I hear you and I certainly understand. My step father was so afraid of dying in a nursing home that he deliberately made it hard for any one of us to have power of attorney over him. Then, because he could only walk with a cane, he fell and broke his hip. This brought about a long ordeal that finally ended well with my daughter as his POA. He's in a good nursing home and has dementia. I went through hell doing all the legal leg work for this and I know he thinks that I hate him. It's not so.

Recently he got angry with them and threatened to leave. He told my daughter about it and she told him he could not walk. His reply was "has anyone around here ever heard of a cane?"

Such a shame there's not a better way than the uncertainty. Hopefully one day all Countries will have a better answer for people that are at end of life. Best wishes to you and your family at the time of this difficult choice.

I know, We took my mother through the nursing home routine and of course felt the guilt. She became late stage alzheimers and that was it for me. She was not home, nor even in there. ONly 17%, as I have read, die at home. I believe to let natural death happen. I do not want the white room, white sheets and the tubes. No thank you and I only hope my kids do not do this to be believing it is bes for me, it is not best for me. I would rather have an accident or something that succumb to a life without my mind

Miss you girl! Hoping everything is OK.

Sometimes the kindest thing is the hardest at the time.

Hugs to you and your sister. Not an easy situation to navigate.
I'm glad you have your sister, and that she has you to share the burden.

This is when I become an advocate for drugs like marijuana, mushrooms, LSD, DMT... These are all drugs that should be used when someone is making that transition from life to death. Or just used for fun recreationally if one is being responsible.

Hugs, remember the good times

Good morning baby girl. I hope today is a better day for you. I guess I will start by telling you about my baby boy Jacob. I grew up in Franklin, NC, but I spent most of my adult life in CA-- mostly in San Francisco. I came home 13 years ago and met his mother at a club. I went home with her and we kicked it for a couple of weeks. I didn't know her AT ALL. The more I got to know her, the less I liked her. She told me she was pregnant. I demanded DNA testing. It came back 99.997 per cent. To my credit, I have been a very dutiful father to Jacob for his entire life. Although I really don't like his Mom as a person, we have learned how to co parent. I LOVE MY JACOB!

im sorry, my family just went thru a similar battle, half wanting 2 keep my uncle alive(some just for his check) and some wanting to let him go. in the end we did take him off life support and he looked peaceful for the first time in a long time. hope you are as ok as you can be given the situation

Think, "would mom want to live like this? Unaware & tortured in mind?" Yes, its hard, I know, from experience. But you lost your mom a while ago. Now, there is this tortured stranger driving her body. You & your sister are, in my opinion, doing the right thing & doing it together. My mother is in a very similar state. I have 2 older sisters who are "believers" & feel that our mother's suffering is "God's plan" & makes her "more Christ-like".

There is living and existing so I agree with you. I believe you should be able to be euthanised like you would a loved pet.

What a daunting challenge and experience. I am so glad we share this community so I can respond and offer human-driven support.

I know from my own exerience that it's really tough when generational roles shift and you/we step up as responsible for our parents and other elders. Two things I want to offer as reminders to provide perspetive:

1.  When you do what you have to as your elders reach what is inevitable, you do them the service of sparing them doing it for you--which would be even more excruciating for them. Take comfort in dealing with the 'natural' order. You are sparing them unbearable, unspeakable agony. Take comfort in that.
2.   Nobody gets out of this game alive. Winning isn't not dying. Winning is living a gratifying/satisfying life--and each of us has to do that on our own.

Tough decision, but probably the correct one. My best to you and your sisters. When she passes, remember the good times and move on.

Had to deal with parents who had dementia as well. It was very difficult when their immune systems break down they often succumb to pneumonia.

I'm so sorry. But, as others have said better than I could, you're doing the right thing by her.

I share your sadness and laud your courage. It's not pleasant or easy, but it's how thing go. Treasure her memory and live a testimony to the good in her.

We had to do that with my mom also. She was only 51, but she had premature dementia caused by multiple sclerosis. She was bed-ridden and her quality of life was non existant. It was a very hard decision to make, but even now I know it was the right decision. She never would have wanted to live like that if she could have made the choice herself. Peace be with you.

So understand what you're going through. Hope you make it through with the least amount of horribleness possible. My sympathies.

It's a terribly tough decision but if you really feel that you know what your mother's wishes would have been (or if she has an advance directive) you can feel a bit better knowing you are doing what she would do if she were still cognitively able to make those choices. <3 So very sorry, it's never easy. Many of us have been there.

As a man of age 81, I empathize with your mother. I will end my own life before I will go into a nursing home.

Sad.

I am sorry for your loss. We went through something similar with a relative a few years ago. It is a very difficult decision.

Dementia is awful. Saw both my father's parents and my maternal grandfather and my father in law go through it and my father is showing initial signs of it at 74. You are doing the right thing.

It is very sad, and you are very brave doing what you feel is right for your family