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How to deal with religious family and friends?

Being an agnostic is especially challenging when you're surrounded with religion family and friends. Often they will try to convert you to their religion, become hostile towards you or even disown you. What are your thoughts on how to retain a good relationship with religion people?

Admin 9 Aug 30
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104 comments

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0

It's quite simple I don't. I have a family of religious zealots I do not communicate with them at all. As far as friends I choose them wisely. Religion has no place in my life.

0

Enjoy the people and the Holliday... have respect, if it’s not returned let the bad behavior be on them.

0

Its not possible for me to have any kind of relationship with my family. As members of the cult that is Jehovahs Witnesses they are to treat me as one who is dead. They have been hugely successful in doing this. No form of communication of any kind for years.

1

Retain a relationship with eyes wide open. If you're strong in your own beliefs, no one can threaten you. On the other hand, if you can't accept people for who they are (religious or not), why relate at all?

Pook Level 5 June 1, 2018
0

Ball is in their park. I'm honest and open, I won't call you a fool to your face nor insult you.....if you do that to me gloves are off. My mom who did all sorts of vol work with the poor, hospitals and at the county senior home and was always there when others had a loss or in need. She had terminal cancer and some christian put it into her head it was a punishment for not going to church, which was my dad influence. She refused to tell me because she knew it would be hell to pay for that person.

0

My family is religious in varying degrees. It bothers some of them that I do not believe because they believe in an afterlife and they think I will not experience that afterlife with them. While it is a nice story, I believe dead is dead, with the exception of an energy signature, however, I do not wish to hurt their feelings, etc, because I do love them, so I tend to just keep my opinions to myself for the most part and allow them to believe as they desire. They know that I generally don’t believe in God, but I save my searing commentaries for the offensive stranger instead. In some ways, I envy them their belief because it gives them hope by having a β€œhigher power” by which to make their appeal when life is hard. It is a hard world without hope. I do not wish that on anyone. I cannot, however, suspend my disbelief and believe just for the sake of finding hope.

0

I completely don't worry about it, and am jovial about my atheism. They will learn quickly that they really don't want to get into it with me, so they won't bring it up the subject around me, period.

0

I find that if you want to maintain any type of relationship with family members who are religious, you have to not have "discussions" with them about religion. There are so many other things you could be spending your time doing and talking about.

0

It depends very much on the person you are talking to. As a practising atheist I have very few friends who have religious beliefs. Some of them I can argue with and get them to admit that they don't really believe anything but follow the customs of their culture, or enjoy taking part in the ceremonial; one or two others I avoid talking to about religion because the are a bit fragile and I don't want to undermine them in any way, so we just stay off the topic. No-one has ever tried to convert me, apart from Jehovah's Witnesses, who I like to argue with sometimes, but that may be because I live in the UK where religion is not an issue.

2

Honestly, the best way--if you're interested in keeping relationships with these people--is to avoid religious discussion, usually at the sake of your own self-expression. Sometimes, even "I do not want to discuss that" is enough for them to be angry. There really is no one way of dealing with their bullshit. The only thing that worked with my family was smiling and nodding, but I grew weary of that. Now, I don't give a fuck about keeping relationships with them, if they don't care about keeping them with me. Why should I? If that's enough for them to not want to deal with me, they do not deserve my company.

My mother has come around, over time. But it took a lot of work, a lot of intense arguments, insults to my parenting (you're just sending your child to hell, don't you even care?!), etc. But she finally got the picture, saw that I was ever becoming a better person, and she eventually stopped. She still prefaces some of her points with, "Now, I know we believe differently," which can be annoying, but we are much closer and more honest now. Though, we do avoid the topic of religion when possible. lol

I kinda lost my point in there. Lol. Hope this helps.

1

My family knows my beliefs. We have agreed to disagree. We generally don't discuss religion for the same reason we don't discuss politics. We are pretty much on opposite sides of the spectrum.

0

Most of my friends are accepting and we just don't talk about it, but for the die-hard religious fanatics that you can't escape from I recommend bullshitting. I have told my super religious grandparents that I feel closer to 'God' by meditating on the bible instead of going to church with them. Besides that when they start just smile nod and change the subject. If they truly believe that you will go to hell and they really love you, of course, they will never stop bothering you.They think they are saving your soul either never speak to them again or let them think you are one of them.

