Agnostic.com

28 8

When you question life and all the shit thats involved with life do you reflect on past reflections or failures that you think could have affected on your future life...or do you now adjust with plain sailing now...curious...

James121 7 May 12
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

28 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

7

During the night when I lay down to sleep the demons of regret, doubt, and anger at perceived past failures come out.

In the morning and during the day everything is fine and dandy.

As I get older the demons have aged and faded too... so maybe that means I am less concerned about the past and more optimistic about the future. The fact is my subconscious has finally caught up with my conscious realisation that dwelling on toxic thoughts about the past is futile and destructive.

I totally get that as I am the same way. Here's what gets me - the people I lost or angered or offended or who felt wronged by me have long forgotten my name. They wouldn't recognize me today if I sold them a newspaper on the street corner - but I remember them - I remember their faces, their names and where I met each person for the first time.

7

The past is the past. Learn the lessons that need to be learned.
Don't dwell on what's already done. It's completely pointless and
gets in the way of living life now.
Adapt, or die.

6

If you want to go insane then keep dwelling in the past and how you could of changed things. The time is now... be grateful...educate yourself. All you got is today.

6

Everyone has fucked up at some time or another, simply learn from the experience(s) and rock on. Most important to care for yourself in the process.

6

I regard my past as something that made me who I am today and something to be learned from. Playing "what if" is a waste of time. You are who you are and how you are at this moment, and the only direction to go is forward, I don't have that much time left that I want to beat my self up over things that can't be changed.

6

I look back on unpleasant/ unhappy/unsuccessful events &/or relationships & review my actions/thought processes/decisions that led to the experience. I learn from mistakes & try to make better/more informed decisions in the future. Regret, pining, etc doesn't fix or change anything but it is a waste of time & energy. Keep moving forwsrd, do better, try harder & learn something new every day.

5

From 'ode to a mouse' by Robert Burns:

Still, thou art blest, compar’d wi’ me!
The present only toucheth thee:
But Och! I backward cast my e’e,
On prospects drear!
An’ forward tho’ I canna see,
I guess an’ fear!

5

Not too much. Most of the time those decisions were made on the information l had at the time.

5

We have probably all done that at a point. IT is better if we can move forward and think of what is best to do now

4

I feel like I'm always "curious" about what would happen if I did "this" or "that" or "whatever"... and then follow that through. But ultimately, I didn't do "this" or "that" or "whatever"... and so my life is what it is now.

Then I play the future game: What would my life look like in the future if I did "this" or "that" or "whatever"... and that matters more. Because I can affect the future, and acknowledging that helps me focus more on what I'm doing in the present.

4

I value every mistake/stupid thing that I have ever done. It taught me lessons, humility, the ability to learn from mistakes, ability to pick myself up and forge ahead. Bad stuff happens to everyone. You have a choice whether to wallow in it or use it as a lesson and move on.

4

To begin, it must start with the premise that you are happy with yourself as you are, for if you are not, this sort of thing can probably drive you nuts. You realize of course that you are what and where you are as a result of where you've been and what you've done. I look at it as "reflection", and the older you are, the more there is to "reflect" upon. We've all been on all sides of the "shit happens" equations in life, and I really do enjoy pondering upon those points of decisions. That is great for your mind, to keep it alive and active as you turn things round and round once in a while.

I studied computer programming when i was younger and learned to draw a "flow chart" at the beginning of coding a program, so you got a logical flow of thought on paper. So I take many events of my life through those mental "flow charts" and attempt to wonder about those "decision" points, and what might have been, NOT from an anguish point of view, just from a healthy curiosity view, and I find it quite stimulating to go through those times and sort of build the path to leads to today.

Keeping your mind active is quite healthy, and I really enjoy staying and being in touch with the road I have paved to TODAY, even though there were many rough and tough spots, caused by many decisions I've made, and I do gaze back at that road and sort of wonder what could have been if I had zigged instead of zagged at some of those intersections !

