I sometimes wish I would see a ghost in some way that it could not be explained as mental illness or a dream. I always wish I could believe in an afterlife because the alternative is so sad. The closest I get to convincing myself that death is somehow ok is to imagine that person is at peace. Which is true.

With all the people I have lost over the years, of course I wish I could see them again. Regardless, believing won't make it real. I am not entirely sold that there is nothing after death, though it comes down to whether we keep some sort of consciousness or not, our energy will always exist.

I want to believe it if it’s true. Currently I don’t though.

Also, don’t concern yourself exactly when your mother’s death happened. My mother died sometime in April and I’m totally fine with knowing that much.

The model we have built in our mind of our loved ones continues on after they have died. I have always felt like I could go and visit dead relatives in the houses the lived in at the time, and it feels like they should be there, along with their pets and cars and kids, etc. But I realize this is because that "model" of reality from years ago is still in my mind--the cars are gone, the kids are grown up, and the pets are dead.

What I've come to realize is that reality (that they are dead) can exist in my mind right next to the memories of how things used to be, and that's not a contradiction, or (eventually) even sad.

Life would not be meaningful without death. There is no reason to think there is an afterlife, and that's ok. In fact, life would be diminished if there were an afterlife. The ever possibility of death and the certainty of it eventually electrifies every moment with meaning.

Any suggestion that death doesn't really matter because everyone lives on forever anyway devalues life itself. Which is why it is good there is no evidence for such an afterlife.

Sure, it would be nice for there to be a heaven, especially the Universalist heaven. Wishful thinking that is a natural product of grief. As to the exact moment of death, I don't think we really know yet. The brain could register as dead, but there still could be some life left in the nervous system.

When my grandma died I wished that heaven could be real for her. She believed so much much in it. Whether in heaven or nonexistent I still love and cherish her and the time we had.

I do believe that death is the absolute end of any biological organism, except in two senses. After a person we loved dies, we retain and treasure memories of that person, and those will be with us as long as we live. Also, as we live , we deliberately and incidentally influence the lives and decisions of other people, who may, in turn, pass those influences on to others. We can never know how long those impacts persist.

To be honest this is the cruelty of religion, to offer it's believers the dishonesty of an afterlife. It's also why many cling to those beliefs long after reason tells them otherwise. Your dog won't come back after death. Neither, i'm afraid will your mother brother sister best friend etc ?. That's life; that's death.

Of course it's a nice thought .....but, without evidence and proof...there is no reason to waste time believing in it. Even if somehow it happens....there is no way to prepare in this life except to minimize the harm you cause ALL other living creatures and the Earth. That's really the best that anyone can do.

There are not any real signs that there is an after life. Most of after life bunk was made up by religious fools to trick people into there beliefs. After, I decided to be an atheist, nearly a year ago. Accepting, there is nothing after death was hard for me.

The scientific evidence discovered over the past few centuries very much points towards what we see here in this universe is it. I'm sure that many agnostics and atheists will be shocked if there is an afterlife. To be honest, at this point its very very unlikely. Hence we should treat each moment we have with our loved ones and friends as an unrepeatable miracle.

The death of someone close is always difficult, and to be honest it's usually a selfish response as in how do I deal with it, what does it mean to me? Love and loss are part of the human condition, it's what makes us, most of us, what we are as a species.
As for a belief in the afterlife for one last moment, that doesn't work because would that extra moment be enough, would not the need for more just repeat, does the afterlife offer someone eternity as they were when they died or as they were when they were at their optimum, is that how you remember them?.
I don't know what happens next and nor does anybody else. So cherish what you have, cherish the memories of those you don't and take solace and comfort from the fact that you added to their life and hopefully that gets passed on.
I think a lot of us see symbolism in nature associated with the passing of someone. With my family it was always with a robin symbolising my dad was around. The evening before my mum died, and before I knew, we saw two robins together, the symbolism wasn't lost on us. Did it mean anything in reality? Of course not but it's just a coping strategy I think.
Anyway, I waffled on long enough. Sorry for your loss.

I wasn't orphaned until I was 40-ish myself, which was a lot easier to take. I feel for you. The only thing tougher than losing your Mom at 22 is losing her at 12 or 2. My wife lost her mother at age 10 and she still feels the loss in her 60s.

I will just suggest a couple of things. The reality is that the only immortality anyone has is living on in the memories of others. You can find meaning in remembering the best aspects of your Mom and imagine the pride she'd have in your for your accomplishments throughout life. I'm sure your mother would have told you, "make me proud". That's how I try to honor my mother, who died in a car accident at 81.

To your question -- do I ever want to believe in an afterlife -- no, I find no comfort in the notion, to the point that I don't even wish it were true. In fact I find way more comfort in the fact of my mortality. When you really think about how eternal life would work, it really isn't nearly as desirable as we're conditioned to think. For one thing I believe we are creatures of time. Thanks to hedonic tone, every heaven would eventually become its own hell. We are story-tellers, and stories need beginnings, middles, and -- yes -- ends.

