

Everything on your list I avoid except for a little light drinking occasionally...

4

Two iron-clad, no compromise requirements for someone I would date:

-They are uncommonly bright. An advanced degree is a good proxy for this, but not always present. I get my initial insight from how they write their profile. By profile, I haven't been wrong yet. If you pay attention, it's not hard to tell.
-They seek the right answer, rather than seeking to be right. This eliminates religion, and of even greater importance, means you are with someone you focus on learning from and with, not arguing with. It is also a sure-fire sign of emotional maturity. It always, every time, eliminates trumpies, racists, etc.

After that, many things, Attractive, fit, I prefer some races not others, temperament. Physically active. Happy disposition.

FWIW, I don't automatically exclude smokers. They can be OK.

@MissKathleen Both of my requirements, and I am a swell guy 🙂

@MissKathleen Confidence and at least some self-awareness is not arrogance. I am fortunate to have schooled with, and worked around, many genuinely brilliant people. A constant reminder of my limits. To point two, seeking the right answer, since college life has shown me how little I know, and how much of what I thought I knew turned out to be wrong.

I do however have a good idea of what I want someone to be like if I am going to voluntarily spend time with them to the exclusion of others. I don't judge or think less of someone who doesn't have those characteristics. But I also don't choose to date them. It doesn't work for me.

4

I would pass on cigs, religion and trump . All three.

4

None of the above. I think all of that is inconsistent with my personal values, but I believe in personal freedom and tolerance. As long as you don’t take exception with my views and refrain from verbally attacking me about them, then I’d be happy to date you. My issues are with hygiene, criminal behavior and lack of fidelity.

4

As we evolve we are so splintered in our ideas and direction in life. I have been single most of my life and decided to try it out again a couple of years ago. Hell, I even flew to Tucson AZ from Michigan to meet a man. We had talked often on the phone, he was educated, active, did not smoke, did not drink much, but was extremely immature. I have always dated men much older than me for this reason. Well now that I am nearing 50, I thought maybe I would give my age group another shot. Too many deal breakers to mention, besides you covered them all for me. No smoking, NO TRUMPSTERS and No fundies!!!

4

Not actively looking, but open. Politics and religion would be the only hard deal breakers on the list. As for age - it just makes sense that one would more likely connect better with similar ages, but age itself is not a deal breaker.

3

When I posted this from my phone, I was unable to see that i had the option to allow someone to choose more than one answer. However, now that I am reading the responses, I think it is better that only one answer is chosen. In my case, I have met people that fit in all of those categories that I included in the poll. They are friends and coworkers and colleagues, and they are decent and good people. There must be one of these choices that the answer is definitely a no above all of the others. That is the one to choose. I know that more than one of those choices apply to many of us. Thank you for all of your comments and insights. As for me, I don't mind if you drink or smoke marijuana, as long as it is not an addiction and is not done excessively. The age difference is fine with me, as I have met some very mature and wise young women, and some childish and immature older women. The cigarette smoking is a health issue for me so no. Too religious is no. Trump supporters is no.

3

I smoke. As if life isn’t hard enough in quarantine, I get to read that smokers are even less desirable than Trump supporters??? Sigh

@Trumpeter

That's the first sensible thing I've ever heard you say.

Those two are both an enormous turn off. I chose Trump supporter over smoker as the biggest deal breaker. It was a close call though.

@RoboGraham

He had said long before that Bernie wouldn't go far. Ask him.

@St-Sinner

Coming in a close second twice in a row while fighting a rigged system, I'd call that far.

@VeronikaAnnJ

It's the same for me.

3

I don't understand. If you're not compatible you're not compatible. Online dating might not be for you.

3

Trump supporter followed by too religious. Sounds about right.

3

Um, I need to vote for all except drink. Yeah, I'm picky.

3

No smoking. No mental illness. Not overweight.. No religion. No Republican. No fan of heavy makeup or perfume.. Limited pets. No wonder I’m alone? 😕

Varn Level 8 Apr 14, 2020

I don't smoke. No mental illness. I'm not overweight. I'm an atheist. I'm not a Republican. I wear a little make up. I never wear perfume. But, I have LOTS and LOTS of pets. Oh, and I'm not looking for a partner, that too 🙂.

