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My daughter has taken up Christianity, despite all the work I put into her and her sister early on, not to make a choice for them, but to show them the alternatives to religion. She is now nearing forty and has totally embraced Christianity. I worry about my little grand daughter who will be enrolled in a private Christian school for her first year in September. Her sister is doing OK. She wonders what the hell happened to her mother. I know that it's her choice and not mine, but Christianity, especially the kind she's gotten in to, can be so destructive. I nearly get sick reading some of her FB posts on how God did this and God did that in her life. Religion sucks!

Enchanter 6 May 9
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20 comments

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1

It's awful. My son did the same (because of his wife & her family), and it broke/breaks my heart. My two little grandchildren are already indoctrinated. Sitting with my little grandson watching the ants, I said "I wonder what ants are for?" and he said "Don't ask that! God made the ants! And he's VERY powerful!" and made a whooshing Marvel Agents sign and sound. I almost cried. He's never had a chance. But then my son did, and look what happened. We still say I love you, lots, so all is not lost.

We still say I love you, too. She doesn't contact me much. Her sister has the same complaint. We're just sitting on the sidelines watching to see what will happen next.

@Enchanter respect & solidarity. X

1

your granddaughter has you for balance. Just talk about comparative religion and never ever put your daughters beliefs down.

Yes putting her beliefs down would be a bad mistake. I still want to have a relationship with her and that would probably hurt that a lot.

1

A lot of people grow up on religion but that doesn't mean it's permanent! Most people evolve during their lifetime and change many times. I wouldn't be upset unless they were a serial killer. There's always hope, even though it may take many years. I sometimes think the only good thing about being religious is that when we finally wake up to all the bullshit we've been fed, it just reinforces our non - belief even more strongly.

0

Religion creates contention it's worse than a sickness I guess I should it a chickenshit sickness

0

Only thing religion did was hold me down and make me a little of ashamed of who I am.

1

I have one of those. She was a very normal child, even cheekier and more witty than average. As a baby she had the most amazing laughter. One day, when she was 17 she asked me whether I would give her permission to become a Christian. The bigoted mother of one of her classmates had lured her into some sort of happy clapper mob. "Of course, my dear daughter, you have my blessing!" No bullshit I just said that as a 17 y-o she was old enough to make her own decisions and off she went on her mission. I suspected she was just interested in checking out the boys who were non drinkers and non smokers and non sweaters. We were all of that too without getting any senile god envolved. During that conversation her mother whom I had known at that time for 25 years suddenly uttered: "I believe in god too!" - "Holy Shit," was all I could say. At some stage in very beginning of our relationship I had asked her whether she wanted children. And in this context I had mentioned that I didn't want my children to be subject to any religious rite. She agreed and briefly mentioned that she had been baptised Lutheran, that her mother was at some stage a Mormon (I didn't really know what that meant apart from baking kosher cookies in Utah.) and that she had attended a catholic school in a Catholic country. She never mentioned anything about any god, neither had her parents ever mentioned anything religious during our gatherings.
So here was my otherwise normal daughter joining a Christian mob. She is 1/6 in her generation on my side and 1/4 on her mother's side, that is that she has only 1 sister, 4 paternal coursins and 2 maternal ones. She was only the 2nd one in my clan to have the privilege not to undergo baptism rites. As a child we had decided to withdraw her from religious education. Anyway after a few years of a rather loose connection to the happy clappers she sank even further and joined the JWs. She still invited me to her wedding, but since then she has severed her ties with me. My younger daughter is sad about the situation because her elder sister didn't even inform me that she had a child.
Several years ago she accused my on Facebook, sort of publicly of abusing her. I didn't expose her to the scriptures (btw she used to be a voracious reader and good writer with tons of musical talent, perfect pitch).
Recently she told her sister that she drags her baby just about 9 months old to bible study.
Now my only hope for her daughter is that when she turns 17 to walk up to her mother and ask her: "Mom, do you mind if I became a normal person and atheist?"

I thought I had it bad. Perhaps, as you suggested at the end, your daughter's child will revolt from the mess that religion is.

@Enchanter I would probably no longer be around ... I wish you luck ..

I totally sympathise with you, and empathise as far as I can - my dear lovely son took up christianity because of his wife and family, and it makes me cry. But we are still in contact. I can imagine how hard it is. So sorry.

@GoldenDoll thank you ... Such is life.

1

I think sometimes our kids feel like they missed out on something that others have experianced. Religious feeling can be wonderful to the believer. I have heard about the god shaped hole in peoples hearts (heard but can't understand). Think about also that I must be comforting for her to feel that something out there is trying to help her because of there unconitional love for her. The church community is also a big draw.

He father gave her unconditional love and that didn't work.

1

My daughter rebelled against me, probably in part from my ex-wife coaching her. Being shunned by ones own daughter has been extremely painful, but I've been advised that extreme rebellion by children is actually pretty common. Indeed, the history that I've heard of China, Russia and England all include multiple instances where whole regimes fell, bloody revolutions fought, and tolerated religions flipped, all because the new generation rebelled against their parents. It IS a major pattern.

