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Any advice on how to date or marry a believer?

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29 comments

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6

Dating in the Midwest is a nightmare. Being science-minded and a non-believer, I am pretty convinced I will die alone. Lol.

5

I don't know if my advice on this is worth anything on this issue because I'm in the middle of getting divorced from a theist. I can say that the failure of our marriage had little to nothing to do with her faith. I'm not convinced to an absolute certainty that God isn't real. I would say I'm 75% sure he doesn't. However, I don't judge or disrespect anyone who holds the opposite opinion to me. If you're going to get involved with a theist, I think it's important to start with this attitude. Fortunately for me we never had kids, and if we had, a whole new dynamic comes into play where I can foresee many more complications developing. I would not be willing to allow my child to become indoctrinated nor would I discourage them at some point from getting involved with the church. I would teach my child critical think skills, and I would voice my opinions as I would expect my spouse to do the same. It will cause tension, and if you're ready to add that stress to the list of other stresses that come with marriage, then I would say go for it. If not then I would say don't even start dating them.

well said bro . . . btw, my favorite line from the song Russians by Sting, "we share the same biology regardless of ideology" and also a line from the song by the Scorpions, "we live under the same sun"

I went through the same thing, ie. divorced from a theist. Was married for 20 years and have two children. However, I no longer speak to any of them, (wife or children).

4

It will not work unless you can ignore that subject. I honestly can't.

Monad Level 4 Sep 26, 2017
4

Don't engage psychosis.
Find strength in yourself, not what others say you are.

3

Yes it possible but diffcult.it will come a time when they want you to attend church if they do. I attend her church once it was a large church. Just listening to the preach made me sick to my stomach. They had expensive video cameras and several people collecting money. I lasted over a hour and was one if the worst experience ive had. I never attended again.
What i found interesting was she was willing to talk about out differences but after marrage it completely shutdown and all discussions stop.
My advice don't marry a believer dating ok but don't marry. Im currently in the process of divorcing the person in question.

3

Don't.

Draco Level 6 Sep 23, 2017
3

Keep an open mind, encourage the same from them, and be very patient. Be a willing listener, and an empathetic speaker. As the relationship grows, don't avoid difficult conversations, or areas of difference. Think at least three times before responding when angry. Agree not to indoctrinate the children (if applicable)

a good fellah . . . good manners and right conduct never goes out of style

3

The test of any philosophy or belief is in how one lives. If one is a believer and lives with an open mind of wonder, compassion, and respect for life in the here and now, it hardly matters what one believes. If one is an agnostic but lives with a closed mind and closed heart, it hardly matters what they believe. Two people of different viewpoints can live a harmonious life together in the present moment. It gets difficult though if one believes in a life together after death. I think there are some fundamental hurdles such as that that are difficult to overcome. That being said, there are many religious people who have a healthy degree of skepticism, and as long as they are not too radical in the concrete truth of scripture, can see an agnostic viewpoint with reason.

sharing and understanding and respect . . . we'll live in harmony with the rest of humanity if only everybody have those

2

My ex gf wasn't very religious although at the end she was forcing her kids to attend church. I never said outright that I wasn't a believer but I let it be known that religion wasn't my thing. I think you have to be upfront before date #1 that you're not a believer, then if you date a believer they know where you stand. You have to be clear with them that they are free to be a believer, but that you won't be and that they should never attempt to make you one. You also have to extend that same courtesy to them in saying that you won't attempt to make them an unbeliever.

2

Never made sense to me.

well, yes, we all have better things to do . . . but believers will always come our way for the rest of our life. it always makes sense to share our views when we get the call

2

With care.

You have to accept that an atheist and a theist will have fundamental differences, which might cause tension.

Agree! like what I said to Mr.GoodMan, good manners and right conduct never goes out of style

2

Talk, if both parties understand the other persons views and respects them you may have a chance. Otherwise, move on.

right on, bro

2

It's probably difficult, especially if one is very religious.

difficult, yes, until you try . . . we all have this "gentle persuasion" inside of us

1

I have seen people of differing faiths marry and work things out well and some did not at all. I think there would have to be honest talk and boundaries defined before you tied the knot. And would definitely talk about how you two would raise children. If you just wing it there could be lots of issues. And i think a lot depends on the two involved and how deeply they each believe in their own views.

Like for me personally I would not tolerate a spouse who felt they needed to save me constantly and forced our children to be believers. I could tolerate and agree to disagree sort of thing and enjoy a bit of debating on the subjects here and there and letting the children experience and learn both and more so they could make their own decisions when they wanted to.

DeiP Level 5 Oct 4, 2017
1

Dating a believer, as long as they don't try to convert you is fine. I guess it depends on the level of their belief. But marrying is another thing entirely because it involves children. I would trouble me very much to see my children indoctrinated into a religion, particularly a fundamentalist sect of any religion, or a religion that taught fear, or hell and damnation. That I could never abide.

1

In the past it was not a biggie to me, but as I've learned more and become stronger in my convictions, I don't think I could ever be with a believer now. I just cannot grasp that blind belief.

1

i have dated someone who believed in a god but did not attend church. I think that They agreed that it is insane to think that there is s heaven and hell but I suspect they believed that there is either reincarnation or some redistribution of the energy of our being. It is possible to date people like this who aren't critical or preachy. I believe marriage is even possible. Where the whole relationship possibility falls apart is if the two of you plan to have children, already have children, or have grandchildren. I am speaking from experience. Ash Wednesday rolled around and there's the mark on the forehead. WTF? Do not laugh at them.

Interesting

1

Depends on how gung-ho they are about their religion. If they're super ultra Jesus-y 24/7, then it likely won't work. I actually had one person I messaged on a dating site tell me straight up that they didn't want to date or even be friends with me simply because I was an atheist.

I can believe that

1

I wouldn't... unless you truly love them it's likely not worth the trouble, but I'm an antitheist, so views probably vary.

it's a big wide world out there, don't limit yourself

0

Depends on what kind of relationship you want to develop.

Pook Level 5 June 1, 2018
0

Of course, if we could let go of the science part, we are just star dust and never were actually alive beyond illusion.

0

It may work well before you have children. But when you do, all hell is going to break loose unless you are both very mature and respectful. When I had kids it was as if some gene in me turned on and forced me to take them to church because I had been raised in a fundamentalist religion.

0

I am lucky to be married to an atheist. My husband is 23 years older than me, so odds are I will be single again one day. I may never date again, but if I do, I could never be in a relationship with anyone that believed in any god. I think it shows a fundamental lack of critical thinking skills that I could just not tolerate. Definitely a deal breaker for me.

0

Difficult, I think. I lived with a man very strong in his faith. Went to services with him once or twice to be supportive but I was bored to tears. We had other issues and broke up after 1 1/2 years for other reasons, but I think it might have become another issue eventually.

0

Honesty always, but that goes with both believers and the non.

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