@Joanne Yah, I’ve experienced that.. As ‘I get down the list,’ then find out they’re surrounded by cats & dogs… I’ve had both, just one at a time, over a lifetime. Then there’s me … having recently concluded perttymuch the same with regard to no longer looking … yet periodically turned on by some cool attitudes around here ..and wondering how commuting to love multiple states away might work. Gets so complicated, so fast 😀

@Varn I am currently down to two dogs. I also have three cats (two indoor). I just kinda ended up with two of them and one is a from a litter of feral kittens I found and raised and just had to keep one. My other pets are a Green Cheek Conure, four chickens and two ducks. If I ever win the lottery (first I have to actually play it) I will build a huge animal sanctuary and add considerably to my menagerie 🙂.

3

Basically religious, smoker and drumpf supporter. Depends on how heavy the drinking is and why the marijuana usage (I actually had a partner for whom imbibing in marijuana was preferable to drinking when we went out partying) Age differences can get a bit difficult but mainly because of where you are at different points in your life. I am also a vegetarian so if they are a meat eater it can get tricky.

3

Voted. Not surprised to see the results the way they are though. Thanks for sharing!

3

Once again, you need to allow for multiple responses from each person. The polling system allows for this. Why do people keep posting polls and not use this option when they set it up? Think and pay attention people. Until then, I won't bother voting in those polls.

All of the above except drinking and weed.

Thanks gor pointing this out. I was not aware of that ability.

3

What does "god fearing" mean anyway? That you are afraid of the god you worship? Why the fuck do you worship a god that you're afraid of? Makes no sense at all.

It means that if you don't kiss the ass of god, said god will usually kill you.

How about Hitler fearing? If you said one thing he did not like you were not likely to live long. So many pretntded to go along with him. It is the same unbelieveably enough with an imaginary god. Crazy!

However, I do know it was a retorical question.

3

Turns out that love is a lie. The realization of that has left me unmotivated to seek it out again but if I did, religion, Trump, and cigarettes are dealbreakers. Drinking and pot are fine, just not to excess.

Oh, and NO Irish!

Just kidding about the Irish.

3

Every one of your issues except drink unless it is not to excess are issues for me. Age difference is the real problem I am extremely old but do not want a toy boy or an old geezer.I am also evidently considered very picky so I just gave up.

I prefer the 'stage of life' terminology. My neighbor is 88 and very active. She may look old but doesn't act it.

2

I smoked and quit when I got in a relationship with a non smoker

2

I couldn't buy a date so can hardly afford being too picky, but a drunk smoker would be an absolute no.
(P.S. Notice how many responses from women. They love telling anyone who'll listen who they won't date and why.)

I was in the process of buying a date when covid happened.

That's because women have standards... 😜😋

@Cutiebeauty Not all women. Thank God!

@Cutiebeauty Ouch.

@BitFlipper I've been thinking of that myself, but my d*mn standards keep getting in the way.

@Cutiebeauty there seems to be an assumption: if a man can't find a date it's because women have standards. Ok. So if a woman can't find a date is it because men have standards?

It looks like the women have reasonable standards that the men can't meet. And I'll bet the men have unreasonable standards.

Am I understanding you?

@BitFlipper my comment was :
"That's because women have standards... "
All that other crap is coming from you and other comments here.. Also, when you assume, you make an ass of you and you.. Understand? It's no wonder you have issues with the opposite sex.. Meh and oh my..

@Cutiebeauty I see you are unwilling to address my question. It's a double standard, clear and simple.

@BitFlipper
"there seems to be an assumption: if a man can't find a date it's because women have standards. Ok. So if a woman can't find a date is it because men have standards?"

Actually, if a man can't find a date... There are so many reasons why he can't find a date.. Surprisiingly, and pay attention here, it's usually NOT the woman's fault.. As much as you'd like to believe it is... It's the man's fault.. Because.. Well... Women DO actually date men... Who woulda thunk...

"It looks like the women have reasonable standards that the men can't meet. And I'll bet the men have unreasonable standards."

Women do have reasonable standards... And isn't it just bonkers to expect men to meet those reasonable standards? It's crazy right? Standards? That's ludacris! I suppose women should just jump into bed with just anyone.

"An I understanding you?"

I don't think you understand me or any woman...

Did I answer your sarcastic question appropriately?

