You know I have been intentionally single for about a year now. It has been working out well for me. Emotionally I am much healthier than I ever have been in my life. I have my sanity back. Now I am giving serious consideration to trying this dating thing once again. But I am hesitant. A lot of people have wasted a lot of my time. I don't want to let that happen any more, but I want (not need) someone to have my back and maybe scratch it once in a while lol. (seriously a good back scratch will make me melt... better than a massage)
Yet I don't think there is any other way around it. I can't decide. Do I really want to deal with all that stress again? But I can't stay single forever... I mean I could but I'd prefer not to. I realize stress exists in every relationship but I can't seem to find a person that is actually worth it. I am fighting with myself on this for no reason and I know I am overthinking. But I can't help it. These people around here drive me nuts. I need to find someone that is not from my area here in bible belt southern Il. I am aware that there are plenty of women that think like I do or similar. But I am going to have to move somewhere else to find them I am certain. And I can't move until I flip this house so I guess I am getting impatient. I am far from desperate. But damn, can't I get a break? I need a new environment. That is what I am craving. This place is getting to me. More or less I am just rambling and ranting here. I can't decide what I want to do. I would like to be with someone who apreciates me for who I am and is not interested in changing me for their convenience. But every time I think, "maybe Ill go talk to that girl and give it a shot and maybe Ill get lucky and she will surprise me" But that thought is usually followed up by "You know damn well how this shit is gonna turn out, don't waste your time."

I think the only way I am gonna get around this and figure it out is if I test the waters some more and just deal with the headaches and weed out the morons until I find someone worth talking to. Though so far no one in this area has surprised me one bit. I guess I just gotta suck it up. Ugh.... Why did I move here.... Oh ya my life was a mess and I had nowhere else to go.... You know when I first moved here I had a 6 month plan? I was going to work for 6 months just long enough to save some money and get the hell out of here. I have now been here almost 5 years.... WTF happened?
Man... that is a depressing thought lol. I definately had other plans...