You probably do have at least 25% chance that the grandchildren will reject the beliefs of the parents, merely as a matter of that selfsame rebellious nature. I am inclined to suspect that the rebellion is linked to manic-depressive mental illness/tendency. Or, linked to other mental illnesses.

One might hope that (after the Trump debacle) progressives might develop an atom of spine and compel candidates to answer the hardball questions that matter. Once idiotic beliefs receive the examination they deserve in a public forum, more people will drop them entirely. Certainly, all Christians pick and choose issues to believe.

For your daughter, there is always hope. Be able to answer any challenges she or her cohort may express. But, consider yourself to have had the phenomenal outstanding luck to be more rational that most of Humanity. Apply yourself to make the most of that rationality. Set the example, not just for your daughter, but everyone who knows you.

1

Honestly, religion has something that seems like it's always been lacking in non-religious communities - the sense of community. It's getting a bit better with the internet bringing people together, but it's not the same as a church where people will get together at least once per week, nearly every week, and see their cohort. Religion has a strong pull for the sense of belonging and I've known a number of agnostics/atheists who'll go to church, even if they don't believe, just for the social network and to have that sense of belonging

1

At least you can be thankful that she didn't embrace Islam. Christianity is fairly benign by comparison. Some people need to believe in a deity because reality is too difficult to confront.

0

That it surely does.

1

I've told my kids if they grow up and feel the calling I'll respect it. As long as they respect my disbelief.

Tht's the best a parent can do.

1

My complements to you for attempting to educate and enlighten your daughter. It seems to me that despite your best efforts she has been seduced by the bible bashing s.o.bs...
Given time I feel sure she will come to her senses and realise the errors of her brain washed ways. Until then try to maintain your overall relationship so that too much water does not pass under your mutual bridge...remember you have grandchildren to consider..so that's a bridge best left unburned.

You are absolutely correct. I intend on focusing on the grandchildren. One of them is 18 and she is not inclined to be religious at this time. The little one is only 4 and will be entering kindergarten next fall at a Christian academy. She's really smart though and I have hopes that eventually she will figure things out and reject religion for what it is.

@Enchanter Absolutely..you can't do any more than that..give them the space to figure it out on their own..then offer support if and when they do.

3

That's a really tough situation. I feel for you. My first thought was that maybe your daughter was rebelling against your view, as children do, but at age 40 she's well beyond that stage. Not sure what to say, other than be there for your granddaughter. Perhaps your daughter was born with a predisposition to religion. Some atheists think that people are born neutral on religion and it's all acquired. I would like to believe that, but life experience suggests otherwise to me. I hope time works out in your favour on this.

I have done much study on the born athiset / bleiever notion. We are in fact born with no concept of religion it must be learnd. We do by nature assign agency to that which we do not understand, this tendency cause many of us to seek religion as the "agent" once we understand religion. It is not so much of a instinctive quality to seek religion but rather a by product of our tendency to assign agency.

Thank you for your kind response. It was such a shock to me when she converted. I'm not sure if there is a disposition for religion or not. When I was a kid, Dad and Mom would dress my brother and I up in little suits with ties and drop us off at a church. I went to nearly every church you can name. I once asked Dad why he and mom never went to church. We were in the mountains at the time. He pointed to the trees, rocks and the river and said, "This is my church." I stopped going to church shortly after that as I had a lot of trouble over the hypocrisy I saw and heard every Sunday.

@Enchanter your father sounds like a wise man.

@DavidLaDeau yes, it's an interesting subject, and your analysis has a lot of merit. I just cannot get over my observation of some people not born into religion or socialised into it who seem to have a pathological addiction to it. If it's not one religion it's another. Even if they have a religion there's always some new guru they're reading. Yes, I'm stereotyping, but I just sense their brains need it. While others born into religion just know from an early age that they don't buy it and move on. Subjective assessment, yes, not scientific, certainly, but if I'm honest that's what I think.

2

I know, it's difficult, my wife and 13 yr old daughter are Pentecostals and me and my 15 yr old son are atheists. I guess it's fine as long as they are not pushing their superstitious beliefs on you. Try to hang in there.

SalC Level 6 May 9, 2018

Thank you I will.

0

You gave her the choice, which was the correct path. Some other factor or person found a way to influence her, which was part of the risk you took. You can do nothing wrong and still have events not unfold the way you'd choose. That's true free will.

1

That's rough and has to be painful for you. Let's hope her critical thinking skills kick back in sometime in the near future. Maybe when the novelty wears off and she sees that nothing has actually improved because of her new religion.

Deb57 Level 8 May 9, 2018

Thank you for your response. I hope time will tell and she gets back on track.

0

The Ancient Romans had the right idea with bloody Christians.

Athos Level 5 May 9, 2018
0

I sympathize with you. It's particularly stressful and bewildering when it's your own family. Best wishes to you.

0

Yuck. Xianity.

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