I'm returning to this after a few years so technically not a newbie, i engaged for a whole week last time. But that was two years ago, so may as well be. Right?
But anyway, something strange happens when you turn 30, and it's not just the horribly extended testicles or extra nose hair. No, I'm talking about the feeling of freedom, yet also the sense of shackles gently tugging at your ankles.
I'm now a proper adult, for what that's worth. Too old to blame immaturity on age, yet not old enough to not be immature.
If you hand me some lego, I'm bloody well gonna with it. I fucking love lego! But I'll be drinking straight Jagermeister whilst i do so. Yeah, I'm so over jagerbombs, that's how i know I've matured. I don't want to be wired all night, i enjoy sleep too much. I need that nightly escape from the horror that is my new existence of random back ache and medical paranoia.
That "sleep when I'm dead" attitude has been replaced by a "i will sleep now" attitude as i slowly usher in a new age of heavy practice for my inevitable final destination. I really wouldn't want to fuck that up.
Despite the new realisation of mortality (i mean, i knew beforehand, i just didn't calculate the time frame remaining), and the aches and tiredness, i feel better in my own skin. Yeah, i look a little rough around the edges, so what, fuck it, I'm not chasing shallow girls anymore. I'm not competing against guys with abs you could use to fold towels with either. I'm up against beer bellies and nose hair, i think I've found my time to shine. Right? Right...?
And yet, my stamina has decreased to such a degree that a ten minute jog has me wheezing so bad that death himself is taking pity and offering me some water. Like cheers cueball, i expect I'll see ya real soon!
I imagine smoking and lack of exercise is the culprit for the bad parts. But meh, in the grand scheme of things, all human history considered, I've achieved an age greater than like probably 90% of men throughout human history have achieved. So, that's something, right?
And guess what, I've done it in a less healthy manner too. I doubt spartan men were downing jagerbombs by the dozen every weekend and then going raw with sticky vicky and her potentially deadly assortment of venereal diseases. Although, there is a slightly lower of death by being stabbed to death these days.
Hey, despite all the bollocks these days, it's a beautiful time to be alive. Wouldn't you agree?
What is this post about? Well, whatever you want it to be. Although, I'd prefer the accuracy of it being an attempt to cause a few smirks, maybe a chuckle or two, and to probe for likeminded people to share a little humour and spread the gospel of Jesus Christ, our lord and saviour. Our very savoury saviour. That Jesus fella is a real cracker.
13
Enjoy being online again!
Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.Create your free account
26 comments
Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Ohferpetessake, 30???????? Try going-on 72.......
AnneWimsey
Level 9
June 30, 2020
4
this is why more millenials or gen Z members do not come to this page 
... they get ridiculed for sharing life perspectives. heh
@demifeministgal they could USE some life perspective!
So, you're an agnostic who proclaims a belief in the gospels of Jesus Christ?
Do you even know what an agnostic is? I don't think ya do. I think you're a Xian pretending to be an agnostic and if you are, welcome. We need at least some believers on this site to offer some conflicting opinions.
Sgt_Spanky
Level 8
June 30, 2020
2
I took it as more sartorial with GeeZeus being a tasty cracker one eats, non metaphorically with the catholics.
@Beowulfsfriend I ain't zactly sure who he is or what he means.
I definitely know what agnosticism is and no, I'm not Christian. And my references to Jesus are satirical.
After 30 (now late 30s!),I came to realise that we’re all just ageing, big kids, on a continuous learning curve. Becoming a so-called “adult” is not actually an achievable thing. Some people need to say it to feed their ego though.
Mvtt
Level 7
June 30, 2020
3
I agree with that sentiment.
One other thing, Jagermeister tastes like medicine. It's icky.
Sgt_Spanky
Level 8
June 30, 2020
3
I want "sticky Vicky's" phone number.
Normanbites
Level 7
June 30, 2020
3
Sorry mate, she's retired! 
@Merseyman1 Yup! That's how it goes!
I believe you'll find her number on the back of a toilet door. Or perhaps attached to the side of a payphone.
Be wary, those may be men in drag. Uh... so I've heard.
If you really believe your self indulgent post, I too, feel sorry for you. You need some serious therapy. If you work on yourself for the next 20-30 years, you may earn the right to make a post like this and have the wisdom not to. Best of luck to you.
shockwaverider
Level 8
July 1, 2020
1
I’m 29 and I’m really dreading 30 after reading this. Any advice to prepare for it ?