OMG..loved flow charts...lol

4

I do it quite frequently - not so much my failures but the failures of those who allegedly had my best interests at heart in my most formative years. The fact is my failures stemmed from those failures and I'm still trying to reconcile it to this day. For example, I was raised till 8 by an abusive step mother - human services stepped in and one would think, with the intention of finding me a better home. That didn't turn out to be the case as the abuse that took place in the foster home made the abuse they took me away from seem petty. I can remember to this day, the very day my courage was beaten out of me me and I quit. It's natural to wonder what if - because in the process of fighting my demons I made a ton of stupid decisions. But what if they had placed me in a proper foster home - knowing the potential I have now - what could I have become had I been able to realize that potential 40-years ago? There's an old saying that says "it takes 18-years to get over the first 18-years". For me, it was much longer and by the time I got at least 80% through it - I had few friends, I've done tremendous damage to my body - most of which is irreversible and aside from my wife/kids I don't have many accomplishments worth discussing. I feel that in my case it's normal to think about the what ifs. And what sucks is that in life there are no second chances - it's not like the lessons learned can be brought with you into a second life. Everyone has one chance at life and it sucks if you are dealt a bad hand - particularly since you spend so much of your life trying to heal from the crap others caused you in your most formative years.

Someone wrote: "Of all the sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: 'It might have been'."

As a mother and with half the abuse that you experienced, your story touched me deeply. But, one thing that I learned was, there are things learned in that kind of childhood that cannot be taught and they can be put to good use! We just have to tend our scars, so that they don’t become open wounds! Your story needs to be told, you are accepted...no matter what happened to you!

4

I just deal with life, and remember to put my feet in a stream. Nothing else really matters.

4

I do this constantly.. Several events in my life altered many of my initial plans.. So I constantly think of the what ifs.

3

I try to turn my regrets into motivation to do and be better then i was. Life is vary hard at times but without the trials I would not be who I am today.every bad thing that ever happened to me steered me to what I am today. And though life is never the way we might have wanted it to be it's what we make of it that can give us peace. I have been through a lot that most people will never have to go through but that's also true of everyone. We all have to deal with our past but how we do that defines us much more then the experiences we deal with..don't ever let go of the past,it's yours so own it, use it and let it guide you where you want to go even if you never get there..on my last day that will be enough for me to pass from this earth with peace

3

When I think of life I tend not to reflect too much of things I do actually do but more on things I decide not to do. Always wondering if the decisiom to do nothing was the right choice in certain circumstances. I don't really think that way anymore because it is not really healthy. But sometimes it is hard not to wonder...

Zabie Level 2 May 12, 2018
3

When I think of life I tend not to reflect too much of thinge I do actually do but more on things I decide not to do. Always wondering if the decisiom to do nothing was the right choice in certain circumstances. I don't really think that way anymore because it is not really healthy. But sometimes it is hard not to wonder...

Zabie Level 2 May 12, 2018
3

Onward ! Through the fog.
No regrets. No guilt.
No falling prey to the myth of potential.

  • The idea that but for that, this, maybe...
    No. I did what I did because I thought I had to. If it was in error, I tried to learn and not repeat. No second guessing.
3

I wish I didn't worry and that I lived in the moment.

That's much easier said than done. I try not to ruminate too much. It doesn't achieve anything.

3

Usually dwell day in day out on the stuff that I have a tendency to bitch about because of what I didn't do in the past and then think about myself in the next 10 years and try to figure out what am I going to bitch about then due the things I didn't do today and voila, I do those things today and everyday, so I won't have to bitch about anything in the future

2

No adjustment with plain sailing...mostly try to forgive and keep going until the emotion has subsided. Address each moment and not stray to far into future or the past! But practice right thinking at all times...even when it seems unnecessary. Makes it easier to get past the next ‘punch in the gut!’

1

I never look back. I am not going that way.

1

I learn from past experience and then I move on.

1

You have to make adjustments and move forward, that's learning.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:79876
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.