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My father passed away recently and didn't want any fuss, eulogies or services and such...not even an obituary in the paper. I have honored his wishes, but did write up something that is fundamentally about him and my family while not being too specific...just wanted to share...makes me feel a little better 🙂


Crucible. The dictionary says a crucible is a situation of severe trial, leading to the creation of something new. Death is a crucible. I'm not talking about death in the abstract. I mean death when it comes for someone we love.

We can't see into their mind, but how they handle death...how they recognize it, fight it, protect those around them, and ultimately accept it...is a testament to the strength of their character. Surely it is a crucible, which cannot be fully understood, only appreciated until we ourselves face the great mystery.

When someone we love dies, it is also a crucible for us. The sorrow is complete, penetrating and unbearably final. It is without remorse, without pity, without compassion. But how we handle it...how we recognize it, fight it, protect those around us, and ultimately accept it...is our testament.

The death of someone we love is terrible. But we can choose to find some little bit of good in it. They have passed through their crucible to peace and their trial is over. And we can come out of our crucible wiser, stronger, better people. In a sense, it is a final gift they give us, heart wrenching but precious beyond measure.

jasii100 4 May 7
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11 comments

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0

Very thoughtful

1

So sorry for your loss. Your father did a wonderful job of raising you. It shows in the beautiful tribute you wrote about him. I hope his memory is always with you.

2

Beautiful

0

Beautiful

1

That’s a beautiful tribute. I’m sorry for your loss.

1

I am sorry for your loss. My mother passed away s little over one year ago, and my father predecessed her by 20 years.

Our loved ones appear to have passed into a different place or state when they die, but in fact the ones who have done so are us. We are in a state in which we won’t physically sense them like before. We won’t be physically accompany them like before. We will not be divested of their memories. Their idead or interests will continue to weigh on us. In that sense we will be guided by them almost as if they were with us.

Our parents are critically important to us not just when we’re small and need to be protected and brought up. From them we acquire that first example of selfless love that hopefully we can transmit to our own kids and to others around us.

3

My sympathy and condolences in your time of loss. I hope you are able to take comfort in memories of your father.

1

Great, this is my eulogy for my mother when she passed.

A tribute to a loving Mother

Our Mother lived her life for her children. She wrote her own story, her life history “To my beloved family, of whom I am very Proud.” The only important thing to her was her family, she would do anything she could to help when help was needed. Everything else was incidental to the welfare of those she loved.

She had a hard start in life as the child of a single mother. Her mother was a severe woman who seemed to take out her frustration in life on other people, and Mother shouldered the brunt of that frustration. But even that didn’t diminish her esteem for her children, did not result in generational abuse as it sometimes does. In fact it may have added to it, she knew what it was like to feel diminished and unloved and she didn’t want that for any of us. She passed from that harsh and cruel beginning to the serene belief in her family as the center of her being. And in doing that she still had love and respect for her own mother.

She bore the pain of childbirth not just once, but ten times. And each child brought more joy to her life, gave her more reason to live and love. She became the matron of a large family, a family she may have hoped to have when she was an only child. A family to fill her life.

She suffered in her life too. Besides the pain of illness and infirmity she suffered the loss of a son in the prime of his life. I had to tell her and Dad that George had passed away and their suffering was indescribable. Then so soon after that she had to watch Dad die from the excruciating pain of a heart attack. In the following years she had to endure the passing of each of her three step children.

And then as all lives do, her’s came to an end. It may be that death gives all there is of worth to life. If those we’ve loved could never die, perhaps that love would ebb from the earth. But in the flow of life from parent to children love is regenerated, it flows as life itself from mother to child. We, the children of Harriet, each have learned our own lessons from the heart of this good person. I think we are each a better person for having been her child.

As the father of her last grandson, Davy, I can only hope I have learned her lesson well enough to pass it on to him.

David K. Schumacher

1

That is beautiful.

2

Aw man, my condolences on your loss, but your dad left you something beautiful.

1

Im sorry for your loss.

gater Level 7 May 7, 2018
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