Joebq
Level 3
June 30, 2020
2
Geeze kid lighten up. I still live it up at my age. It isn't the end. 30 is easily just the beginning.
Also look forward to next year. Your car insurance should go down lol
Worrying about your age interferes with living. The original poster obviously have too much time on their hands. Don't let that happen to you, get busy producing and enjoying.
You can't prepare. Just do (as if you have a choice). If it helps, the only major difference (beyond random aches) is that women your own age are incredibly broody. So unless you're into that, you might want to stock up on hand lotion.
Yes we all used to be sinners until one by one we stopped believing in it, so now we just f--k up occasionally. Jesus went up in a puff of smoke, so instead we watch TV. We get younger every day, though, unlike most people, and one day we'll arrive at ONE SECOND old, then poof! We'll be gone.
Storm1752
Level 8
June 30, 2020
2
I turned 30 last year and I still feel like I'm walking that thin line between what I assume an adult has to be and that shy, happy child I used to be. But I have noticed those changes: the knee pain, ten new grey hairs every day, back aches even though I've been sitting all day, etc. (no extended testicles though). I guess it's all down hill from now on, but it is truly great to be alive.
HannaYou
Level 6
June 30, 2020
1
All over the world, in surveys, people mostly get happier as they get older. Yeah, my body is getting older too. But also, I had great kids who are now out of the house, I am good at a lot of different things, and 40 years of being a bookworm have added up, and I'm not rich - but I'm ok, and have all the toys I dreamt of 20 years ago.
Yeah, my back is sometimes sore, I like to sleep a bit more and I'm not horny all the time - but I'm happier! 
And, again . . . that's the most common result of age.
Yes! That's what i was eluding too by freedom and shackles.
Childhood is ultimate freedom. Adulthood is a shackled existence.
Not in a bad way mind. Just, you are often treated or viewed negatively for having a vivid imagination. Or having fun by cutting loose and indulging the inner child.
You're coerced into finding a balance. Look at the way we interact with children, we become a child ourselves. That is when we're most free as an adult, when we're probably happiest.
With other adults, well, just look at the responses to my post. Some get it, like yourself, some don't, and they condescend.
It's nice to have a little childlike giggle every now and then. Laugh at stupid things, tell stupid jokes, maybe flick your twin sisters ear until she gets annoyed and punches you. And then you both start laughing like idiots.
sigh
Reaching thirty is an important time, a time to think about your life and goals. But during the period you were away from this site you probably forgot that Agnostic.com is a place mainly for Agnostics and Atheists, so if your Christ BS was to put some humor, it's alright, but if you plan to convert us with silly praise, you better go back to your instrospection!
Merseyman1
Level 9
June 30, 2020
1
Ah bollocks, I've been rumbled! Yes, i am here to convert you.
Now, may we discuss ME, your new lord and savour for but a moment?
You'll get a free cookie for joining!
(Disclaimer- Apostasy is punishable by being forced to think for yourself, and you relinquish your right to a place in heaven.)
You were doing well until the Jesus bit. Hope you enjoy some time here but some of the guys will be on your case if you mention JC too much.
I don’t mind one bit, all grist for the mill but just thought I’d let you know.
Geoffrey51
Level 8
June 30, 2020
2
WTF?! This is what I have to look forward to?? extended testes and nose hairs?! goddam it this birthday will be a difficult transition indeed! 
that's the joke
But according to your post, I've been 30 in spirit for a long time already, was never a drinker (only for social occasions) and have been sleeping my life away since my teen years. heh
Conclusion I should be just fine this new year of life. 
yay me?
demifeministgal
Level 8
July 6, 2020
1
I see some of you aren't particularly aware of how lighthearted with tongue very firmly in cheek my post was. Well, 95% of it. I am actually finding it weird being 30, and I'm sure I'll find it weird at 40. Mainly because i don't know what the hell I'm doing, life is a puzzle I've yet to figure out. And I'm sure I'm missing some pieces.
And yes, I'll hold my hand up, it was self indulgent drivel. Is there anything wrong with a little self indulgence every now and then, though?
You know you'd love to have an entire toffee cheesecake to yourself. Don't lie.
XxDjinnXx
Level 4
July 1, 2020
1
As one that has passed 30, 2 1/2 times, I gotta say you're starting waaay too soon..and welcome back.
HankSherman
Level 8
June 30, 2020
0
Enjoy being online again!
Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.Create your free account
Share this post
Categories
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.