0

I try to stay out of it by stating I don't discuss religion, money or politics. If they persist, I repeat the same statement in a calm voice. My immediate family wasn't religious but other parts of the family are, and we have just drifted apart. I do not get embroiled in conversations that can escalate. If they continue, I leave the discussion or area.

0

I was once a religious person in my younger years. I was taught that it was a part of my duty to evangelize and try to convert people.
For a time I bought into it too until I realized that many people were saying this prayer to get rid of those who did. Very few lives actually did change, and it most of it was not so much a love for one's fellow man as was advertised, but in reality, it played out to be all about ego and brownie points "for the kingdom" which was basically the church social club.
So many people have been convinced of the reality of the veneer, and some people never look deeply enough to see beyond the surface of it, happy to be told what to believe, and blindly accepting what has been told them without any investigation of it themselves.
I try to remember, that I too was there once, and to extend them sympathy and compassion for the state that they are in.
That being said, when they push I have to remind them that there was a time when I would have agreed, but once an error has been detected, it's impossible to go back to embrace it once more.

Donna Level 6 Feb 10, 2018
0

My son is a strict atheist in fact he is HIGHLY (he's 12) anti-religious , I am an Existentialist but my ex- my elder daughter's mother is a Catholic and tries to teach my daughter her hocus-pocus. So I made a simple rule and that is ALL RELIGION (Except when pursuing ancient Sumerian religion as an academic exercise and determining their mind) gets left at the front door.

0

If asked I will state my position. Once everyone knows where I stand there is NO further discussion. Just like politics. BUT if an issue comes up, like prayer in school we can have a discussion, usually the most religious one gets in a huff and leaves. It works out really well, kinds like if ya want to clear the room start farting, they leave. lol

4

I have always been an open atheist and usually enjoy getting into conversations about religion with friends and family, most of whom are religious. But some family members can not handle having their beliefs questions and have either stopped talking to me or have cut me out completely. I find it incredibly sad that people are willing to cut people out of their lives out of fear they might loose some part of their faith.

2

I just stay outside the group when they say the blessing at dinner. If confronted in any way I just tell them "I believe in religious equality because they're all bullshit."

1

I struggle with this. My daughter's mother-in-law is very pushy about it. She's always bringing up the Bible, every chance she gets. I have told her on many occasions that I don't believe the way she does and never will, so let's not talk about it. She always looks astounded that I would say that. I never push my beliefs down her throat. I'm tired of having to ward off all these attempts to save my soul. As she's part of the family, I can't just avoid her, even though I would like to most of the time. She has said the most ignorant things about Darwinism and evolution that make me want to scream!

Next time she brings up the bible start either burbing or farting. They shut up and leave.

1

I got some, lived with one, (loved) many, I let them be. Don't try to convert, they know they can not convert me. Boundaries that make us live a civil life. Never been a problem so far. Nobody in my existence can say about me... "I remember when he was religious". I never was and that makes it easier I think.

3

When I arrived in the United States, I was a known atheist. Most atheist communities actually closed their doors on me in times of need. I found a shelter with a United Methodist Intentional Community. They googled on me and found out that I was atheist. That didn't stop them from taking me in. For the last two years, I have observed them praying daily from 7;00am to 8:00am. At first, I pretended that it was meaningful to join them in prayer each day, well knowing that I didn't believe in it. One day I asked them if they will get upset if I stopped attending prayer and church? They all, 12 of them said, NO. We love you as a human being and we are not called to convert you. Since then, I am at peace with myself and them. They never discuss Jesus when I am with them. I never reference to Bible. The love I have received in this community,actually forced me to relax my open criticism of christianity for now. So, it's all about live and let others live as they wish.

2

All of my religious relatives years ago have snubbed me because I'm different than most people. My Atheist relatives accept me for the way I' am and I'm very happy about this.

After watching a video on Youtube 2 years ago, I became an atheist and as far as religious people are concerned, don't try to convert me and we will get along just fine, and if you do, I will tell you the truth that the bible is nothing but fairy tales.

0

Oddly enough, I don't think that I have any.

0

Hey, if it makes them happy. If they think that without their religion they will become evil doers, rape, plunder and destroy, I want them to keep their religion at all cost. I have no right to confront them about their belief, unless they press for it.

4

When they present me with religious literature and books, I tell them that I promise to read them, if they are willing to read my book collection and follow it up with a serious discussion. I have a friend who sends me religious stuff and I reply with atheist philosophy and literature, of which there is more than plenty. Her emails have become fewer for some strange reason. πŸ˜‰

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