I'm not saying I wouldn't accept a magic biological immortality pill if it were affordable and lacked side effects. Its nice to have options. But I doubt even a curious, ornery old coot like me would find much interest in life after 200 or 500 years. No matter how fantastic a movie is, no matter how skillful the direction and how impressive the script ... no one wants a 12 hour movie. At some point you just want to pee and go to bed.

In the context of your question I suspect much of your emotion has to do with a wish that you could somehow see your mother again, to spend any amount of additional time with her. I sometimes wish I could have even a brief convo with my mother, despite that she lived to a good old age, so I can only imagine the sadness you feel in your 20s when you'd barely launched into the world. When we truly love someone, we will always miss them and never forget them. And there's no point when we've had "enough" of them. I get that. But here again it helps to imagine how your mother would counsel you. She would not counsel you to be sad all the time, but to thrive, to be happy, to draw on your memories of her as a source of joy. The ol' "don't cry because it's over, smile because it happened" concept.

I try to apply this to every area of life that's challenging, not just to grief and loss.

Finally, this is still raw. 18 months is only enough time to begin to heal from the loss of a parent, spouse or close sibling.

Every person's experience of grief and loss is different, but most people experience grief as not so much a linear process, as a sort of spiral. It washes over you in waves, and just when you think you're getting a grip, it hits you again. This is your subconscious spoon-feeding your "new normal" to you in bits and pieces that you can handle.

Be patient with this process, and with yourself. It is perfectly normal. And it does get better -- or at least, you get used to it, integrate it, and, yes, "move on". Take it from someone who has buried a mother, father, an older brother, a wife, and a son ... you're stronger than you know. You'll get through it.

I'm glad you shared your sorrow here, that's a healthy thing to do, and we're always here to listen.

I use my dreams and memories as an "afterlife". I lost my mom in 2004. I've had the most beautiful dreams about her...so real sometimes. My sisters like to think she sends signs (like pennies on the ground or the 2 cardinals every year). I know she doesn't but I still smile when those things happen...great memories.

I believe... "belief" vs scientific proof... that we continue on after "death". Just no Magic Beings involved.

Want to believe, definitely. I would love to believe that my wife, in laws and parents are somewhere having fun. Healed of the diseases that killed them. Believe, well there isn’t and probably cannot be evidence for it. And there just isn’t any there there for heaven to occupy. So I enjoy the thought, just like other comforting dreams but I don’t get lost in it. No one is really gone as long as someone loves them, thinks of them, and says their name.

40 is way too young, my dad was 43.....not good....I was 8 years old.....that was the end of Jesus for me.

I believe with brain dead situation like my mom .... even myself in future .... there is no afterlife or no scientific evidence that you will ever come back. Wishful thinking that is not realistic.

I don’t know. I’m a complete Atheist but more than once I’ve dreamed of someone close to me passing away just before it happened. Both times it was unexpected, specific and accurate.... impossible to be a coincidence. I wish someone could explain it to me because I can’t stand religion and I know there’s no “man” in the sky. Not sure what to make of it. I guess I’ll never understand.

As described in the babble, it sounds Horrible! Singing praises 24/7/365 for eternity???!!!!
Your Mom lives on inside of you, where you can & will bring up happy memories anytime you wish, which will get easier the more time passes.

My condolences on your loss.

I've only wanted to believe it when thinking about the scum of humanity. If an afterlife is eternal, it will become a Hell eventually, whatever form it takes. Even the Muslim fanatic dream of 72 virgins. That might be fun for 10.000 years. But after the first 100 trillion years the poor soul is probably either screaming endlessly or suffering a complete mental collapse, and it still hasn't even scratched the surface of eternity.
It seems like more than anyone deserves.

As for when life ends: The life of the body probably ends when vital signs cease. The minds life probably ends with the end of consciousness.

No, I have no desire to believe in an "afterlife".
When you're dead, you're dead.
People need to learn to deal with the inevitable.
I've got a cousin who is killing herself with grief over her father's death, EIGHT fucking years ago!
I loved my uncle with all my heart, but his death was the end of his suffering.
Which, for me, meant more than any loss any of us felt.
It sickens me whenever I hear about anyone talking about "heaven", and seeing
their loved ones again.

Stay open to your most sensitive feelings and dreams for your mom.....maybe you might dream of your mom beating heart when you were a fetus ?....death is a reduction of body temperature to room temperature and certainly is not an on off switch....cherish your mother and her values she taught you...know that grief and mourning takes time and gives us resolve to seek cures and prevent deadly trauma....your loyalty to her is inspiring to me....all Atheists should be proud of you she surely was proud of her child grown tall

no, i don't.

side question first: i don't know when life ends because i'm not a doctor or a scientist, but i know it does end, because (among other sources) i have lost loved ones. i am sorry about your mother.

back to main question: the idea of an afterlife is horrific to me. let's imagine you're in heaven and you're with everyone you love. what if they don't love each other? then this is only heaven for you and not for them. okay, so then they get to choose with whom they hang out. then it's not heaven for you.

i wouldn't want to go, permanently, anywhere where i could not choose the menu and the music. again, how selfish, heaven for me, not so nice for everyone else, although my taste in cuisine and music are, of course, exquisite.

nope. i do not wish i believed in an afterlife. that would scare me to death.

g