@CutieBeauty Not quite.
I was making a flippant, 'knowing,' hopefully piercingly insightful remark about WOMEN'S unreasonably sky-high standards. Men's standards, in my view, may be more realistic.
One possible reason for this is women have power in the sexual realm which enables them to leverage that power into a plethora of choices.
When one is poor, choices are limited by what one can afford. Burger King or Taco Bell or Sav-a-Lot?
When one is rich, choices are virtually limitless. A menu might as a result be harder to navigate. So many choices!
Similarly, a strikingly beautiful woman (such as yourself) is in a manner of speaking for purposes of this discussion, "rich." She thus has a much wider range of choices than a less attractive woman. This might result in indecision bordering on the compulsive: what if she chooses, then almost instantly unearths an even more desirable companion/lover (richer, more handsome, more refined, more highly educated and sophisticated, etc.)?
A financially rich man has a similar problem, of course. His 'menu' is less limited the wealthier he is.
All this is of course very simplistic. In the cases of both men and women attributes cannot be measured strictly according to one or two variables. I've just chosen the more extreme and stereotypical ones to make a general point, specifically in the case of women:
who, aware of their leverage in the sexual arena, sometimes use that power to make unwarranted and unreasonable value judgments in other areas. So to speak.
It can get very complicated, too much so to make sweeping generalizations. But that's what people like me do.
(P.S. Consider: if as you say women have reasonable standards men can't meet, doesn't that make them a priori AND empirically UNreasonable?)

@Storm1752 blah blah blah... All things being equal, men chase women 😊😜

@Cutiebeauty I rest my case. It's been proven both because of this observable fact AND because it makes deductive sense.
I am triumphant.

@Cutiebeauty you stepped around the issue of the double standard. That is my only significant point.

@BitFlipper double standard? What do you mean?

@BitFlipper Yes, what do you mean?
BOTH men and women have standards. Again stereotypically, for men it's beauty, for women, money.
In both cases it's more layered and nuanced than that...many things enter the equation. But both are standards.
What's the double one?
In my case, the standard has only been met a few times. (Not that it's all my choice.)

2

my requirements are simple hot and hung lol actually I guess its not so simple but I don't do old and I don't do average and I don't do assholes had plenty of those in my life I don't wanna a soul mate and I don't want to move in or have you move here

no liars is big for me if you lie about something small how will I know about the big stuff

im not hot in fact anymore im old and fat and amazed at the the number of offers I get from some great guys

Remind me to run the other way!

@Storm1752 not to worry

@Storm1752 yo don't measure up

But do you deserve and qualify for what you want ? If you want hot and hung, you better be hot and be able to swallow swords...

@RonKrell you would think fortunately for me that is not a requirement as a rule

2

I also can't be around smoke. Enough allergies as it is. I don't bother to date anymore. The prevalence of religious fanatics, hard core GOP, the ones only wanting to hop in the sack, and the druggies is not to my preference. I thought that I was being pretty open minded just looking for someone to get to know first, a little intelligence that would work as a team in time. Guess that was to much to ask for.

2

My biggest challenge in dating is.....myself.

I'm not social and get embarrassed very easily so I don't push myself to talk to women I'm interested in that often; even online I don't talk much because I never know what to say. And the times I do put myself out there and take a chance, I get shot down, ignored, or lied to. Definitely lowers my already low self-esteem.

If we're talking about being able to find someone to date, then the things below are either deal breakers or qualities I do not prefer:

  1. Religious
  2. Conservative
  3. Has Kids
  4. Smokes
  5. Overweight/Underweight
  6. Older/Younger than me by 5 years
  7. Anything related to hurting animals like hunting and eating meat
  1. Believing in old-school gender norms for relationships like the man is supposed to pay for everything

Sheesh, Joey, that sounds like a pretty discouraging list and comment. Good luck with that..

you are living in a dream

@TomMcGiverin but he knows himself and what he wants he is rather definite sometimes a hidden treasure is in the fringes fat girls can be fun and you'll never go hungry lol
but I know how he feels I think we all have a list of deal breakers even if we haven't thought about it they are there

@Ninanah Better than living in a nightmare 🙂

Congratulations on being clear about what you don't want.

2

Anyone who does not oppose Islam (the ideology, not the adherents).

2

2, 1 and 5 in your list in that order are the big turn offs for me. weed would make me cautious as its not legal here yet, and drink in moderation is ok.

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